To ask how to motivate a kid who is intimidated by competitive sports to want to exercise?

Tell her it's absolutely fine to hate competitive sports. All that matters is that she takes good care of her health and fitness.

IMO it is essential that children learn to swim and keep up their ability to do so. It's a lifesaver. So maybe start with suggesting a weekly swim. I told my very unsporty DS2 that learning to swim was non negotiable. I took him swimming once a week, increase the number of lengths by 2 each week until he could swim a mile.

Does she have a good bike? Try some easy bike rides and increase by a couple of miles each time until she is confident at riding 10 miles with steep inclines etc.

She could try yoga and weight training or bootcamps. Buy some simple handweights or kettle bells or just resistance bands and start off with some online 10/15 minute workouts.

I wish schools didn't focus so much on competitive sport. I was in my twenties before I realised I loved fitness. I just hated and was terrible at ball sports due to lousy hand to eye co-ordination. If school had offered keep fit classes, yoga, bootcamps etc I'd have loved it.

I hated school team sports due to intense bullying, but I was active in other ways - cycling and walking as "solo" pursuits. I had a long paper round so that was my "walking" ticked off for the day - about 2 miles every morning. I liked cycling just for fun, either with family or on my own - could go off for the whole day and easily do 20 miles without that much effort.

When I started work after leaving school, it was a crap low paid job and I couldn't afford the bus every day, so I'd cycle most days, and walk on nice Summer days - about 3 miles each way. Only taking the bus in very bad weather.

Then I joined the police as a special constable which involved "walking the beat" for a few hours per shift, which was easily 20k steps per shift, sometimes 30k.

When I got a serious boyfriend, we were both pretty active and took up tennis, squash, golf and skiing, and still did lots of walking and cycling as a couple too, with a regular 10-20 mile walk in the countryside almost every Sunday, also gym members for a decade or two so we could keep active (together or on our own according to availability) in winter and bad weather.

Never, ever, done any "group" activities since school, and never missed it nor had the urge to try it again after the intense bullying at school.

For the OP, I'd just suggest they try to include more activity in their daily lives, not necessarily "sport" as such, but just more movement, more walking/cycling etc rather than using the car, - just let more activity "creep" into normal daily life.

That’s OK. Now you know.

My 13 year old is exactly the same. I think it’s such a shame, she is awkward and not good at sport and unfortunately all the activities she was doing reached a point where they were competitive.

We do one on one swimming lessons. Expensive but worth it.

she is in scouts - lots of hikes and games but not competitive in a sports sense.

Teen gym - our local gym has teen gym sessions. I’m going to start this next year.

Other ideas I had was horse-riding and doing the couch to 5k with her.

Leave her alone. Not everyone like sports.

My eldest hated competitive team sports but did martial arts from about age 6/7 and really enjoyed it - it's great for building confidence too! Could your daughter join a regular walking group? Would she be up for trying a yoga class or a zumba class? Try not to pressure her, 14 is a tricky age and being too heavy handed will have the opposite effect. Maybe use the summer holidays to try and few new activities and see if something sparks her interest.

We make one exercise activity compulsory for our DCs - DS is 13 and has dyspraxia but has been going to a non-competitive club for a while but we are wondering about rugby as you can start a bit older, or riding as he loves horses.
DD cycles (semi competitive club) and has swimming lessons but they are in an early after school slot so we are thinking of rookie life saving.
Doing your weekly activity is an expectation which gets you your screen time in our house.

Does she like animals? If you can, see if she likes horse riding with a few lessons or trekking rides out - you could do one together! Then she could get some more lessons and be able to help out at a rescue, if you’re lucky enough to have one near you, or just any yard; what I mean is it can be satisfying in itself, she doesn’t have to go into competition, just find somewhere she can just ride. But she could get very fit without realising it!

VR? There are a few programs on the meta quest. Attach a cadence sensor to a exercise bike and peddle around beautiful places. Or power beats to music or other exercises with a virtual trainer. The best thing about it is it's fully immersive so you don't know if anyone is looking at you.

Or go out as a family and do canoeing somewhere. All fun and exercise.

Does she like dogs?

X post about paddleboarding - great minds!

