To want to kill myself over bedtime

Agree the nap is too long. I'd reduce right down to 45 min so he's more tired at bedtime.

OP just to add to the confusion... I personally don't think the nap is the problem.
Both mine napped til they were well gone 3. If he's overtired that's not going to help anything

I'm sorry. It's shit. You're right you won't miss it and you are being heard.

Have you got the option of giving him his own room?

Routine is key I think. We always did milk and biscuit watching CBeebies bedtime hour. As soon as it finished it was teeth then upstairs, story and bed. This made sure they weren’t hungry, thirsty or needing a wee as they got into bed. The story helped them with the transition into settling into bed and the fact we did the same thing each night triggered the routine response into making them know it was sleep time. It takes time, patience and consistency but worth the effort in the long term.

Does he go to nursery? If he does make sure you give some positive one to one attention after he gets home in case the unsettled part is about gaining one to one attention.

I think the sleep part of parenting young children is one of the frustrating parts.

I don’t have the answers but I feel for you.
Went through it with my eldest…every night. “I need a wee….i need a drink…my duvet fell off…”
I can’t even remember how I got through it or what solved it, I just remember being at the end of my bloody tether for what seemed like a lifetime (not helped by DH working away so it was my responsibility nearly all week)
I seem to remember using reward charts, and a CD player with story CDs (it was 27 years ago)
Good luck 🤞🏻

I missed the bit about him napping. Yes, OP this is probably a really simple solution. Why are you torturing yourself over it? Cut the nap and he’ll be knackered by bedtime. Then create a solid routine and stick to it religiously. A nap is nothing for you compared with an evening to yourself, you won’t miss it when it’s gone.

No daytime nap.
Gate in doorway
Make sure he has water and comfort (special toy)
Leave him to it, checking regularly

I’m sure it’s this OP.

inhave 3 kids albeit last one is a newborn. My current second child is a toddler and was an amazing sleeper. Until recently and it’s gone to shit and I now remember exactly this happening with first kid. It’s when they are close to dropping nap. The nap means they get a chunk of their sleep in the day and it takes away from night sleep. So they don’t have sleep pressure in the evening.
My 2 year old isn’t falling asleep until 10pm on night she naps. If she has a tiny 20 min car nap in the day and that’s all, then she will go to bed beautifully at 7pm.

Its either. You have to pick your poison, do you want some peace in the day and a shit bedtime or basically no nap but a better bedtime. You can’t have both!!

the good news is for me when they get to 3-4 and the nap is long gone then bedtime has been normal from then on

I fall asleep with him and get me time at 5am, when even DH can’t bother me. Bliss.

It's definitely your nap that is causing this. He isn't tired.

My 2 DDs were like this until they were 4 and 5.
In the end, I told them they were big girls now so they were to go to sleep like big girls.
I got them new night lights, an Alexa for each of their rooms and said they only get to keep them if they stick to the bedtime routine.
It’s a couple of years on and bedtime is a dream!
I get them in their PJs, do teeth and hair, read them a bedtime story and then put a storyteller on their Alexa’s. Which they listen to as they’re falling asleep.
He’s a bit young right now but as he gets older, be really rigid with your bedtime routine and you will get through this

I used role play a bit at that age to target specific things that drove me nuts. So you play house with a toy each and take turns having toys be be mummy and child at bed time. When it's his turn to be mummy your toy gets up and does the behaviours he does and your son as mummy toy has to get them back into bed. One it can help the penny drop what he needs to do at bedtime (ie go there and sleep) and two you can get some insight into what he needs at bedtime to make it go easier for you both.

There a book called "the no cry sleep solution" that has a table at the back that says when toddlers need to nap during the day in order to be less crazy at night. I found it very helpful.

The lullabys on the BT baby monitor are extremely good too. I used to find that if I turned them on, and lay down and went to sleep myself, then DS would follow suit quietly. It's not ideal, but it's how I managed.

We had terrible sleep problems and at the moment we still do. DS is 15 (years old).

I'm in the process of buying an electric bike for myself so I can take him for longer rides to try and tire him out. Not sure if it will work.

Sorry I know it's hard and I don't really know the answer. Good luck there.

As a mum of an almost 5 year old who has NEVER slept 'properly', whilst bedtimes are draining and the constant waking is exhausting, the plus side is I'm too fucking tired once he's asleep to even think of offing myself anymore.
Silver linings and all that.

