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AIBU?

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Original poster

Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

240 replies

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 11:59

My DC is almost 4 and has made a new friend so we have arranged a few playdates. Its starting to annoy me as the mum is bringing the older sibling, and not letting me know beforehand. The whole point of playdates to me is for the kids to bond 1:1, not to mention her DC is very shy so the sibling dominates. AIBU to say the sibling shouldn't always tag along. None of the other parents do this on playdates.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 06/07/2025 13:26

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:20

Really your 7 year old doesn't play for an hour or so by themselves?

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They are unpredictable creatures. Mine can focus on something for ages if it interests them, but it's not a given and 7yos can also be clingy in strange houses in a way that manifests itself in annoying and sometimes boisterous behaviour. They can also get a bit unsure of themselves or embarrassed in a way that makes them stick close to their mum or a younger child.

It's odd because they seem so huge and so much more mature than younger children, but I find 7yos still need quite a lot of support.

Roomwithaview2019 · 06/07/2025 13:26

Imagine all these comments being made by op about this woman and as far as the woman is concerned shes just turned up a few play dates with her both her kids and the kids played together and it just wasn't that deep for her...

beetr00 · 06/07/2025 13:25

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/07/2025 13:17

Do you have a seven year old? What do you think they can do alone for hours on end?

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but where is the parent in this scenario, if the younger one is on a playdate?

Chick981 · 06/07/2025 13:24

Is your child your PFB by any chance OP?

Pinty · 06/07/2025 13:24

If you expect the mum to stay and it's not during the school day then of course she might bring her older child
Not everyone has someone to leave their children with.

SunshineRoo27 · 06/07/2025 13:23

Are you suggesting that a 7 year old needs to play alone for an hour so your 3 year old can play with their sibling?

Maybe find a new friend with no siblings for you child so that you can gain what you want from the playdates

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:22

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 06/07/2025 13:21

Well she can hardly leave a 7yo home alone so if she has no childcare she has to bring them. Maybe suggest meeting up at a playground where there’s a mixture of things for different ages.

Good lord, of course not home alone. The father is home. Everyone seems to have very selective reading today

OP posts:
Rosemary61 · 06/07/2025 13:22

This is a wind up surely.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/07/2025 13:22

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:20

Really your 7 year old doesn't play for an hour or so by themselves?

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My 8 year old doesn’t.

IAmNotASheep · 06/07/2025 13:21

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:18

Read? Draw? Colour? Craft? Play with toys?

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So either you have an extremely mature 7 year old or none at all.

MakeItToTheMoon · 06/07/2025 13:21

Unless she has asked if the 7 year old can also come then YANBU. A play date isn’t to offload children only, its is for the children who are friends to spend time together. You haven’t agreed to look after the older child, and they will like you said dominate and ruin this bonding time.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 06/07/2025 13:21

Well she can hardly leave a 7yo home alone so if she has no childcare she has to bring them. Maybe suggest meeting up at a playground where there’s a mixture of things for different ages.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 06/07/2025 13:21

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:13

I don't mind if she drops off tbh, but her DC is so shy, which I assume is because they have zero independence from their sibling

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@Isitreallysohard

Is this your first child?

You are being so incredibly judgey.

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:20

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/07/2025 13:19

Alone? For hours?

No. OP

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Really your 7 year old doesn't play for an hour or so by themselves?

OP posts:
Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/07/2025 13:19

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:18

Read? Draw? Colour? Craft? Play with toys?

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Alone? For hours?

No. OP

NewGoldFox · 06/07/2025 13:18

SkintSingleMumm · 06/07/2025 12:17

You only have one child i take it op?

Whatever would give you that impression? 🤣🤣

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/07/2025 13:18

UpLateDoomScrolling · 06/07/2025 13:17

A lot of the "you just wait until you have a second" comments are missing the point that two is not mandatory, and a lot of people stay one and done by choice.

I have a DS of a similar age, and this wouldn't work for me either. One of the many reasons I have opted to stay one and done, is that I like that I can do age appropriate activities with my son and he doesn't have to constantly compromise for a sibling.

While I would appreciate the other parent's lack of options, I wouldn't want my DS being bossed around by someone else's elder sibling for an hour, as that's not fun for him. It's not the OP's job to accommodate and entertain the older sibling if it makes for an underwhelming playdate for her son.

