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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you can’t have everything you want at work?

42 replies

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 11:17

I’m a manager of a small team - me and two other people. We work in a small, busy office. We are a professionally trained team but don’t work in a corporate environment - we work in a school.

We are a support function and we get a lot of callers into the office. It’s busy.

We are all part-time with different patterns.

I am perfectly comfortable with the team saying ‘Sarah will be in at 10 and she deals with the petty cash - can you come back then?’ Or ‘Lisa can do that tomorrow morning no problem’ when there are non- urgent things. Most are non-urgent.

The only person who really has urgent stuff is me by dint of my role.

Lisa is becoming frustrated as she feels she’s picking stuff up she shouldn’t have to.

I’ve told her she doesn’t have to, there is zero expectation of that. She feels we aren’t offering the support the team should if she tells them to wait.

There are not three full time roles in the team.

This is a bone of contention. There is no solution that suits her.

I basically think that she wants to work in a corporate environment but doesn’t want the hassle of finding a new job with less flexibility.

Because we’re part time she can do things like message me the night before and ask if she can swap days to accommodate personal things. She loves very nearby etc - it’s very convenient.

One issue is she’s overqualified for the job she’s doing. I raised this at interview and she was clear it was about work life balance and suiting her family life etc. We all make choices like this from time to time so I don’t mind that. But I think she may be hoping I’d have left and she could have my job. Unfortunately for her this job suits me very well and I like it so I’m not going anywhere for a while.

AIBU to think I cannot solve this? She wants to turn our workplace into something it isn’t and that just isn’t going to happen.

OP posts:
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Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 17:56

Jellycatspyjamas · 06/07/2025 17:50

So she doesn’t like being interrupted by people needing a particular thing done. She doesn’t want to ask people to come back when X person will be able to help them. She thinks someone should provide the service there and then (but not her).

Thats madness.

YES!! You have crystallised it!

& thank you @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 06/07/2025 17:50

So she doesn’t like being interrupted by people needing a particular thing done. She doesn’t want to ask people to come back when X person will be able to help them. She thinks someone should provide the service there and then (but not her).

Thats madness.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/07/2025 17:50

You have been perfectly clear, imo, @Merryoldgoat. Lisa sounds as if she is being very difficult.

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 17:45

NeedToChangeName · 06/07/2025 17:42

Your team sounds inefficient

If junior isn't available, Lisa should help with queries

We aren’t.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 06/07/2025 17:42

Your team sounds inefficient

If junior isn't available, Lisa should help with queries

Om83 · 06/07/2025 17:41

could you survey the staff to actually find out if they do mind coming back and ask for possible ideas if they don’t. Then you have proof to shove in Lisa’s face why you are either not changing things, or having engaged with your ‘customers’, you might find a different solution completely?

Pinky1256 · 06/07/2025 17:24

I think that if Lisa can help them, then she must help them. Don't give her the choice to have them come back, unless she's working on something very urgent. If your office gives a service, then she should give it immediately without whining.

I would tell her that this is how the job works and if she doesn't like it the door is always open. I'm a manager of people and if the employees think that you're too soft will often take advantage.

There could be the point that she wants your job and by complaining wants others to "realise" that you can't run the office and that she could do it better.

GRex · 06/07/2025 17:06

If you're manning an office, then you need to change the ethos so the team actually help people. Nobody should be sent away who needs a physical thing, that's just wasting their time, if it's teachers then their time is less flexible and therefore more important than yours. Just change the model to say all requests in person must be resolved (physical thing like cash or urgent help needed within a day or two) or added to an email queue and say the person responsible will action within a day or two (to put a stop to the non urgent queue jumping). If someone doesn't like interruptions then the job doesn't suit, so tough. It might help to address a clearer rota though; if it's 9 hours each day and you've already got admin doing 5 that's 55% of the time, so split the remainder of cover into shifts, max 7 hours of being interrupted each for the other 3 of you.

Boomer55 · 06/07/2025 16:48

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 11:17

I’m a manager of a small team - me and two other people. We work in a small, busy office. We are a professionally trained team but don’t work in a corporate environment - we work in a school.

We are a support function and we get a lot of callers into the office. It’s busy.

We are all part-time with different patterns.

I am perfectly comfortable with the team saying ‘Sarah will be in at 10 and she deals with the petty cash - can you come back then?’ Or ‘Lisa can do that tomorrow morning no problem’ when there are non- urgent things. Most are non-urgent.

The only person who really has urgent stuff is me by dint of my role.

Lisa is becoming frustrated as she feels she’s picking stuff up she shouldn’t have to.

I’ve told her she doesn’t have to, there is zero expectation of that. She feels we aren’t offering the support the team should if she tells them to wait.

There are not three full time roles in the team.

This is a bone of contention. There is no solution that suits her.

