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Original poster

To feel ‘less’ of a mother when you have one child

218 replies

HelloSunshine100 · 05/07/2025 22:18

Lately I don’t know if I am creating this feeling myself or just noticing things but does anyone else feel like others make you feel less of a parent when you only have one child?
Like the school mums with 3 young kids under five rushing from school run to nursery and carting the baby around etc..almost like they are the ones to really be exhausted and tired and if you have one child it’s awkward to claim your struggling and tired cos you only have one?! Almost like feeling less entitled to the role as parent as you don’t have multiple kids ‘you only have one it must be so easy’ these sorts of comments are widely thrown around…

OP posts:
Gnarab24 · 06/07/2025 14:18

God, some women really will just tear other women down for any reason.
This just sounds like a variant of the women who have sections haven’t given birth properly nonsense.
I bet no men sit and make these observations about other men.

Guavafish1 · 06/07/2025 13:58

So people can have more than 5 kids and be rubbish parents/mothers

Cyanometer · 06/07/2025 13:58

Exactly @PolyVagalNerve - I hope I'm more of a mother to my single DC than my mother managed to be to me and my siblings.

Surroundedbyfools · 06/07/2025 13:58

I don’t really judge number of children but looking back to when I only had one I think wtf was I thinking. That was so easy compared to now but everyone’s circumstances r different !

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 06/07/2025 13:55

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/07/2025 13:46

It's not a competition you know. And how very presumptuous and arrogant to assume that someone with one child cannot POSSIBLY be as tired as someone with two. 🙄

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On the whole, someone with one child most likely isn’t more tired than someone with 3 under 5. It’s just common sense

PolyVagalNerve · 06/07/2025 13:51

My view - you are not less of a mum for having one -

I think women are less of a mum when they are dismissive of their kids, however many, neglectful, selfish e.g. prioritise partners over kids well being, have more kids than they can cope with, afford, care well for - those are the less than - to me

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/07/2025 13:46

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 06/07/2025 13:22

Yes I do know what it’s like to have 1 child.

i would never say to other mums they are lesser than me for having less children. I would however swiftly change the topic if a mum of 1 tried to chat to me about how tired we both are as if having 1 is the same

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It's not a competition you know. And how very presumptuous and arrogant to assume that someone with one child cannot POSSIBLY be as tired as someone with two. 🙄

muddlingthrou · 06/07/2025 13:39

Having had two polar opposite babies, I’m not aware that there are easy babies and there are tough ones. I’d rather have two easy ones than one tricky one anyday!

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 06/07/2025 13:22

FrangipaniBlue · 06/07/2025 10:43

and you can’t know what it’s like to have 1 because children are all different.

it’s usually best to keep comments to yourself because it’s attitudes like those of posters on this thread saying they’d eye roll that make mums like the OP feel “lesser”.

Nobody should be made to feel like that.

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Yes I do know what it’s like to have 1 child.

i would never say to other mums they are lesser than me for having less children. I would however swiftly change the topic if a mum of 1 tried to chat to me about how tired we both are as if having 1 is the same

Livpool · 06/07/2025 12:34

Not at all - I relish the fact that I can’t believe spend all my time on my DS

Thepossibility · 06/07/2025 12:29

I felt like the best mother when I had one. I had the time to raise my baby exactly how I wanted and actually enjoyed it. Additional children probably made me feel less of a mother and more like a grumpy, tired, stressed woman putting on a mum act as good as I could to get through the day.

Whynotjustengageyourbrain · 06/07/2025 12:06

Darkdiamond · 06/07/2025 11:41

This is the best comment I have ever read on Mumsnet. Can I give you some kind of voucher or award? I love this concept of parenting being a relationship and not a job. It is a relationship with huge responsibilities and duties, but that subtle definition is very nice to chew on. Cheers!

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Agree! 🫡

Cyanometer · 06/07/2025 11:49

Oh, I love that too @DarkForces 💛, it really resonates with me.

