To want to kill myself over bedtime

If you search my name I posted recently about similar issues. OMG the fucking rage I feel at bedtime with my 2.5 year old when I’m knackered and she asks for the millionth book then the second I start reading it will ask for another. I now just put lullabies on Spotify, lay next to her and pretend to be asleep (or dead) until she gets bored of the bullshit and goes to sleep. But it is super tough. Not letting her nap has massively helped but it also means the second half of the day is really hard as she’s over tired and unreasonable. But worth it for the shorter bedtimes.

No, I do not and never have missed bedtime and it and the broken nights that I coped alone with for nearly two years were one of the reasons I only had one child. I loved reading stories, singing a few songs and having a cuddle but the OP's post brought back memories of the torment of those evenings and all the things I would try to get them to settle.

I used to cuddle my DC to sleep till he was probably around 5. I just accepted the fact he wouldn't go to sleep without me and did the thing that was least painful for both of us. I think you could definitely try a different approach and see what happens.

@Fundayout2025 My DD ended up hanging out with the older children (3&4 year olds) as most of them weren't napping anymore. She just wouldn't sleep!

Our GP had to write to Paediatrics to get it set up but there seems to be a different policy in different practices. it’s now done as a repeat prescription through my GP surgery. He does have ASD and autistic children do tend to produce less melatonin naturally so basically I was doing bedtimes on hard mode for years.

You can buy it off the shelf in the USA.

Oh please don’t assume it was something you did! I’m convinced that you either get a good sleeper or you don’t. I did all the ‘wrong’ things with mine, breastfed to sleep until he was nearly two, co-slept until he was three, lay by his bed for ages after that and he was and still is excellent at bed time x

Would you let him sleep in your bed with you? We did that with a 2 year old as he wouldn't sleep alone easily. He moved to his own room at 6 Yrs.

Start earlier. Make sure child is well fed in plenty of time. Threaten to throw out toy if they don't go to bed or something valuable to the child.

Yes I never understood the obsession with putting kids to bed at 7 pm. Just why? They then get up at the crack of dawn

Sleepovers at 2?

I was the same as you @Fourteenandahalfbest thing I ever did. He's 2.5 and in a bed, he knows he just has to kind of get on with it. We do dancing, singing, stories, cuddly teddies and buzz lightyear of course. Then I turn the lights off and leave him. I have a video monitor so I can see him, but unless he's ill or severely distressed I ignore him. Tonight he took a little longer than usual to fall asleep but he just lay there playing with buzz making flying noises and giggling till he fell asleep. I couldn't cope with sitting in his room 😬

I realise now that because I was with DS until he fell asleep as a baby, he grew a fear of falling asleep alone and it carries on for years if you don’t prove to them it’s ok to fall asleep when they’re alone. Organise sleep overs at friends and relatives as much as possible to get them out of the comfort zone.

How does that work if the child is having the nap while someone else is looking after them?

I remember people advising to restrict my DD1 s. Nap. However she had it at nursery so was beyond my control

It will pass OP! They’re all different. I slept in bed with mine until he was 3. Then spent a whole year laying on the floor next to his bed while he fell asleep until one night, I just got up and walked out to see what would happen. He was absolutely fine and I never heard a peep out of him all night. And still very rarely do (unless ill) he is 8 now.

My point being, don’t assume that this will last for years.

My DD is adult now and I had her when I barely turned 21, so probably was not well informed on the right way to parent the way many people are today. I do not remember any rituals around bedtime, also I was a full time working single mother from her 12 months, we shared a room, so I guess her bedtime was the same as mine. Probably a lot later than good parenting accepts now, around 9 pm. The end result was the same by the sounds of it, but were we both zonked at lights out. My point is, if the child is not tired, why put them to bed? Live your life, spend time with them, and when you are both off to bed, they can tuck you in.

blimey, mine are older now but it was definitely bedtime routine, into bed and if you dont stay put I will shut the door and turn the lights out.

There was inevitably some faffing about and running around upstairs which was usually sorted by a quick shout upstairs and then running back into bed.

I never sat with them while they went to sleep, in fact my presence would he stopped them sleeping!

We had this when my nearly 7 year old was that age. What fixed it for us was a Yoto box. For audio books,stories,music etc

Gives a bit of light or can be a night light as well which helped also.
First we used it on the white noise setting and it fixed bedtimes straight away for about a year. Then we moved on to a card that was bedtime stories. he did break again but then we got some meditation cards which has really helped him relax.

he can still take ages to go off sometimes but now we do stories together, tuck in and a nice 10 min cuddle/chat some nights longer. But now I can leave the room as he wants to listen to something to relax.

shall pop discount code below if you are interested. May not work but has been fab for us.

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This is both too long and too early a nap for most 2.5 year olds. 10.5 hours awake time isn’t very much for a 2.5 year old either - 13.5 hours is the very top end of average sleep needs for a toddler. I’m not surprised bedtime is a sh*t show to be honest, you are aiming for too much sleep and it’s at the wrong times.

I think you should cut the nap down to an hour max, make it a bit later and try and build in more awake time. So something like wake at 6:30, nap 12:30 - 13:30 and bed at 7 to be asleep for 7:30. If bedtime is still bad I’d look at phasing out the nap completely.

This is 100% your issue. Cut that nap and your bedtime will be significantly earlier and shorter. Start by waking after an hour but you may need to cut to 30 mins,.and most kids in UK drop by 3.

It is a psychological adjustment when you are used to having that break at weekends, but that is the price you pay for your evening...

Do you have a partner? Could you take it in turns and sit downstairs with headphones in now again?
You need a break xx

I presume you’ve already tried gentle sleep training with someone qualified, what happened with this? If it didn’t work, find someone else.

Everyone I know with sleep challenges had found a gentle sleep trainer worked usually within 1-3 days. I hope it gets easier! xx

What is your schedule like? If he is still taking naps, then most likely he is not tired at bedtime. My children all dropped naps at age 2, max 2.5. If they napped, they would not sleep until 10pm. When you first drop the nap, it takes about a week or so to get used to, as in you need to be careful not to do things that will encourage them to sleep in the afternoon like long car rides or long walks in the stroller. But after that, bedtime was 7pm again and all good. Also, need to make sure they are getting enough exercise during the day so they sleep well at night.

Are you from US? I'm about to get attacked, but maybe just give him a Melatonin Gummy to help him along?

Oh I remember this it was hell. 2 hours every single night for almost 3 years. That was after a day of crying that was anything from 3-7 hours or 12 hours solid when teething. One day at a time, be firm and consistent and it will get easier. Best of luck x

My 2.5 year old is a dreadful sleeper. If he won't go to sleep at the same time as his sibling, I let him hang out with me while I do a bit of tidying from the day / give him a book while I shower etc. I just let him potter about until the time he would naturally fall asleep anyway, so he gets no exciting attention to deliberately remain awake for but also fewer stressful battles for me.

I don't know if that is a possibility for you? It's no evening or down time, but better that than battle hours of screaming and refusal to fall asleep later anyway. I know it is very hard, I am in it too, but it won't last forever x