To ask how to motivate a kid who is intimidated by competitive sports to want to exercise?

@Thelaughingtonepoliceman if she likes swimming has she considered the lifeguard training? I didn't want to do swim club but loved doing lifeguard training.
It was a mix of swimming skills, rescue skills and first aid training when I did it

Oh lord I was your daughter. It took a while to get there for me but after much trial and error (bless my mam and her infinite patience) I fell in love with kayaking and climbing at 15. Still do them now! Worth a go? Some collaboration needed at times but both are mostly solo activities and while they can be competitive, they don't feel it in a casual setting.

Oh that’s great you’ve found something she’s agreed to do.

I see it’s been mentioned but I was going to suggest climbing- loads of climbing centres popping up and it’s very much non competitive. Also my local gym runs teen sessions, the staff will show them how to use the machines and give them tips on reps/rests etc. Just in case you have similar and it might be of interest.

I was also completely put off by school sports.
I have always loved swimming, cycling, and did yoga as my DofE sport with my mum and basically have kept those up my whole life. I now do Pilates instead of yoga but same idea!

What does she not enjoy about activity? Is it really the competitiveness or is she just an excuse for something else (eg being teased / bullied)? Is she unfit or inflexible? Is she self-conscious about wearing PE clothes or doing stuff during her periods? Depending on the reasons you can suggest stuff after school.

If she’s unfit / inflexible I’d recommend starting whole body activities like gynmastics / climbing / rowing / martial arts / swimming and taking it slowly - enroll her in girls only or 16+ classes if local activities are too young child or boy centric. Even beginners yoga can be fun if you do it with her.

If it’s a wider self-confidence issue then enrolling her in a sports club outside of echool for a competitive sport may well help. School clubs tend to never pick the kids who are genuinely the best - just the ones who are fastest or score the most. But a proper sports club will reward things like consistancy of passing / teamwork / setting up goals etc.

Youth group : rangers, sea cadets ? Air cadets ??
all will have activity as opposed to formal sport

Dance class ??
cheerleading ???

walking the junior park run is better than not going

Would she try martial arts? Or dance? Can she go swimming regularly? What about joining a gym?

I didn’t do much sport as a teen, but I did walk a lot to school & various social activities alone & with friends as I liked being independent & it was also very sociable. This meant that when I did want to do sport a bit later, I had a basic level of fitness to build on.

If she likes walking, you could think about her week & if there are any journeys she could walk instead of by car / bus to increase her independence. Cycling might also work for this for short trips that are a bit too long to walk, if you have safe routes.

If she is happy to walk the Parkrun, you could encourage that as Parkrun are really keen to encourage parkwalking for people who can’t or don’t want to run. She could also volunteer to be the official parkwalker or tailwalker as she might find the volunteer credits motivating (the 5k app is good for this) or useful for Duke of Edinburgh.

I was your daughter! Hated school sports, refused to do them any more from age 14, still hate team sports and exercise classes with a fiery passion. However I love walking and also discovered I enjoy power yoga, weights, horse riding and hiking. As long as your daughter is active she doesn't need to do an official activity or join a club; indeed that might put her off more. But you can set up or encourage fun activities which include movement and don't resemble school sports. She'll find her way.

Leave the poor kid alone. You'll achieve nothing except to put her back up and put her off exercise for life. She's a teenager, you'll have plenty of things along the way to fall out about without adding this to the list, The poor girl will have enough to put up with having to do PE at school without you adding any more to the pressure.

I’m the 47 year old version of your daughter! I despise sport, hated PE at school and hate any kind of competitive sport even now. I also hate exercise classes because as soon as the instructor starts talking I’m back at school with vile PE teachers! However, I’m now fat and unfit. I do walk, and should walk more because I love it, including proper hiking. Encourage activity, don’t call it sport!

Another idea about daily activity is that we always walk or cycle wherever we can. I will not drive anyone to school or the local shops as these are walkable distance. If they want to buy snacks at least they have to walk to get them. We also have a family rule that we always take the stairs (not the lift or escalator). I got my kids to believe that lifts are for people who are old or disabled so they automatically don’t use them now. I read something about how the small bits of daily activity we do add up and are more important in fact than organised sessions so I have concentrated on getting them to have those small habits more than on playing sport which I always hated and so do they.

YouTube fitness videos to do together at home? The Body Project are good.

There is Maeve Madden on Instagram, she runs a programme called Queens Don’t Quit with at-home workouts which you do have to pay for. She also regularly
posts shorter routines on her Instagram for free.

Also cycling is a bit of a given around here. All the kids cycle to school, to each others houses and into town and they see it as transport and not exercise. I guess that is heavily dependent on where you live but I thought that being independently mobile might be a way to sell it that isn’t exercise.

My dd14 is the same. Not interested in group sports or being competitive. She gets her exercise through walking. Dh and I take in turns of walking with her and she does about 3 km about 5 times a week. It's always a brisk walk, some times hilly, but mostly it gives her a chance to get some endorphins and talk through her day.

They have liked niche skill based stuff much more than mainstream team sports. My DD did fencing for a while and a self defence class and DS enjoys indoor climbing. They still like messing about on our climbing frame as teenagers and DS taught himself to do pull ups.

i’m the same, but I love yoga and rock climbing, walking, swimming, surfing, rollerskating, boxing, and I’m even growing to like weightlifting. There’s lots of ways to stay active without getting competitive. Try a few things like skating that don’t look like sport but more like play?

How about volunteering as a Tail Walker at Park Run. You have to walk and you have to stay at the back so literally no competitiveness. She will also meet a very wide range of people of all ages and abilities and see that you don't have to look a certain way or be a certain type of person to exercise.

My non competitive, non sporty kids have enjoyed yoga, hill walking (good for D of E and we got a dog) and the gym. I got them both a junior gym membership from 14 to come with us and they enjoy that.

She likes walking and is OK with swimming. Why does she need to do anything else

I came to suggest rugby. As a non-sporty woman, I found it great.

You don't need to be able to run, throw or catch - just look at every prop ever. Everyone is bad when they first start because the ball is weirdly shaped and the rules make no sense. It really is a sport of all different shapes and sizes, at every level, but especially for women at lower levels.

People start as complete beginners well into adulthood. It's a very open, supportive community too. I've never seen a sport where people care so little about winning - at most clubs, you're basically a star player for just turning up so there are enough bodies to not forfeit the match.

Not to diminish that there are fantastic, talented, strategic, athletic players. Our women's team are awesome... but you don't have to be at all good, practised or "sporty" to do really well.

My kids are not that sporty but they do parkour and skateboarding.

The thing is they chose to do these things themselves. One saw it at the Olympics on TV. The other saw someone doing parkour on a YouTube video.

They have tried other sports but they need to find their thing. I love running but I'll never get then doing that as it's not for them.

I would back off and encourage them when they do find their thing. That might be over the summer holidays it might take longer.

School are ridiculous for making such a huge deal out of these sports competitions, as if it has any bearing on how you'll turn out! I was rubbish at PE, and guess what, slim, healthy bmi, lots of stamina. I play moderate sports such as tennis, and go on 7 mile hikes with ease.