That’s fine. You and your kid are missing out though. Not them.

IAmNotASheep · 06/07/2025 13:18

Not everyone has the benefit of others to look after their kids. Even if there’s a dad around he may already have other commitments and so YABU.

When they are older they may be happier to be dropped off but at 4 not many would be and neither would all parents.

Im afraid just because you or other mums are able to arrive with the one child invited is irrelevant. We are not all the same

ThisCatCanHop · 06/07/2025 13:18

OP, you’d be surprised at how many women end up co-parenting with someone fairly useless. My DC’s friend’s mum does this. I don’t judge because I know why - their father is useless and essentially refuses to have either child alone. But it does change the dynamic, especially as friend’s sibling tends to be peeved that they don’t have a special friend there as well and ends up causing problems with the little ones playing.

If the friendship is important to your child, I think you just have to roll with it. If it’s a major problem, you could suggest meeting in a neutral location such as the park or soft play “and maybe one of Bill or Bella’s friends might like to meet us there as well?”

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:18

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/07/2025 13:17

Do you have a seven year old? What do you think they can do alone for hours on end?

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Read? Draw? Colour? Craft? Play with toys?

OP posts:
UpLateDoomScrolling · 06/07/2025 13:17

A lot of the "you just wait until you have a second" comments are missing the point that two is not mandatory, and a lot of people stay one and done by choice.

I have a DS of a similar age, and this wouldn't work for me either. One of the many reasons I have opted to stay one and done, is that I like that I can do age appropriate activities with my son and he doesn't have to constantly compromise for a sibling.

While I would appreciate the other parent's lack of options, I wouldn't want my DS being bossed around by someone else's elder sibling for an hour, as that's not fun for him. It's not the OP's job to accommodate and entertain the older sibling if it makes for an underwhelming playdate for her son.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/07/2025 13:17

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:15

But surely a 7 year old plays independently at home and doesn't need constant supervision? I would totally understand if the sibling was 2.

Edited
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Do you have a seven year old? What do you think they can do alone for hours on end?

ELMhouse · 06/07/2025 13:16

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:07

Tbh I thought I had covered most of that. These usually take place in the weekend when the father is home. Also all of the other parents don't bring siblings hence the whole AIBU thing

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I’m not sure why your answers are so flippant to everyone. You have said at weekends but you don’t know their household set up, that’s why I said there could be so many variables.

there could be lots of reasons why the mum has the sibling and can’t get childcare whilst she supervises a play date at your house despite DH being home - the amount of crap DHs we have seen on MN proves this).

The options are -
you can’t dictate that she finds child care, so you can talk to the mum about just doing something with the 3/4 year olds or not invite her anymore.

but remember the small nugget of joy you could take out of this is that your child will know the other child’s sibling quite well so when your child goes to their house (where the sibling will obvs be) then that will be a much nicer time for your child,

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:15

Goldbar · 06/07/2025 13:14

The thing is... there isn't just some left luggage facility where you can leave your kids when they're inconvenient.

It's not that people necessarily can't organise childcare, but more about what's a priority. Playdates are competing against a whole host of other time commitments and tasks where it's either inconvenient or impossible to have kids there - opticians' appointments, getting the car serviced, going to the gym or for a run or just having a quiet lie-in. Things like that.

The way it often goes in families is Parent 1 says to Parent 2 "I'll take the kids out this morning while you do X" and then Parent 2 has the kids in the afternoon while Parent 1 has some kid-free time doing stuff. Splitting the kids equals no childfree time.

So a playdate with the OP's child might be the way Parent 1 chooses to occupy her kids that morning. But if that's not available for both kids, Parent 1 would choose another option like the park or playground or soft play. For both kids, rather than leaving one at home.

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But surely a 7 year old plays independently at home and doesn't need constant supervision? I would totally understand if the sibling was 2.

OP posts:
scoobysnaxx · 06/07/2025 13:15

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 13:03

But you missed the point. If you were meeting your friend and they brought another friend it would change the dynamic

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FGS children of THREE don’t give a crap or even notice DYNAMICS. Just let them PLAY.