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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu for being pissed off with DH over swimming lesson

54 replies

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:28

So he works Monday-Friday, usually leaves around 7am and back about 5.30-6pm. I work Monday-Friday 9.30-2.30. He works away quite a lot as well as being at home.

So I am the one who does everything regarding kids and school plus housework and cooking. When he gets home everything is done, he doesn’t have to do anything. Even on a weekend I’m the one who’s up with the kids first and giving them breakfast. I don’t mind this, I’m not one for staying in bed. He usually gets up an hour later than us. He does take both dds out Sundays to his mums for about 6 hours so I can get all the house cleaned and have a bit of time to myself. He goes for a run 4 times a week and usually out of the house for about an hour.

Sundays our oldest dd has swimming lessons at 9.45am. He takes her. He’s just said to me, we can start taking it in turns taking her, let him have a rest.
Aibu to be pissed off with him saying this? This is literally the only thing he has to do.

OP posts:
Theroadnottravelled · 07/07/2025 19:38

Watching this with interest. My situation is similar although my DH has never said that!! I work part time, he’s self employed which means long hours. I do almost everything. Most of the school and nursery runs (I drive, DH doesn’t), childcare, housework, cooking, cleaning, swimming/activities, all on me due to working fewer hours. He goes to bed later, sleeps in later. I feel a bit let down but he does work more. I feel you OP.

ThatLoudBear · 07/07/2025 19:12

Can you do alternate Sundays if he chips in more during the week?
I appreciate he is out of the house all day, however if he's not doing owt to help during the week and still manages to get (4, I think you said) runs during the week, then he's potentially taking the piss?

SunnyValemin · 07/07/2025 19:07

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:42

I said to him it’s the only thing you do, I do everything else during the week and Saturday morning. His reply was,
well what can I do when I’m at work. You’re just doing what any other woman does and I’m working like any other man.

What a charmer.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 07/07/2025 18:58

So he works/commutes 11 hours 5 days per week and does 6 hours of solo childcare (or does gran do it really?). So ‘works’ for the family 61 hours p/w

you work 5 hours a day 5 days a week which is 25 hours p/w, how many hours of cooking, cleaning and solo childcare are you doing? If it’s more than 36 then he should do more.

DorothyStorm · 07/07/2025 18:58

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:43

Yes we always do things as a family on Saturdays. I say every Sunday he takes them but more like every other Sunday

Show quote history

Why is he only doing every other Sunday now?

his attitude is dreadful. Are you financially secure enough to be working so part time? You may need to consider upping your hours and sharing the load more with him.

what is he contributing to your pension since you are the one making all the sacrifices?

BDG007 · 07/07/2025 18:54

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:28

So he works Monday-Friday, usually leaves around 7am and back about 5.30-6pm. I work Monday-Friday 9.30-2.30. He works away quite a lot as well as being at home.

So I am the one who does everything regarding kids and school plus housework and cooking. When he gets home everything is done, he doesn’t have to do anything. Even on a weekend I’m the one who’s up with the kids first and giving them breakfast. I don’t mind this, I’m not one for staying in bed. He usually gets up an hour later than us. He does take both dds out Sundays to his mums for about 6 hours so I can get all the house cleaned and have a bit of time to myself. He goes for a run 4 times a week and usually out of the house for about an hour.

Sundays our oldest dd has swimming lessons at 9.45am. He takes her. He’s just said to me, we can start taking it in turns taking her, let him have a rest.
Aibu to be pissed off with him saying this? This is literally the only thing he has to do.

How would you feel if he wanted to work part time and you had to work full time and bear the majority of the financial responsibility?

CandyLeBonBon · 06/07/2025 11:41

I think the swimming lessons are the least of your problems!

AlphaApple · 06/07/2025 11:30

Lazy and misogynistic. Lovely.

IWantItToStop · 06/07/2025 11:27

You know on a Sunday he’s sitting there being waited on my mummy who’s looking after the kids and your break is six hours of housework? And then he said that?

Myfridgeiscool · 06/07/2025 11:24

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:42

I said to him it’s the only thing you do, I do everything else during the week and Saturday morning. His reply was,
well what can I do when I’m at work. You’re just doing what any other woman does and I’m working like any other man.

This took my breath away!
speechless.

BlueMum16 · 06/07/2025 10:22

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:43

Yes we always do things as a family on Saturdays. I say every Sunday he takes them but more like every other Sunday

Show quote history

Evenings should be split. Do you take turns doing bath and bed with DC? If not tell him it's his turn.