I basically think that she wants to work in a corporate environment but doesn’t want the hassle of finding a new job with less flexibility.

Because we’re part time she can do things like message me the night before and ask if she can swap days to accommodate personal things. She loves very nearby etc - it’s very convenient.

One issue is she’s overqualified for the job she’s doing. I raised this at interview and she was clear it was about work life balance and suiting her family life etc. We all make choices like this from time to time so I don’t mind that. But I think she may be hoping I’d have left and she could have my job. Unfortunately for her this job suits me very well and I like it so I’m not going anywhere for a while.

AIBU to think I cannot solve this? She wants to turn our workplace into something it isn’t and that just isn’t going to happen.

None of us can have everything we want anywhere. Thats how life is. 🤷‍♀️

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 16:46

Minnie798 · 06/07/2025 16:36

What changes is the staff member suggesting?

Oh none. She’s got no solutions or suggestions.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 16:45

I’m obviously not explaining this very well. I’ll try one more time.

We all can and do cover those basic tasks. It’s part of the job. On occasion we can be busy with particular tasks.

A colleague says sometimes she gets interrupted to do tasks which aren’t strictly her job when she’s alone if the office. We all cover these as the junior works 5 hours a day so if someone comes in before or after she’s there we can pick it up.

’Lisa’ thinks that the staff coming outside of when the junior is there should be helped. I don’t disagree. But she doesn’t always want to be interrupted. So I’ve said if it’s not an urgent query (rarely is), you can ask them to wait until junior is back the following day.

She doesn’t think this is acceptable.

So what is the solution? We do not need the junior 40 hours a week.

90% of people email or call and make arrangements and it’s all fine. This is a non issue if I’m alone as I just do whatever. It’s a non issue if the junior is alone.

The issue isn’t that the school/staff isn’t getting the service they want and need - they are. I would’ve been called into the bursar’s office in a heartbeat if staff were not happy.

It’s not like there is a steady stream of callers when only she’s there. It’s just IF it happens this stuff comes up.

I hope that makes things clearer.

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 06/07/2025 16:36

What changes is the staff member suggesting?

IfNot · 06/07/2025 16:32

If you are the head of the team I don’t understand why you are not telling this employees she DOES have to do the petty cash/ admin task or whatever when people ask. She can moan sbout it all she wants but it’s the job, when the juniors not there.
You should be aiming to minimise hassle for your customers, corporate or not.

Shedmistress · 06/07/2025 16:30

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 15:18

This really should be something that all of you should be able to do and jobs should be picked up as they come up, in order not saved for specific days.

Also - this just isn’t true. Team members in lots of organisations have different responsibilities. Some bits will be shared/picked up, but some stuff is an individual’s responsibility - we’re not a team that all do the same job.

It’s line having an HR team - the HR administrator won’t pick up thing that are the manager’s responsibility but all the team could pick up a sickness question even if it’s the officer’s responsibility to record and maintain sickness records.

Why not look at it in terms of: you seem to be managing a team that is pissing off the teaching staff and unable to cope with anything that isn't planned or timed properly.

If you think of it as 'these are the tasks, how do I ensure that people's time isn't wasted by having to come back all the time, and make sure that all the tasks can be done by everyone, at the point of need, and when the need isn't at the door asking for stuff, people get on with their assigned duties and shit gets done'.

If you are the manager then you need to manage your team and get stuff done, not just sit by and turn people away from the door because the wrong person is in.

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 16:28

Needlenardlenoo · 06/07/2025 16:17

I am also a teacher who often gets turned away from the admin or estates office because the one person who can do the thing isn't there.

My God it drives me mad.

I've actually cut down down how many trips out of school I do to avoid:

3 x trips to get the phone (one because the charger doesn't work)
3 x trips to get the first aid kit
3 x trips to get the parent contacts
Multiple attempts to check they've actually booked the free train tickets (not allowed to do it myself)
Probably into double figures if it involves anyone paying for anything (not allowed access to the database to check myself)

And I've been waiting for a key for an office I'd like to be able to use for about 3 months now.

Genuine question: why wouldn’t you email and say ‘when can I collect the phone’ etc?

Because is someone emails or calls and says ‘when can I get x’ I’ll tell them and it’ll be ready.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 16:26

@DoYouReally

None of what you’ve inferred in correct though - I’m not defensive - I’m exasperated.

People DO know when we are available and when, and what we do, it’s just people come u when they fancy and hedge their bets. I’m not sure if you’ve worked in a school before but it’s not like a corporate office. People just show up, hope for the best and take their chances. They know our working patterns etc. but it’s not information they hold in their head. All they know is ‘oh, I need a thing from finance, I’ll go now’ with no thought as to who may be there at that point. I’m told every school is like this but I’ve only worked at this one.

We all know exactly what our roles are. She just thinks the team should run differently but that involves having 3 full time staff members which there is no need for.

