To want to kill myself over bedtime

Its probably less stressful to let him stay up later or just watch tv in bed with him till he is more sleepy, than to feel this terrible over bedtime.

Your post reminds me of the dance party we used to do when the kids were tiny.

When they were tiny babies we always put on a classical music CD as we did the bed time routine. They’d be in a deep sleep by the time Clair de lune finished.

When they got to toddler stage we had a CD of kids bedtime songs by They Might Be Giants. We’d have a dance to the first couple of songs and then they would drift off to sleep listening to the rest of the CD.

They’re now older teenagers and the challenge is now getting them to actually want to get out of bed in the mornings 😂

If it helps I have 2 kids solo - 23/24 months old and 7/8 months old. I have blackout blinds and dim the lights/put on sleepy time jazz music at 6pm, do bath time, then milk and books/cuddles, the put the youngest down to sleep with a night night song (Good night X, good night x, good night x, I'll see you very soon - you can change X between their name, their cuddly toys, their toes, almost anything as it adds a bit of fun) and white noise, followed by the eldest into sleeping bag, night night song and white noise. Both still in cots but i don't go back in unless it is major. Routine is consistent every day and the night night song seems to help him a lot (he sings it randomly when we are leaving home and at other times to self soothe through a separation). I also make sure to have them out at least once if not twice during the day and if the activity isn't that physical i will let me eldest walk home to tire him out. Basically a combo of strong signals to his brain that it is time to calm down (dark, music, bathtime, reading), making sure he is reasonably tired (but sometimes he will talk to himself and cuddle his toys/suck his thumb for 45 minutes happily), thigns to help with seperation (cuddly toys, his thumb, the nigth night song) and clear boundaries seems to work for us for now.

Nah, it's not, bedtime with a sleep resisting toddler can be hell. Solidarity here with the OP.

Ohhh I am so with you. Drop the nap, if you haven't already. We have done about two thirds of the time, and on the days when she's napped it goes on for bloody ever. On the days when she doesn't nap she's spark out by 6:30pm. Heaven.

Sorry to hear you're struggling. It is tough!

My DD (3) takes about 1.5-2hrs from start of bath time to actually going to sleep, which eventually happens so late that it's almost my own bedtime. Her bedtime routine now has about 28 steps to it and ends with me lying with her singing endless lullabies until she eventually gives in conks out (usually after I've run low on patience and told her to stop messing about and GO TO SLEEP). I then just about have time to e.g. wash up from dinner and tidy up, and then I should really go to bed but usually end up farting about until at least midnight and then hating myself because I know I'll be knackered and miserable tomorrow!

There are days I find it incredibly frustrating (like when I needed to make her birthday cake and she just wouldn't go to sleep and I ended up doing it in the middle of the night aaaargh). But mostly I'm very aware that, if I'm being honest, I have created this situation myself by being a ridiculous soft touch and it (probably??!) won't be forever and I do actually love the cuddles and stories etc.

Er. So I guess I'm not in the position to give any advice? Just solidarity. The screaming does sound unbelievably tough, and I'm relieved I don't have to deal with that now, but when DD was a baby she used to scream and scream and scream at bedtime. My husband had to march around rocking her and I remember well that the anxiety I felt on the approach of evening was absolutely nauseating and debilitating.

Do you have any help? Any way you can get a break? Anything new you could try, putting on a gentle audiobook or something? Or some of those ear plugs for you that lessen background sound (like Loop?) so you don't feel so overwhelmed by it? Please do consider talking to your GP if you really feel you're struggling.

I’d agree watch super nanny, that shit works ! Nobody can understand how hard this is unless you’ve been in the same situation, and your feelings of guilt, exhaustion and anxiety are normal but your little one will also feel this from you, please seek help, even if it’s from you tube. I sat at the top of my stairs for two nights when my little one wouldn’t sleep , to break the cycle, many years ago now though x

would it not just be easier to accept co sleeping is part of both of yours life’s for a little while ? Something to think about ? Take care, it’s shit and difficult , but it will get better x

Very child dependent of course but that feels like too much napping if you want a 7pm to 7am overnight. Most 2.5 year olds i know have killed their nap.

My advice...

Cut the nap to no more than an hour.

You say night night, love you etc and leave, make sure the bedroom is pitch black (black out blinds if you don't have them!) and following this if they get up you just return them to bed without ever saying a word!! Place back in bed, tuck in, give a kiss and leave.

