To be fuming OH didn't change baby's nappy ONCE while I was out??

What is this instant batting some blame to op? Who cares if its the 1st or 50th time? Has nothing to do with her post.

Also, he's a lazy twat.

@Grantoffs Please read the post from @EnidSpyton it's has lots of good advice

Good luck

So he basically neglected your baby? Left him in a dirty nappy and didn’t feed him more than a banana and crisps!!!
that would be a hard stop for me. I’d leave him

RTFT

Gaming

Seriously OP, I don’t have children but I am livid on your behalf! Your poor baby!
Even I know that you change a nappy straight away and ensure that the little one has proper food.

Your OH is an idiot! He basically neglected his own child.

@Grantoffs I know this is bad, BUT, he hasn’t had a good example growing up. If you stop him doing anything, he won’t learn. But, you could, gradually between now and Sept, teach him. Ok, you left stuff in the fridge. But, next time, leave an itemised list 1pm take pasta in fridge out and microwave for X minutes. Check temp
with food thermometer. Feed DS. 1.30pm check nappy and change 2pm check and change if he didn’t poo last time etc

The alternative - unacceptable in my book - is to jist do it yourself, in which case you may as well be on your own with DS.

and if need be - start by going out for an hour or two

if he won’t engage or genuinely thinks this is your job then of course there is an entirely different conversation to be had …

I am not excusing any of this - it’s not OK.

Great, helpful post EnidSpyton ❤️

This ….
what a knob

He’s a selfish dick, I’d kick him out for this. If your baby was at nursery and this kept happening, you’d both be referred to social services as this is a huge sign of neglect. I’d be having a serious conversation about where this relationship is going if he’s so untrustworthy and useless.

This is so sad to read, OP.

Please do not feel guilty for going out and assuming your OH would look after his child. It is not your fault that he was neglectful in the extreme. (I’ve been on MN decades under various names and this is one of the very few threads that has actually made me have a little cry)

Now you know you can’t trust him to meet your baby’s basic needs, you are at a crossroads: does he have the potential, with a massive bollocking, parent classes, intervention from his DF & SM or HV to feel remorse and become a decent parent, or do you need help and support to get away from him and set up by yourself?

sending un-Mumsnetty hugs to you and your baby.

OP would be there but HE would be the one doing childcare for once.

This made me so sad to read. What a mess. That level of neglect reflects a complete lack of care for one’s own child. A sort of brokenness that is incomprehensible to the likes of most people. I hope he changes for your sake and your son’s, that would of course be the best outcome. But it may not be the most likely one unfortunately. I hope everything works out for you. I had my son at 19, became a single mum shortly afree and also went to uni. I’ve just graduated. Got my dream job. It’s been amazing, hard at times but so worth it.

Sounds like he's not at all interested

OP, don't let this useless man hold you back.

You can't build a life with someone who is still a child.

He's 22; men at that age are still children. His major relationship in life is with his games console. He can't be trusted to be a father and he probably doesn't want to be one. What 22 year old does?

Get out now and focus on you and your child. Your life will genuinely be easier as a single parent.

Contact the university, tell them your circumstances, and they will help you. There is a lot of support for single parents at university and often funding you can access. Contact the welfare department and they will be able to signpost you. Many universities have specific accommodation for students with families that will be cheaper than renting privately and they will have nursery provision that will work around your lectures. At the same time, contact the council and get yourself on the social housing list. When you go to the GP, tell them you are concerned about your son's safety due to his father's inability to care for him and you feel you need to leave because of it so that you have a record on file of what's happening to support any housing or benefit applications. Don't give up on your dream and your opportunity to create a better future for you and your son. You can leave, you will be able to get support, and you will be absolutely fine. You sound like a wonderful mother and a fantastic woman with a huge amount of strength and determination. You are doing the right thing by prioritising your child and you won't regret leaving for a second.

Fine if he didn't know what to give him - and the fine is barely there - but why didn't he ring and ask you want to feed him then? Dickhead. Just leave. He'll never bother with you or the baby again.

He sounds like he doesn’t care about his son at all. He didn’t even show any guilt or upset when you pointed out your poor little boy’s sore bum. That’s despicable! Hateful and cruel man!

I wouldn’t stay with him but you need to make a plan. Look into what benefits you’ll get, look into uni as a single parent, put yourself on the council housing list. Perhaps you could stay with your mum shortterm?

Your son and you deserve a lot better than being with that waste of space!

Mission accomplished. You won't leave him with the bairn for that long again because you can't trust him.

Don't accept it or let him off the hook. He now does every nappy and mealtime with supervision until he gets it fucking right. Yes its shit that he needs to be trained but this is a little human who depends on his caregivers.

Tomorrow he gets full care and he will learn. If he refuses then you know the score and he can fuck off

I’ve read your update and want to advise you to ring your baby’s health visitor tomorrow to ask for some support to move. Explain what has happened and that you feel stuck due to living situation.

Please don’t feel guilty. This was not your fault x

He probably won't even care when you leave with baby, actually.

Some gamers are emotionally numb.

This is horrible to read, sorry you are in this situation.
Don’t feel guilty that you went out- you wouldn’t have known that he would let this happen. Even most useless fathers would have known to change a nappy when it’s soiled and fed the baby food that you prepared!! There is no excuse for this.
Get it on record when you take baby to the GP what happened.

I think we can safely say that OPs little baby, was ignored and neglected by his lazy, gaming addict father! Would you like to be sat in poo for 6 hours??

Good call on going to your GP. Don't let him neglect your child, or get away with 50/50 if he's not willing to change a fucking nappy. I really hope you can start your uni course.

I don't know your relationship with your mum, but if she does say 'i told you so', is that unendurable? Embarrassing, annoying, sure, but (bearing in mind I don't know your mum, if so ignore this) would she leave your baby in a shitty nappy for hours?

If you can't stay with your parents or have anywhere else to go, you should get on the social housing register ASAP. You will be fairly high up the priority list. And yes definitely take photo evidence and go to GP tomorrow and be honest with them about what he did to your DS. Don't be pressured into playing it down.

@Grantoffs "I don’t even know how to talk to him about it. He just blanks or deflects or acts like I’m being dramatic. " Show him this thread OP - let him read the opinions of all us MNetters who think his neglect of his own baby is utterly vile. And then tell him to GROW THE FUCK UP - he's a father now!

You need to sit him down. Tell him it was absolutely unacceptable that his child was not changed or properly fed on his watch. He obviously needs more practise at being hands on, so now everything baby is on him. All changes, all feeds, all baths, all bed times. You will be there if he has a question, but to put it frankly, it's an absolute embarrassment that a grown man was incapable of looking after his child for a few hours. Looking after a child means they are properly fed, changed and engaged with. He'll be on baby tasks until he is changing, feeding, bathing etc without you prompting. If he wants to remain married there is no other option.