To want to kill myself over bedtime

Newly single - maybe the stress of the change is contributing to it all? In which case you might want to just prioritise whatever is easy, like put him in your bed and sit next to him and watch a show on your phone with some headphones in or something.

The advice given to a friend helped me in this situation: if you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. So, as I understand that: lean into it rather than pulling from it (as you do now and are finding it - understandably - so frustrating), my eldest was a dream at bedtime so I was smug and launched into a second child who did not need or even entertain the idea of sleep. I found it so hard every step of the way. I did crazy things like holding a hand through bars of the cot, a mattress next to it and creeping out of the room line a ninja (future career for me definitely), holding his dor closed while he screamed... eventually I gave up and started going to bed with him. I geared my day towards that and because I wasn't necessarily sleepy I listened to audiobooks or Netflix on my phone but there was no conversation between us. He would toss and turn but stayed in bed and slept all night because I was there.

It was years before he slept independently but i don't think he would have been any better if I had continued the controlled crying nightmare either. He just doesn't need much sleep. He is grown up now (I do NOT miss those young years) and goes to bed early but would be up by 6am even in his teens.

I didn't resent him once I chose to sleep with him because I focused on the benefits to myself. I must not have had any social life during that time but on the odd occasion I did go out he probably slept with his sibling or my patience babysitting friend.

This probably seems extreme but it worked for me in that it removed the stress of nighttime for both of us. DS would stay in his room with a light on and a book knowing that I would eventually come up too.

Fwiw I was probably more open to this because I hated nighttime myself and my parents just yelled at me and I never improved at being alone. I went to boarding school which I liked because in a dormitory I was not alone 😭

I second the Super Nanny suggestion.

Does he still have a nap?

If you're single can he sleep in your bed with you?

I know lots of people hate that but it might help him feel settled.

Does he nap? If so, when?

@Whathaveidoneeeeee i was like this. Then I realised I was depressed and anxious. What help and support do you have for you?

Sertraline changed my life.

Practical solutions for little one (though I'm sure you've thought of and tried these)

• afraid of the dark?
• too warm/cold?
• overtired or not tired enough?
• bed type? At 2.5 we moved to a normal bed and Dc1 was up and down for hours because he could.

And you are doing great too. Don't doubt that. It's monumentally frustrating. It won't always be like this.

DH and I were talking just the other day about how we weren't allowed to come out of our rooms and how did we fail to install that in our children.

Most evenings I am far from cool and collected. I have yelled, I have bargained, I have cried with frustration. I have shouted already that she needs to shut her eyes and that it is unreasonable enough she makes me stay upstairs without making it worse by not even trying to go to sleep by closing her bloody eyes.

I have attempted to make my peace with it so that I don't get so angry. But it's taken ages. 18 months ago we could say goodnight, sit on the landing for 2 minutes then leave. Fuck knows where we went wrong to get to this stupid position.

My son was like this. The only thing that helped was getting older and a melatonin prescription.

No, he is in a bed. But he was in a cot when he was younger.
The tricky time we've had recently is because he wants to get up to have a wee constantly, but he's got over that now!

Have a look at the Supernanny videos on YouTube. She has a stay in bed technique and it shows her doing it so you know what to expect. Think of it as teaching him how to go to bed and sleep on his own. It has to be learnt.

Do you have a set routine? I work with toddlers. To get them asleep at rest time, we put on dim lights or fairy lights, then relaxing music, often the same music so that they learn what it means.some of the toddlers we gently pat their back to help them relax. Over time just quietly sit but don't speak, they will get easier, just be consistent.

This is the bit they should warn you about as a new parent. Everyone talks about sleepless nights, but nobody mentions it goes on FOR FUCKING YEARS

I do bath, dancing, story, into bed - all cuddly toys wish him good night, then I sing one song every night and say good night name, good night friends, good night pillow , good night blanket (ridiculous) and then I say 'I'll see you in the morning'

And I leave and don't go back in unless he is ill and needs more attention. Otherwise, it's bed time and I'm out. Did the same with my eldest. You do have to be hard hearted initially, and it's just what works for us- I understand others might not agree.

The comment about exercise reminds me of something - a lot of kids respond well to activity rather than quietness before bedtime. If my DD couldn't sleep as a little one I would quite often get her out of bed and go for a walk. I didn't know as a child she was autistic - she wasn't assessed until her teens. But there's information online about things called sensory circuits - basically a series of quite fun exercises that you get the kids to do which help calm and regulate them and so, help sleeping.

I can confirm I absolutely do not miss it.
Mine are pretty good now, but that's only because I've gone through the years of getting so mad at snapping at them about its bed time. I don't care what you do in your room but that's where you need to be kind of thing.
Mama has other shit to do between the times of 7pm and 1am (particularly when I was solo parenting and taking care of all the animals, renovating the house on the evening, finding time to workout and cook my own dinner, whilst also getting up in the night at least 4 times to bf)
They now know that the only time I will accept them out of bed is to go to the toilet really 😅
Sleep is something I really struggle with (not getting enough off or feeling rested) so it's super triggering 'losing hours' to bs bedtime mess around.
If you want to play and talk and do things, then before bed is the time kiddo....
Set your boundaries, and then plow through. It will get easier, someday! But it's freaking rough in the meantime.

Does he nap?

DD(7) had lights out over an hour ago. 10 minutes ago she came downstairs as she does nearly every chuffing night to claim she needs me to sit in her room so she "feels safe". So here I am, wasting another bloody evening watching her. If I leave she'll wind herself up and end up sobbing and then getting to sleep just takes longer.

Solidarity.

Not giving you much hope but we are still here at 10