Saturday family stuff is great to hear.

Sunday - take turns with lessons, one cleans, one does lessons.

Take turns on the lie in too at weekends.

Time for him to be more of a parent.

That's what other men:women do.

BountifulPantry · 06/07/2025 10:11

This week make a detailed list of every single thing you do. Create a spreadsheet and send it to him at work.

Then offer to go full time if he’d like to swap with you.

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/07/2025 10:05

‘For sure I’ve been thinking about sharing the load more. Would you like to cook dinner Saturday or Sunday? And I’ll sleep in till 8:30 Sunday so you get up with the kids, if you do 2 loads of washing I’ll do 2 on the weekend too, as I am going to start going to the gym a couple of times a week, girlfriends have pointed out how you get to go 4 times a week so I’ll be going two times a week and you will have to do a bit more there.’
stop being a walk over. Tell him that other men who work clean up dinner, coach the footy team, do school admin, bedtimes, you just moan because you have to do ONE THING.

BookArt55 · 06/07/2025 09:59

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:42

I said to him it’s the only thing you do, I do everything else during the week and Saturday morning. His reply was,
well what can I do when I’m at work. You’re just doing what any other woman does and I’m working like any other man.

Wow. Just wow.
How does this relationship benefit you? And I don't mean financial support, especially as that is all he thinks he needs to do.
Agree to every other Sunday taking your child to swimming, but he then cleanser every other Sunday. Do a list.
But honestly, this isn't sustainable. Resentment is already building. If changes aren't made asap this relationship is already or will soon be over.
When he is at home he needs to be doing 50% of the parenting and housework. He's ridiculous.

Emelene · 06/07/2025 09:45

I’d call his bluff and come back with “great, you want to start splitting everything with the house and kids?” And come back with a list of what you did that is now his responsibility. He’s taking you for granted.

Inertia · 06/07/2025 09:44

Present with a detailed breakdown of all the cleaning you do on Sundays. He can do that while you cover swimming lessons.

Blanca87 · 06/07/2025 09:44

If he fucking said that stop doing anything for him.

Original poster
whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:43

Picklechicken · 06/07/2025 09:41

I think this is odd too. Don’t you ever spend a day at the weekend doing things as a family together?

Show quote history

Yes we always do things as a family on Saturdays. I say every Sunday he takes them but more like every other Sunday

OP posts:
Kissedbyfire1 · 06/07/2025 09:43

whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:42

I said to him it’s the only thing you do, I do everything else during the week and Saturday morning. His reply was,
well what can I do when I’m at work. You’re just doing what any other woman does and I’m working like any other man.

And the second that was out of his mouth he’d be gone if he was mine.

Original poster
whitehear · 06/07/2025 09:42

I said to him it’s the only thing you do, I do everything else during the week and Saturday morning. His reply was,
well what can I do when I’m at work. You’re just doing what any other woman does and I’m working like any other man.

OP posts:
Picklechicken · 06/07/2025 09:41

EarringsandLipstick · 06/07/2025 09:34

Good suggestion.

He takes the DC to his mum’s every Sunday for 6 hours? I think this is so strange - split the housework & do something together on Sundays instead.

In terms of the split during the week, he’s gone early and you work shorter hours so that makes sense; however there’s still plenty of time for him to pitch in in the evenings, and he should be.

Show quote history

I think this is odd too. Don’t you ever spend a day at the weekend doing things as a family together?

Hermanfromguesswho · 06/07/2025 09:37

I’d definitely be saying to him that if he wants to share the load of the one thing he does then he also has to share the load of all the things you do (so get up every other morning with the kids, take every other Sunday to clean to the house etc) or he can just stick to taking the kids to swimming every week and not be a dick

Simonjt · 06/07/2025 09:36

I can’t see why him working more hours than you mean he doesn’t do any parenting, cleaning or cooking.

Eenameenadeeka · 06/07/2025 09:36

I wouldn't mind, I like seeing them do their activities. i think he should help with other things though! Housework and things.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/07/2025 09:34

BlueMum16 · 06/07/2025 09:30

Why don't you take her swimming while he doesn't some housework.

That way you don't do it all.

Good suggestion.

He takes the DC to his mum’s every Sunday for 6 hours? I think this is so strange - split the housework & do something together on Sundays instead.

In terms of the split during the week, he’s gone early and you work shorter hours so that makes sense; however there’s still plenty of time for him to pitch in in the evenings, and he should be.