He needs to be in his own room with a stair gate on the door.

Put him to bed, don't go back in unless he is actually ill.

He's old enough to get it.

He can have a book /teddy in bed with him ( if he has to have the mattress on the floor, so be it. He won't do that forever)

I'm thinking perhaps you gave him bad habits if you used to answer to all the requests ? If so it may take a while of being less compliant for it to sink in.

I think part of the issue is that in modern parenting we're trying so hard to make it perfect - in doing so we can just unwittingly give them a less solid framework of rules than would be ideal. I'm guilty of that myself so no judging.

Not sure how to reset things though, other than being very consistent with the routine. Don't give in to last minute requests and don't give up after a few days, it takes weeks.

Cut this right down. I had to stop napping at 11 months or my mum said I was up all night! My boys had naps until about 2 years old but my daughter stopped at around 18 months.

With you OP.

DS doesn't go to sleep. He passes out.

We did have a really useful call with the sleep helpline earlier in the year, but we are now waiting to get on to a pediatrician for melatonin.

I am with you. You have my sympathy. Bedtime sucks away every last piece of mummy magic patience. 2x boys with SEN aged 11 and 14 years old. It Would have been great if I had If I known that I would still be putting them to bed and , would still be woken in the night - every night. I told myself it would get better and many challenging things have but bedtimes and night wakings on top of everyday demands are insanity inducing. Sleep and time to be alone are so important. Only tips that I have are to burn them out as best you can before bedtime, take any offers for babysitting. Be kind to yourself.

I gave up.

DD has gone to bed at midnight since she was about 2 - she's now 16 years old and still goes to bed then.

She stopped napping at about 6 months and could easily go 36 hours without sleep as a small baby. I was going insane.

We had a rule that after 9pm it was quiet time and no parental involvement was happening - so play with your toys, colouring, books etc. We still did bath, pjs, teeth, story and so on, but instead of sleeping she just did whatever she wanted.

So much less stress. I guess she saw lots of adult TV but has always had a very extensive vocabulary as a result.

(She is ADHD which probably played a part).

We had this then got one of those sky projectors for the ceiling. Omg life changer honestly. It was just instant peace as it would distract DD long enough for her to fall asleep. Can't recommend them highly enough. It ran out of battery, so we didn't use it all that long as by then she was just used to us leaving her and her falling asleep on her own. Hope it gets better for you soon.

It's bloody awful and hats off to you doing it alone.

It dows get easier but you'll be in the trenches for another year or two.

It's hideous but you will get through it. It does get easier and ignore the you will miss this brigade. Or anyone who says if you wear them out/ give them an extra nap/ ignore them/ sleep the night in their cot etc etc. All kids are different and you're doing fine.

Do. Not. Feel
Guilty.

Earplugs are your friend op. You can still hear the screeching but dulling it helps a lot x

Even when it flows well it is so so boring. Each and every night getting dc to wind down, brush their teeth, pj's, choose a story, read the story, answer all the questions, get the water. Even the smoothest flow is just mind numbingly boring. If there is resistance or procrastination, or if you think they are sleeping then they suddenly ask a random question....that is a unique kind of irritation, I want to explode. Just so many many nights of it, over and over. I had to work so hard for it to flow smoothly, and yet still, I find it so deeply unpleasant.

I have found my people. I thought we were the only ones. I could have written this post, 7 year old here too.

His 4 year old sister at least used to fall asleep in mere seconds which was a salvation but in the last week it has changed, she keeps crying, whinging, asking that we lay with her too. It winds the 7 year old up even more who takes even longer to nod off.

Coupled with light evenings and hot weather it's been hell. My evening doesn't start til about 10pm and then I still have to make dinner. 10pm!

I. JUST. WANT. TO. SCREAM.

I would recommend the Lucy Wolf Sleep solutions book. Did it with both children age 5 and 1. I would highly recommend. It's for up to age 6. No controlled crying it's stay and support.

They both have story and cuddles, lights out and white noise and self settle for sleep. If one of them is ill this my go out the window but 95% of the time they fall asleep independently.

They do wake in the night and need things sometimes (more the baby) but once they have what they wanted - dummy, wee, Calpol etc they go back to sleep in their own bed x