DarkForces · 06/07/2025 11:47

Darkdiamond · 06/07/2025 11:41

This is the best comment I have ever read on Mumsnet. Can I give you some kind of voucher or award? I love this concept of parenting being a relationship and not a job. It is a relationship with huge responsibilities and duties, but that subtle definition is very nice to chew on. Cheers!

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It's something I heard long ago and it's stuck with me and served me well. Glad it struck a chord in you too.

Darkdiamond · 06/07/2025 11:41

DarkForces · 06/07/2025 01:25

Parenting is a relationship, not a job and all that matters is the strength of each unique relationship with each child you have, however many you have. Being a positive, safe parent and enabling and supporting them to develop to the best of their abilities is the way to judge your 'worth' as a parent. I have one child and once she's an adult I'm sure she'll weigh up my parenting and her judgement is the only one I care about. I hope, on balance, she recognises I tried my best and made her childhood as good as I could.

I've only had one husband too. We've been married nearly quarter of a century and over half my life. Doesn't make me less of a wife than someone who has married multiple times. It's just a different experience

This is the best comment I have ever read on Mumsnet. Can I give you some kind of voucher or award? I love this concept of parenting being a relationship and not a job. It is a relationship with huge responsibilities and duties, but that subtle definition is very nice to chew on. Cheers!

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/07/2025 11:13

I have never heard anyone say that a mum of one child is less of a mother than those with two or more. What a batshit and ludicrous suggestion! Confused Whether you have one, two, three, or ten, you're still a mother!

Kuretake · 06/07/2025 11:11

KindLemur · 06/07/2025 09:19

haha yes this except you must get them all into competitive state grammars successfully, except maybe the youngest who will be a ‘free spirit ‘ and go to a trendy independent school where they do basket weaving and tree climbing for GCSE

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This is so accurate 🤣

FrangipaniBlue · 06/07/2025 10:43

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 06/07/2025 08:16

No it’s not envy in my case. I’m not jealous of those with less children than me (otherwise I would have stopped at one child or not have children). It’s genuinely a you don’t know what it’s like to have 2/3/4/5 kids because that person cannot know.

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and you can’t know what it’s like to have 1 because children are all different.

it’s usually best to keep comments to yourself because it’s attitudes like those of posters on this thread saying they’d eye roll that make mums like the OP feel “lesser”.

Nobody should be made to feel like that.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 06/07/2025 10:10

I love being a lesser mother if that's what it is.My ds is brilliant and I had no desire to parent more than one child.I feel quite smug actually.

Zizibobo · 06/07/2025 10:05

Their choice. I’m very happy to just have one DC. I knew I didn’t want more than 1 so for me I don’t feel less.

Clockworkchocolateorange · 06/07/2025 09:43

Well yes it’s definitely harder and more expensive, which is why I only have one. But I’m no less of a parent than someone with multiple kids.
You’re still allowed to feel tired and stressed with one child as much as you are with several. It can depend massively on your support network as well - or lack of it.
Enjoy the freedom that comes with one child( and the extra money)

GoneGirl12345 · 06/07/2025 09:41

I only had one and he was easy, so people tend to think I can't really relate to parenthood. And now he's a young adult, people forget I raised a whole child at all.

So yes, there is something in it. I don't feel of any less value but I think it can be perceived as easier. Especially now I am "done" in my early 40s while friends are juggling babies and toddlers still.

proximalhumerous · 06/07/2025 09:36

Whether it engenders smugness, pity or disdain, women whose judgement of the worth of other women and/or themselves is predicated on the number of children they have produced are not people whose opinion I would value.

Avantiagain · 06/07/2025 09:30

I don't think Sue Radford is the 'most' mother because she has 22.
If you are a mother you are a mother.

readingismycardio · 06/07/2025 09:28

I’m one and done. I always knew that. I also have plenty of help and DH is as involved in parenting as I am. I am tired as he’s a toddler and just won’t sit down😂, but I do have time for hobbies, dinner dates with husband and seeing friends. I’d never start over again.