Mine coslept until a few weeks ago and got his own room at 4.5. Nights are ok but mornings are killing me.

Before his little bed was next to mine and he'd slip in during the morning hours. DP was in the spare room where he can snore alone.

Now DP is back snoring by me. And thump thump comes a little elephant DS and it seems that running through the flat really wakes him up so I have wiggling rolling talking at me at 6am after an already poor night sleep.

I can't decide which one of them is worse but it is wearing me down.

Supernanny’s bedtime routine WORKS.
Watch on Youtube etc.

It might sound a bit much but the reason I clicked on it is because I have felt this. Exactly this. That I may as well just die. It's bed times and all the other times I have had to repeat the same instruction or request several times. Kids 7 and 4 and as much as they bring me joy, they also bring me so much stress that in between life in general, my dh and them I sometimes wish I didn't exist. Or that I went on my travels as I did before they came along. Would I give them up for adoption? No. But there have been times I have wanted to report myself to SS because I can't take it anymore especially when I have been working day and night, 60 to 80 hour weeks and then they act out. I know it's all feeding into itself but gosh! Am whipped

He wanted things but I just basically ignored them if I felt he had everything he needed.
He's warm, has a drink, has had a story etc. it's night time and time to sleep. I have done it that way since the children were quite small really. I appreciate all children are different though. But when it comes to bedtime I am a bit of a bitch 😂

I think the post baby years when you have a child with low sleep needs or that struggles to fall asleep are incredibly hard. Sometimes you are doing all the right things but they still don't sleep..
My DD was a poor sleeper but we managed to keep (mostly) calm. I would limit deliberate time wasting tactics but she was (and still is) absolutely skilled at luring me into conversation 😂 - this has continued into her teens and is her favourite time to unload and chat. Sigh.
Solidarity OP. Remember there's thousands of parents going through this too!

My child goes to bed same time as me.
It would be impossible if he went in early.

Invest in a story telling device like a Toniebox!

Agree, it's utter shit OP

I know but things are clearly not working for the op at the moment so it could be worth cutting the length of the nap or implementing a later bedtime. Just before my just 2 year olds dropped their naps bedtime was 8pm and then when they dropped it went to 6.30 for a while and then 7.

Hi there

just from another point of view. My DD basically dropped all naps from age 1.5 onwards and took at least 2-3 hours to go to sleep every night.

We had the same up and down, hitting herself, screaming, etc etc .

We were actually prescribed melatonin a year ago(age 5) and it’s been absolutely life changing- she now falls asleep within 20 mins and sleeps all night.

I wish I’d done it years ago as it’s essentially resulted in the breakdown of my relationship.

As I said- ours had dropped all naps very early and did take 2 hours plus……

It can be really, really hard! I once worked out that just with my one child by the time they were 3 I had spent over 1000 hours on their bedroom floor/holding hands through the cot bars…doing whatever was necessary to get them to sleep. In hindsight I must have been bonkers but I was suffering from PND and did whatever was necessary to get me through…🤷‍♀️

But there's no right or wrong for this. My DC1 had a 3 hour kip after lunch after sleeping 12 hours until 3.5 and STILL wanted bed at 6pm.

Dc2 not so much. Dropped naps at 14 months and screamed blue murder for at least an hour at bedtime.

I do feel you and understand completely

2 is a tough time. I was really firm along the lines of I don’t care if you sleep but you must stay in your room and if you’re up before the gro clock turns green you’d better either need a wee or be unwell which paid off because now at age 4 bedtime is 1 story, kiss goodnight and goodbye. It’s easier to enforce when they’re in their own room with a stairgate on the door though. I honestly couldn’t have coped with them on a floorbed in my room.

Ah, I remember those days fondly 😤 😡

Have you tried the old trick of skipping ahead a few pages when you’re reading a book? When I was knackered and sick of reading the same fucking book for the millionth time, I’d do that and the kids didn’t notice when they were that age.

Good luck though and remember it’s not forever. Once they hit the teenage years you’ll struggle to peel him out of bed!

At this age two of mine had dropped their nap and the third one had a nap a nap of a maximum one hour every few days.

No you won't miss it. Dunno why people come out with such shite. You will gradually realize that it's not happening so much that's all