Is it cheeky to ask our carpenter friend for referral discount?

I thought you said he was your friend.

I don't understand your thought process.

If I can put some work the way of a friend with their own business, then why wouldn't I (working on the principle I had used them and was pleased with the work).

Equally, if a mate asks me if I know a good carpenter / dog walker / nail technician / Financial Advisor / Mechanic, then I would want to help that friend out by putting them in touch with someone who is trustworthy and would do them a good job at a reasonable price. Again, why wouldn't I ?

YWBVVVU to ask for a 'fee' to do either of those.

My husband is a tradesperson who has had to ask people to stop giving out his number, he has enough work on because he is very good at what he does. His phone never stops ringing. He will, however, prioritise his regular, loyal customers in appreciation of their support. If one of them had the gall to ask for financial recompense for recommendations I know he would not go to them again. Good tradespeople do not need to give kickbacks for recommendations and I think you are a total CF for even thinking this!

We give friends “mates rates” when they use our business. If someone asked me for a fee I’d feel a bit off about that. My friend is a hairdresser and brilliant. I recommend her all the time as I recently did with our account for an acquaintance starting a business - it wouldn’t occur to me to ask from something from either of them.

This is literally the height of CF.
Any time friends do work for me I make sure they are taking not a penny less than market rate, plus drinks and food in the evening!
I can’t imagine wanting to scumbag a “good friend”.

yes it would be utterly weird and cheeky. He would laugh in your face .

Very very cheeky.
We have used our tradesmen for years 20/25. We have recommended them regularly.
What we get, practically, is fitted in on cancellations, etc, and when we have had an emergency: leak, boiler breakdown, the day the lathe and plaster ceiling gave way, they have prioritised us and helped us. Decorator, plumber, electrician, carpenter, etc. All on Christmas cards, have been invited to weddings and barbecues.

This.

Yes, of course you should ask him. Come back here and let us know how it goes.

I have got a friend like you. She won’t recommend hotels that she has enjoyed to others because she did the research and why should others gain from that. I can imagine her writing this post in fact. She’s also quite stingy.

OP don’t be like this, it is very unattractive behaviour

Please dont do that. Let him offer if he wants to

I never ask for mates rates, even from long term friends. That's a swift way to lose them

Yes, i am self employed, I say no if asked. Its my choice, not something anyone should anticipate or ask for

Christ. Yes. It’s cheeky. Not exactly putting you out to say ‘Oh I’d recommend Brian Jones, he’s a great carpenter, he did our kitchen and we’re pleased. I’ll send you his number.’

But if you are particularly miffed that he doesn’t seem grateful, you could say in jokey way ‘Oh I gave your number to my friend Jane the other day, she wants a quote - it’ll be a big job, that’s the 8th person I’ve referred to you, I’ll have to start charging a fee! Ha ha!

Good grief, what next?!

Sometimes people in the trade might bung a small amount to another tradie who's recommended them, but not to a past client.

Cringe.

This ^
by the way if it’s a big job it’s not unreasonable to get a lower price per unit than for a small job.

You describe him as a long term friend of yours.
I doubt VERY much if he’d describe you as a friend at all if he knew this was your attitude.

Im embarrassed for you for even thinking of doing this. Yabvu

You may think you're doing him a huge favour, but it might well be that the jobs you're generating for him never actually come to anything, or they are nightmare customers.

I've had people absolutely convinced they've done me an epic favour in passing my number to their mate/boss/manager/auntie/neighbour... and 9/10, its not a favour at all its a fucking ball ache.

I get my clients (dog behaviour) through a variety of routes which all serve to filter OUT the people who will be timewasters and pains in the backsides. I only have limited working hours available to me due to my health, I do not want nor need to waste my energies on clients who are more hard work than they're worth! So as I say 9/10, the 'word of mouth' clients who have bypassed the filtering methods are exactly that, a big fat waste of time, which costs me my time, makes me unavailable to clients who would benefit and means im not helping the dogs i actually could help... and that makes me pretty depressed.

Round here a decent carpenter would be inundated with work. If he's not saying thank you for the referrals it's possible he thinks he's doing you a favour squeezing your friends in.

Yes I would say it is cheeky op, I wouldn’t ask.

I have a trade. If my friend asked me this I'd assume they were joking. That would make for an awkward following silence once we both realised the misunderstanding!

FWIW they may already have charged you below market rate for your work. I often do this for close friends and family, although I have rarely openly made reference to it so some may not realise. I don't do it for the thanks, but to help out the people I care about. Unfortunately I can't afford to work for less than a certain amount/free, but will knock off as much as I can justify. I would feel pretty put out that the 'kindness' of referring me to others wasn't actually done as a kindness but with the expectation of even more in return.

Please don’t.

Yes that would be pretty CF. Really shitty.

We chose not to proceed on some work once we had accidently learned about such a referral bonus arrangement between the carpenter and our friend who recommended him, effectively meaning we would be indirectly paying our friend the bonus as that was built into the quote! - we prefer to keep things transparent and straightforward when it comes to referrals and this seemed sly and sneeky - certainly saw her in a different light going forward .....

Has he ever mentioned actually having a policy of doing referral discounts?

I mean, literally how every tradesman get a job is via word of mouth.

I've always made sure to never pay "makes rates" for skilled services nor to ask for a discount either as I feel it can create resentment and ruin relationships.

This.

Oh ffs op why???

this country really needs independent skilled people in it so we should be gladly giving good recommendations to help them in their business not bloody expect some kind of discount for doing it.

small independents aren’t big corporates that can afford to do discounts etc.

it’s like expecting mates rates.