Keep with the walking. What about wild swimming? Quite often you have to walk to the water. Also SUP? There's a group near us that goes for leisurely early evening paddles along a small river. Definitely not competitive.

How about active things as a family. Go Ape or paddle boarding?

No harm in walking if she enjoys that. Would she like guides or something

agree with this. fun activities over sport, until she finds a few she likes.

They don't have to be expensive, lots of places offer cheap starter sessions, particularly over the summer, and then if you find something you like once you've done the initial outlay that's it - roller skating, paddleboarding, etc.

I am intimated by team sports, by "needing" to be good. For this reason, I love going to the gym and running. It's only me, I don't need to be good for anyone else, no one cares what I'm doing, I just try to improve on myself.

Even though it's not hugely taxing (yes, it can be, blablabla, but you know what I mean) yoga could help her feel more confident in her body's abilities, and become more in tune with it, as a stepping stone to more vigorous exercise.

I was exactly the same.
If she is fit and healthy I would leave her alone. Pushing her will just make her resist more.
I would encourage her to walk more as you say she loves it. Perhaps you can go on family walks at the weekends, or go swimming which you say she likes. But don't make her join a club or take up team sports. When she is older she might decide herself to join a walking club, take up dance classes, Zumba etc but let it be her choice when she is ready.

Gosh terribly sorry for making a suggestion, just thought she might find the clothes, hair, music etc funny while she’s moving around, didn’t realise I was actually being completely insensitive

I agree- back off the idea of sport, the more you push the more she will resist. Think of an activity you genuinely hate and imagine if someone told you that you just had to try harder with it (plus you had to do it with 31 other girls who all love it at a time in your life when your self-esteem is really shaky).
The 'activity' suggestion is right.
You're not suggesting sport, but maybe you could all drive to the beach for a nice walk at the weekend?
You're not suggesting sport, but there's a clip and climb place that looks fun, she could invite a friend and you could go for lunch after?

I was your DD, I hated sport as a kid and I still hate it now. I only found enjoyment in exercise through a lack of competition and (crucially) a lack of having to do it with other people as a 'class'. Show me a running group who do a 5 mile route and I've no interest at all, but I'll happily walk twice that around a lovely National Trust site.

Yes , or gardening, or sightseeing in different cities, walking around museums and art galleries, window shopping...

This is me. I like walking, swimming, cycling by myself or just for fun, running by myself, and climbing. I stopped during pregnancy, but I also liked weightlifting, which is excellent for your bone health. I would look at climbing and weightlifting with her, and encourage her to put exercise into her daily life like cycling and walking to places.

I absolutely hate any kind of physical competition and won't even run with someone because of that. I don't mind competing against myself, like you do in climbing and weightlifting: seeing if you can get further or lift more than last time.

How about joining scouts or Rangers - they will probably be doing a variety of activities and she might find something she might to take up

Is she sociable/like doing things with friends or does she feel too self conscious about doing physical activities in front of others at the moment? If it’s the latter then there’s loads of online stuff that could be fun - dancing, strength training, yoga. Or she could do couch to 5k (on her own and at her own pace).
If she wants to do stuff with other people then it should be easy to find teen classes at the gym/pilates/dance studio over the summer and you could help her coordinate with others to get them booked into the same sessions. Or what about something “fashionable” like padel tennis?

Also, I would approach these things in the way of them being summer activities to do, rather than telling her she should work on her fitness.

This is so lacking in empathy it's untrue!

If she doesn't like the idea of formal exercise then how are "retro workouts" going to help? They're workouts, but from a time you won't remember! Oh yeah, that'll motivate her!

Whoever suggested "activity" has it right. Do things that require exercise rather than doing exercise. Climbing, canoeing, dog walking... mucking out horses, a paper round.

Martial arts. Progress is at your own pace, suitable for all ages. The repetitive nature improves gross motor skills. Balance improves.

There's loads and loads of running 'influencers' out there these days who make running look really glamorous and fun. I'm not sure how you would force her to follow them though.

Is she embarrassed to exercise in public? Would she use some kind of exercise bike, walking pad/treadmill at home?

My teen ds uses my exercise bike but would feel too self conscious exercising amongst the masses. My teen dd will come for a run with me sometimes but only if it's where she is guaranteed not to meet anyone that she knows.