To think “neurodivergent” is being used too casually and too often?

I think ND is purposely a bit vague and used when people dont to give personal information about which diagnosis they have.

Or when a service decides to cater for something in more of a lip service way.

🤣 no it isn't.

It's a lot of waffling about a friendship group, conflating anxiety with ADHD and autism, being judgemental about other families, and the overriding message is "put up and shut up, neuro divergent people".

It probably seems like an excellent post if your agenda is to deny and minimise the experience of people with ADHD and ASD.

Excellent post.

Excellent post.

The issue I've noticed is not the number of people diagnosed, or even who should be diagnosed, but the people (who have often diagnosed themselves) who then use it's an excuse to not do things.
I'm not sure that's a good thing.

My dd has diagnosed anxiety. When she's talking, I often recognise symptoms as ones I have. Thing was, there was no opting out back then, and I developed strategies to deal with it, and mostly did. There wasn't really an option.
My dd found that at school she only had to say that her "anxiety was playing up" and it got her out of things (including year 11 mocks I will add to put a context into it). She had to develop the strategies when she went off to uni. That's harder than doing them when younger with support.
She'll now admit that there were times that she should have worked things through and it would have been better for her long term. And that she also used it as an excuse not to do things she didn't want. 🤣
She only discovered that she was stronger than she thought when put in a position that she had to work through it rather than being allowed to stop - and that was a really positive thing for her, really helped her self-esteem.

We've got a group of friends, we've met up for years and the children play/chat together while we have lunch. Now the children are 15+ it tends to be meet at a pub for lunch and we all get on well.

Now one of the families have a lad who has ASD who was diagnosed about 5 years ago. Sometimes he needs to take some time out. So eg he comes in and says "hello" and will talk through the main course, often will take himself off for the second course and normally returns afterwards when they're talking, although doesn't normally say much unless directly asked. No one minds, no one comments, and he's clearly doing what he needs to keep going. He keeps coming though, so we assume he enjoys it.

Our friendship group nearly split up over someone (they did have knowledge in the situation) suggesting around 10 years ago that one of the other families might benefit by considering diagnosis for one of their girls. Parents hit the roof with "not labelling" etc.

However about a year ago that family announced that they couldn't be expected to stay for the chat/join in because they were all NT. They haven't had official diagnosis, but they've decided the whole family is.
Tbf they're probably right.

This meant they sat through the meal, played with phones, and left at the end quickly hardly speaking to anyone.

This time they all arrived, sat without speaking on their phones the entire time, and the girls had headphones on, with music going, and were moaning from halfway through the meal that their "sensory overload was too bad and they needed to go home". There was a mixup with some of the food (we order in advance), and they just grabbed what they wanted and said they couldn't be expected to compromise because they were NT, even though it left someone else short.
Any time they were asked to do anything/say anything/ move their chair 1" so someone else could fit comfortably they couldn't because "they were NT".

Now we are as a group more than happy to compromise and make allowances - and we have done.
But what strikes me is that they expected everyone else to do all the compromising (which did include the lad with ASD) and any discussion was shut down with "we can't because we are NT" but also, a year ago they all came, joined in and appeared to enjoy it.

So what's happened in a year? The more they don't join in, the harder it is for them to join in.
If it's really what makes them happy, then we're happy to let them come on their own terms. But let's be realistic. Is it really helping them, especially the girls to opt out when they have done it for years?
I'm sure people are going to say "if it's what they want to do," but will that actually be helpful long term? I think that's something that needs to be looked at.

The issue I've noticed is not the number of people diagnosed, or even who should be diagnosed, but the people (who have often diagnosed themselves) who then use it's an excuse to not do things.
I'm not sure that's a good thing.

My dd has diagnosed anxiety. When she's talking, I often recognise symptoms as ones I have. Thing was, there was no opting out back then, and I developed strategies to deal with it, and mostly did. There wasn't really an option.
My dd found that at school she only had to say that her "anxiety was playing up" and it got her out of things (including year 11 mocks I will add to put a context into it). She had to develop the strategies when she went off to uni. That's harder than doing them when younger with support.
She'll now admit that there were times that she should have worked things through and it would have been better for her long term. And that she also used it as an excuse not to do things she didn't want. 🤣
She only discovered that she was stronger than she thought when put in a position that she had to work through it rather than being allowed to stop - and that was a really positive thing for her, really helped her self-esteem.