Leave isn’t an issue as we can only take leave in the school holidays when there are no requests for these ad hoc things.

Sickness - I’m not sure why you think there is no sickness cover - I haven’t said that once.

I, for example, am perfectly happy to help people with anything I can when they pop in if the requisite person isn’t there. It’s not a big deal for me. For some reason it is for her.

OP posts:
Needlenardlenoo · 06/07/2025 16:18

They probably think I don't mind because why would I be rude - I'd get even worse service!

Needlenardlenoo · 06/07/2025 16:17

I am also a teacher who often gets turned away from the admin or estates office because the one person who can do the thing isn't there.

My God it drives me mad.

I've actually cut down down how many trips out of school I do to avoid:

3 x trips to get the phone (one because the charger doesn't work)
3 x trips to get the first aid kit
3 x trips to get the parent contacts
Multiple attempts to check they've actually booked the free train tickets (not allowed to do it myself)
Probably into double figures if it involves anyone paying for anything (not allowed access to the database to check myself)

And I've been waiting for a key for an office I'd like to be able to use for about 3 months now.

DoYouReally · 06/07/2025 16:12

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 15:59

How? Because one person is complaining about it?

People come in. We can help them or ask them to come back. They never mind coming back.

This one person neither wants to cover junior tasks nor wants to send people away but wants to enjoy the flexibility of the role and workplace.

Explain how it’s a mess?

You don't really seem receptive to feedback and seem defensive of the place.

You appear (based on your own words) to manage a team where

  1. no one really knows when they can respond to requests (they very their hours and days)
  2. "Customers/service users appear to have no clue when certain things can be done
  3. These customers/service users often have to come back because of unexpected or unclear absences - that's hardly efficient and just because you don't hear the complaints doesn't mean they don't exist
  4. You have a staff member who is clearly unhappy and you think it's completely her fault (it may well be)
  5. You have a staff remember who really doesn't seem to know what her role includes/excludes
  6. You don't seem to have any proper contingency in place to deal with illness or other leave (surely there should be an overlap on dome of the most common tasks and it should be understood that everyone should carry put these tasks when necessary)
Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 16:11

DublinLaLaLa · 06/07/2025 16:06

They never mind coming back.

I’m a teacher. We don’t say we mind coming back but we do.

Only one person is responsible for keys in our place. Three times I’ve visited the office to get a particular key this year (huge school, different block). All three times Queen of the Keys has been out. I still have no key to my classroom door and it’s the end of the year in three weeks! Will she nip across to me to pass on a key when she’s in? Nope! 🙄

We don’t have a ‘queen of keys’ - or anything like that.

And I WOULD bring you what you were looking for if you needed it.

My issue is she CAN help, she thinks people SHOULD be helped there and then, but she resents having to do it. So I tell her she doesn’t HAVE to, but then she is not happy.

The more I type this the more I realise how ridiculous it is.

OP posts:
CatOnAHotRadiator · 06/07/2025 16:09

Cyanometer · 06/07/2025 13:01

Sounds good @Merryoldgoat

I always wonder what my boss would say about me @CatOnAHotRadiator. I think it might be similar to what you're saying - can be a PITA about things I don't value at times, but is also experienced and really useful to have around for some things.

Tbh @Cyanometer the colleague I’m thinking of is someone I really value. If I’m honest I can find her tricky as she views things very differently to me. But it’s actually really useful as it’s very helpful to have an alternative view when it comes to problem solving. Because she’s very capable and a decent human I always take care to listen carefully to her thoughts. It’s stood me in good stead in what is my first line management role and a think she’s brilliant for continuing to professionally challenge when it’s appropriate.

DublinLaLaLa · 06/07/2025 16:06

They never mind coming back.

I’m a teacher. We don’t say we mind coming back but we do.

Only one person is responsible for keys in our place. Three times I’ve visited the office to get a particular key this year (huge school, different block). All three times Queen of the Keys has been out. I still have no key to my classroom door and it’s the end of the year in three weeks! Will she nip across to me to pass on a key when she’s in? Nope! 🙄

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 16:01

No one is struggling - she just doesn’t want to do it but doesn’t want to pass it on - does that sound reasonable honestly?

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Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 15:59

DoYouReally · 06/07/2025 15:43

The entire team/work tasks/flexibility seems like a mess tbh.

I couldn't work in an environment where the team seems to struggle with extremely basic things.

How? Because one person is complaining about it?

People come in. We can help them or ask them to come back. They never mind coming back.

This one person neither wants to cover junior tasks nor wants to send people away but wants to enjoy the flexibility of the role and workplace.

Explain how it’s a mess?

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 06/07/2025 15:43

The entire team/work tasks/flexibility seems like a mess tbh.

I couldn't work in an environment where the team seems to struggle with extremely basic things.