Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

The thing is... there isn't just some left luggage facility where you can leave your kids when they're inconvenient.

It's not that people necessarily can't organise childcare, but more about what's a priority. Playdates are competing against a whole host of other time commitments and tasks where it's either inconvenient or impossible to have kids there - opticians' appointments, getting the car serviced, going to the gym or for a run or just having a quiet lie-in. Things like that.

The way it often goes in families is Parent 1 says to Parent 2 "I'll take the kids out this morning while you do X" and then Parent 2 has the kids in the afternoon while Parent 1 has some kid-free time doing stuff. Splitting the kids equals no childfree time.

So a playdate with the OP's child might be the way Parent 1 chooses to occupy her kids that morning. But if that's not available for both kids, Parent 1 would choose another option like the park or playground or soft play. For both kids, rather than leaving one at home.

This.

Your post is insane OP.

You need to relax. You don’t need to foster their little relationships at this age. How ridiculous. Just let your child mix and play with different children. That’s ALL. You shouldn’t be putting any pressure on it!

You are thinking waaay too much about this OP. At age 3 they really don't care who they play with as long as they have fun. I'd probably leave it for now & wait until they're in Yr 1 & then start doing after school tea type play dates when there's no need to worry about siblings.

Would it be a good suggestion to say …..’Now that our two little ones are used to playing with each other at my house, would you be comfortable to drop your little one off for an hour or two to see how that works out for them both ?’

It’s actually made me laugh that you are grumpy about parents bringing siblings to the park.

Imagine living like that.

Plan play dates for when the older child is at school if this concerns you. I have never come across a friend who has brought just the child who is that age tbh. Easier as the children get older but the eldest is only 7 they are a family this is generally how it works.

They are 3, OP 3. They change their friends every 5 minutes and don’t need to bond in special 1:1 time. Honestly I think you need to look at yourself. If you’re like this with a 3 year old, a baby, then how will you navigate the school and teenage friendship dramas

The mums aren’t ’tagging Along’ they are supervising their your pre-schooler especially at a weekend play date or party.

they are still very young and friendships will change.

however I have found the best friendships my children have had are the ones where all the parents (mostly mums) (and siblings to an extent) get along, as it has meant that we do days out together in school holidays and have relied on each other for the odd drop off childcare issue.

Why do you need to stay and chat though? It's about the children , surely?

The key difference being that this 'friend' is presumably a functioning adult who can be left in their home alone. A seven-year-old can't.

This. It’s very different when you have 2.

I think most people would have a shed of empathy if the OP hadn’t been so rude and defensive and assume the other mums ability to get childcare for her other child.

the kids are only 3/4 so pretty young to be dropped off for a play date with a ‘stranger’. OP has already said the child is shy and as much as a 7 year old can change the dynamics somewhat maybe it is a comfort for the child whilst they are still so young to have their sibling!

there are so many variables that it’s the OPs attitude that is telling us this relationship is doomed!

if we havnt had the whole story and OPs child doesn’t like the sibling or the sibling isn’t nice to them, this is a whole other story.

These are three year olds and, kindly, OP, it's just a playdate.

People aren't going to organise childcare for a 3yo's playdate unless it suits them. If it doesn't suit you to hang out with this family, best thing is to find other families to hang out with where the dynamic works better for you, maybe ones where there are no older siblings?

If it is important to you that your child plays with THIS child, then you're just going to have to tolerate the sibling because it suits their family dynamic to have the mum take both children out at once at the weekend (for whatever reason, dad working, dad lazy, parents split the weekend to give each one time "off"). You can't really expect people to change their weekend plans in a way that inconveniences them for a playdate.

I do get you - 7yos can be very annoying! If your child isn't at school yet, they're huge by comparison and yet they're often still boisterous, have few social graces and aren't very sensible.

I have a toddler and a 7yo. We don't do many playdates with the toddler's friends, partly because 7yos are a bit of a shock if your experience of children is limited to tinies. Instead, most of our playdates are with the 7yo's friend's families, where there tend to be a range of children of different ages. Either I drop the 7yo and run or, if I know the parents well enough that they're happy for us to stay, the toddler tags along and hangs out with the "big" crew.

We'd organise childcare for a child's party, if at all possible, but not for a playdate.

lol seriously? How many children do you have?

How can you compare young children to grown adults? What do you expect her to do? Leave her other child at home alone?

If you carry on micro managing your child's friendships like this you won't need to worry about stuff like this. Most sensible parents will be backing away from you at a rate of knots

IME the point of drop off playdates are for the children to play and the point of stay playdates are for adults to chat. Three year olds love older kids and a seven year old happy to dominate rather than get bored with them would be a major attraction!

YABU and quite controlling. Play dates for 3 year olds as I remember are more about a bit of company for mums and kids keeping each other occupied. It's good for kids to mix with different personalities and ages it's one 7 year old not like she bringing 5 kids to run riot in your house. If you invited me and told me I couldn't bring 1 of my kids I wouldn't be coming

I’ve never met anyone who demands sibling free play dates. Don’t worry

It isn't though because playdates where you stay and chat are just as much about the friendship between the two adults as it is about the kids. I can't think of anything less fun than sitting round someone's house for ages for the sake of two young kids. At the park or public space, I don't mind as much because then I can accommodate my other kids and there's no one " in charge".

I agree with this, a domineering older sibling can seriously inhibit a younger child's development. Many years ago my cousin took her youngest of 3 sons to the GP because his speech wasn't developing, the first thing the doctor said was If the older boys ask for a drink, biscuit, whatever, does he get one too? and she said Of course! There's the answer, he doesn't need to speak, she stopped always giving him something automatically and his speech soon caught up!