We've got a group of friends, we've met up for years and the children play/chat together while we have lunch. Now the children are 15+ it tends to be meet at a pub for lunch and we all get on well.

Now one of the families have a lad who has ASD who was diagnosed about 5 years ago. Sometimes he needs to take some time out. So eg he comes in and says "hello" and will talk through the main course, often will take himself off for the second course and normally returns afterwards when they're talking, although doesn't normally say much unless directly asked. No one minds, no one comments, and he's clearly doing what he needs to keep going. He keeps coming though, so we assume he enjoys it.

Our friendship group nearly split up over someone (they did have knowledge in the situation) suggesting around 10 years ago that one of the other families might benefit by considering diagnosis for one of their girls. Parents hit the roof with "not labelling" etc.

However about a year ago that family announced that they couldn't be expected to stay for the chat/join in because they were all NT. They haven't had official diagnosis, but they've decided the whole family is.
Tbf they're probably right.

This meant they sat through the meal, played with phones, and left at the end quickly hardly speaking to anyone.

This time they all arrived, sat without speaking on their phones the entire time, and the girls had headphones on, with music going, and were moaning from halfway through the meal that their "sensory overload was too bad and they needed to go home". There was a mixup with some of the food (we order in advance), and they just grabbed what they wanted and said they couldn't be expected to compromise because they were NT, even though it left someone else short.
Any time they were asked to do anything/say anything/ move their chair 1" so someone else could fit comfortably they couldn't because "they were NT".

Now we are as a group more than happy to compromise and make allowances - and we have done.
But what strikes me is that they expected everyone else to do all the compromising (which did include the lad with ASD) and any discussion was shut down with "we can't because we are NT" but also, a year ago they all came, joined in and appeared to enjoy it.

So what's happened in a year? The more they don't join in, the harder it is for them to join in.
If it's really what makes them happy, then we're happy to let them come on their own terms. But let's be realistic. Is it really helping them, especially the girls to opt out when they have done it for years?
I'm sure people are going to say "if it's what they want to do," but will that actually be helpful long term? I think that's something that needs to be looked at.

So what are you talking about?

We tried that, and we still got labels.

Like lazy, stupid, scatter-brained, difficult, rude, naughty.

The problem isn't that ND people "want a label". The problem is that NT people don't do "accepting differences" unless they are forced to by law.

That’s been my life. But I’m not ‘neurodiverse’.

I like my own company, hate small talk and am generally reserved.

I’m what used to be called shy.

So then my comment doesn't apply to you, does it? Because I'm not talking about shyness, hating small talk or being reserved.

That’s been my life. But I’m not ‘neurodiverse’.

I like my own company, hate small talk and am generally reserved.

I’m what used to be called shy.

That’s been my life. But I’m not ‘neurodiverse’.

I like my own company, hate small talk and am generally reserved.

I’m what used to be called shy.

Can you imagine how it feels to go through your entire life feeling like a fish out of water, like everyone else is in some secret club that you haven't been told the rules to, feeling like a failure because you just cannot do the things that everyone else manages to do every day, struggling with depression and anxiety as a result of not coping with normal life...and then finding out that actually it's not because you're an idiot or totally hopeless and stupid, it's because your brain is different and works in a completely different way. It's MASSIVE. Life changing.

You don't sound like a very good friend.

If the term "neurodiverse" were saved for parts of the spectrum that are well away from the average, and the degree of severity was properly diagnosed by the correct medical professionals, then time ,money and resources could be targeted at those who haven't the capability or resilience to develop their own coping strategies.
At the moment resources are spread so thinly over the vast numbers of individuals labelled as "neurodiverse" " that nobody ends up with any quality provision!
(Not the most publicised viewpoint and bound to be jumped on by the strident posters that stalk the SEND forums on here,but I suspect this is the quietly held view of the vast majority including the OP and the large vote count who support the original question. )

Parenting…Can’t cope with 9 year old any more….active now…fill your boots.

Or, cringle inducingly, "superpower"

I had a friend diagnosed with adhd, and it became, without exaggeration, her whole personality.

Parenting…Can’t cope with 9 year old any more….active now…fill your boots.