To be fuming OH didn't change baby's nappy ONCE while I was out??

The saddest thing about this whole episode is his attitude when his failing has been discovered. And that really speaks to character. One might excuse a plea of Oh I'm so sorry, the poor baby, I didn't realise but he hasn't got the grace to do that. Doesn't even show any compassion towards his child.

instead

OH acted like I was overreacting and said “it’s just one nappy.”

When shown the harm he's done all he can say is it looks "a bit sore" and then without any further discussion or any attempt at apology gets changed and goes out.

That's so sad.. And at the same time, you mentioned the poor baby's cheeks being bright red and must have been crying quite hard..... He KNOWS THIS. HE IGNORED HIM... and his attitude is that the whole thing is no big deal.

He's probably thinking ... the baby is fine. We were in the same room but he doesn't realise the gutting thing is that you now can't trust him to look after the baby properly and all the implications of that... He probably can't even comprehend that. But as a pp said your 9 month old is starting to get into the active exploring toddler stage soon and that's when you have to watch them like a hawk. There is so much mischief and harm they can get into in seconds.

My DM, for one example, kept leaving boiling hot tea balanced on chair arms at toddler height whilst talking and looking in the other direction, even after I stopped him in the nick of time from putting his entire hand into really hot mug of tea and spilling it all over himself. Or not holding onto him properly in the front garden or street. I just couldn't rely on her keeping him safe, unless I was there supervising both of them.

So I understand your worry.

Please tell your mum (or another family member?), after you have visited the GP. I would want to know and help, if I was her, rather than suffer in silence, despite what she might have said previously.

OP has explained it’s her boyfriend’s dad’s house which they rent. She will have to go back to her mums.

Sorry but your husband seems to have dumped your kid alone for a while whilst he did something else. Judging by what you saw, your child was unattended for a long period - poo doesn’t instantly irritate the skin

what was he doing while neglecting the baby ?
lazy sod

Pure laziness and neglectful. Do you feel like you parent your dh? As it sounds like you are doing it all. If he is struggling with lack of confidence that’s one thing but you left his lunch and he gave him crisps?! So your baby was hungry and unclean hence the crying. Baby’s cry for a reason has he not worked this one out? Just read your comments about uni. I would let this situation settle and decide what you need to do. Even waiting another year and ds will be a toddler. Also a single mum at uni. My life is easier without the dad who I was also doing everything for. Maybe your dp just is immature not that that makes it ok. It sounds like you are doing a fab job op.

Yes, you take him to the GP tomorrow and explain exactly how this came to be. As you say, you get this on record.

I hope (in the nicest way possible) that you don’t lose this anger and upset. You’ll need it to steer you through this.

Your OH is not taking you seriously. He wants you to STFU and leave him alone. He probably knows he is in the wrong but he ran off out to avoid accountability.
You need to give him a shock. Tell him (again) how upset you are and that you cannot be around him for now so are going to your mum's in order to think about how to move forward.
Ultimately, he either proves to you that he is sorry and is willing to learn how to parent properly or you will need to split up.

I have to keep saying it: he simply doesn’t care.

Nothing you do or say will make him care - about you, and about your baby.

Have you signed a lease with his dad?

Wow. This is horrendous. Does he never ever actually look after his own son? We have always been a team so knew as much as each other in terms of routines, care etc. I certainly never had to leave instructions or anything like that as if he was a babysitter!

Your posts are so upsetting to read, what he has done is absolutely despicable.
I really came on to say please do not ever leave him to microwave food for your son,
if he can’t check a nappy he’s sure not going to check how hot the food is

Indeed, I'd have wanted to suffocate him with the overly soiled nappy.

I would be fuming. Does he not care about his child? He needs to understand how serious he is. To be fair my DH can be pretty lazy with domestic stuff but he was an outstanding SAHD for our daughter and even more zealous than me with immediate nappy changes and stuff. You need to come down hard on this.

So this is the first time you've gone out in 9 months. Your DP is controlling, he's telling you you can't go out without your DS for the next 10 years. Is it Your house so you can kick him out.

It's a little boy which is bad enough , but imagine if it was a little girl , she'd have the mother of all UTIs , probably dehydrated and pooh in a nappy would get everywhere in her urethra .

My grand father was an utter b* to my dad but even back in the 1940s he'd not leave a baby with a dirty nappy .
Your OH is a total arse .

Im so angry reading that. Get your child away from this monster.

Go to your mum's OP. And start a new life without this bastard fucker.

If a nursery did what he did they'd be reported and would end up in the Daily Mail.

Get yourself and your baby away from this man and start over.

When my son was only 10 weeks old I left him with my 17 year old and 15 year old brothers in law so MIL and I could go and buy me a present ( I love my MIL). All I said was "don't have any hot drinks around him". My teenage bils wouldn't have treated a baby like the father of yours did.

Get out.

what a stupid dikhead respnse! So helpful!

Sorry hate people like that! Anyway..
He won’t change, I had one of these, if I said anything, I get told all I do is moan and in a mood. It will get worse please try and leave! It’s so hard but it’ll get worse.
He is trying to be useless so you don’t go out because you can’t trust him to do one simple thing.
I may be projecting but this is how it starts

Some gamers get way too invested in their games that they ignore everything around them and in that moment the game is more important. Especially live games they can’t pause. They can ignore their own needs. Christ, you can even buy adult nappies specifically for gaming all night!

I’ve experienced this OP, and it doesn’t improve. It has honestly scarred me, the fact that he would ignore the needs of the crying baby beside him because fighting some goblins was far too important for him to ignore. I would move out with your precious baby, stay at your mums and crack on being a super mum role model to your child by smashing it at uni to create a better life for you both.
Wishing you all the best.

If you can’t even have a conversation with this man, that is not a partner. He is neglecting your child that he clearly isn’t even interested in, let alone has any regard or care for.

Leave and go back to your mums. Anything is better than this. Your DS deserves better and so do you.

The frightening thing for me is if anything were to happen to you this man would be raising your baby.

I think after today he needs to be doing more - much more. Start when you are in telling him/showing him how to change/feed even play with his child - then have him doing it when you are in. Build up to the odd hour alone - like you going out while he does lunch.

Build up to leaving them for longer again when he earns back your trust.

I know as a mum it is really devastating when you have diligently changed your child and kept their skin healthy and someone leaves them to get sore but it’s usually in a busy nursery or something rather than dad.

Your husband should be sorry for his poor efforts and willing to make it up to you both. If he doesn’t care, isn’t willing to do better then what is the point of him as a dad and partner? I hope he does care.

I’m a teacher in a special school, our students in pads (nappies) are changed at least twice during their six hour school day. If they have done a poo they are changed immediately in addition to the two scheduled changes. It’s basic care.

In my experience people do change when they have kids, but they get worse, not better because they are so fucking knackered 😂

He's happy to hurt your baby to punish you for going out. I'm so sorry. You and your son deserve so much better.