My husband and I have not had sex in 1 year. There is a long back story as to why. He always had a low libido and frequently did not want sex. I was always the only one working on it, reading the books, buying the lingerie etc. We have been together 26 years. This is a longstanding problem of over 20 years duration. In the last year things shifted and now I'm the one who doesn't want it:
He found counselling notes (and therefore found out I had been seeing a counsellor) saying that I felt sad/sick at the thought of having sex with him, because we had been completely sexless for four years prior (his choice). I felt disconnected from him emotionally due to this and now did not want sex even though he again did.
He then admitted during a chat about it that he had not wanted to have sex with me during those four years because I weighed 154 pounds at 5'6 (a UK size 10-12) after having our second child. I eventually lost it to my normal weight of 128 pounds (a UK 6-8) and he then found me attractive again. MUCH HARDER second time around.
It was devastating to learn that after having his second son, and during those four years nursing my mother to her death, also losing my father, and working to support our family after he was made redundant, that my primary worth in terms of my attractiveness was measured by around 25 pounds. He did not acknowledge our wedding anniversary or take me to work functions or awards nights or anything during this time. Zero romance and essentially I was part of the furniture.
As soon as I lost the weight, the attention came back full throttle, with almost all the overtures referencing my weight loss.
The kicker is that he was very overweight himself, he has now lost about 15kg but is still more overweight than I was (by BMI) when I was apparently too disgusting to have intimacy with. And yes, we are still married and I feel it has destroyed my sexual and physical self-esteem. Basically I just can't bring myself to find him at all sexually attractive anymore and he feels like a stranger in this regard. Nothing I do works. The one time a year ago we did have sex I dissociated the entire time and was shaking afterwards. I don't want to leave the marriage because of my children.
TLDR: My husband sexually rejected me for four years over 2 stone in weight, now that I have lost the weight, I don't want him. AIBU?