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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over familiar shop assistant

393 replies

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

OP posts:
katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:55

*PreciousMomentsHun *
Oh no, thank god!
I did have one man wink at me and say "Next time l'm in, put your number on my receipt!"
I'm in my sixties and l wear a wedding ring! I used to dread him coming to my till after that.

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:55

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:51

No, the technique is just to chat back in the same way, a 2 minute pleasant exchange,. eg "Morning Janice, I'm going to be honest with you, I've been trying to earn a few extra quid by making crystal meth, but it's really not taken off at the moment, so I'm just off to the local secondary school to tout for customers. Cheers"

Taking notes.😁

"Yes, it IS lovely weather for it... if by "it" you mean sewing English Civil War costumes for my large collection of hamsters."

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:54

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:42

I had a man at my till one day and as l was scanning his shopping, he picked up a pack of fillet steaks and said "Have you had these? They're lovely!"
I replied honestly (and perfectly pleasantly) that no, l hadn't, that l'm vegetarian.
"Oh.... You're making me feel bad now....."
His choice to eat them, mine not to eat them.
I wasn't rude, he asked me a question and l answered.
But l 'made him feel bad.'

You could get a stamp made with "Meat is Murder" on it, and stamp customers' hands when they buy meat. That should get the conversation going.
.

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:52

selkieselkie · 05/07/2025 21:49

Pretty sure Sharon doesn't want to know either. Especially as she only asked about your lunch.

😂😂😂

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:51

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:47

I know this is a joke post, but as a foreigner living here, I often feel nonplussed by the inanity of the chit-chat. Give me surly Slavic ladies or even the ultra fake American shop assistants over, "Ooh, let me make the same inane remark I just said to 25 other customers- the triter the better!"

No, the technique is just to chat back in the same way, a 2 minute pleasant exchange,. eg "Morning Janice, I'm going to be honest with you, I've been trying to earn a few extra quid by making crystal meth, but it's really not taken off at the moment, so I'm just off to the local secondary school to tout for customers. Cheers"

selkieselkie · 05/07/2025 21:49

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 21:44

I tell my GP I’ve got a dry, itchy vagina, I don’t necessarily want Sharon in Tesco to know 😂

Pretty sure Sharon doesn't want to know either. Especially as she only asked about your lunch.

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:49

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:42

I had a man at my till one day and as l was scanning his shopping, he picked up a pack of fillet steaks and said "Have you had these? They're lovely!"
I replied honestly (and perfectly pleasantly) that no, l hadn't, that l'm vegetarian.
"Oh.... You're making me feel bad now....."
His choice to eat them, mine not to eat them.
I wasn't rude, he asked me a question and l answered.
But l 'made him feel bad.'

At least he didn't say "I have a different kind of meat you will just love though" and tip you the wink.

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:47

I know this is a joke post, but as a foreigner living here, I often feel nonplussed by the inanity of the chit-chat. Give me surly Slavic ladies or even the ultra fake American shop assistants over, "Ooh, let me make the same inane remark I just said to 25 other customers- the triter the better!"

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:46

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 21:44

I tell my GP I’ve got a dry, itchy vagina, I don’t necessarily want Sharon in Tesco to know 😂

Why not? By the time you get a GP appointment it'll be 10 x worse, and Sharon may know of a home cure.

Booklover2021 · 05/07/2025 21:44

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 19:58

You sound extremely southern. (Apologies to the friendly southerners!)

Hahahah I'm a southerner and I have inadvertently made friends with my local shop owners through these kinds of interactions the OP hates!

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:44

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 21:43

I blame the government 🤣

I blame people who eat flakes and read the Sun every lunchtime.

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 21:44

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 05/07/2025 21:36

Must make ordering food hard

I tell my GP I’ve got a dry, itchy vagina, I don’t necessarily want Sharon in Tesco to know 😂

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:44

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 05/07/2025 20:13

It’s ok OP - I get it sometimes at the end of day and I call by Asda for panic food buying I’m ready to explode if they asks me if I have had a nice day - it’s raining I might pee myself and I’m bloody knackered-

Read the room

I reserve the right to be and own my grumpy cowness

This is at lunchtime and it's a ritual purchase, not a panic buy.

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 21:43

Utterlyconfusednow · 05/07/2025 20:52

Everything’s gone to shit. I blame the drought.

I blame the government 🤣

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:42

I had a man at my till one day and as l was scanning his shopping, he picked up a pack of fillet steaks and said "Have you had these? They're lovely!"
I replied honestly (and perfectly pleasantly) that no, l hadn't, that l'm vegetarian.
"Oh.... You're making me feel bad now....."
His choice to eat them, mine not to eat them.
I wasn't rude, he asked me a question and l answered.
But l 'made him feel bad.'

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:40

Cathmawr · 05/07/2025 21:36

This is funny. Don't move up North. I think you should stick to self service checkouts and let's hope the 'thankyou' message on the screen at the end isn't too intrusively cheery

She'd probably punch the screen.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 05/07/2025 21:40

I'm a spectacular introvert. I absolutely loathe having a conversation with people I don't know. And @StinkyCheeseMoose , even I think you're being a bit ridiculous here.

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:39

ConnieHeart · 05/07/2025 21:38

I do know what you mean OP. If a sales person rings up and says "good morning Connie, how are you today?" I just want them to get to the point so I just give a quick "ok". I don't really want to partake in mindless chit chat

😂😂😂😂

Coconutter24 · 05/07/2025 21:39

Just waiting for another post to appear:

AIBU to stop making friendly chit chat with rude customers

Honestly Op you sound awfully rude, someone is making friendly chat with you and you just ignore them

BallerinaRadio · 05/07/2025 21:39

CallMeBettyBoop · 05/07/2025 21:32

Are you practising your creative writing, OP?

Seems a lot are at the minute, it's become a creative writing forum on here recently

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:38

*tempacct *
Medical appointments must be fun....

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:38

wizzywig · 05/07/2025 21:37

Just buy a multipack of flakes and the newspaper app. Sorted

Stop trying to take her misery away with all your logic and sensible suggestions!

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 05/07/2025 21:38

Shopkeeper should start having the Flake and paper (I'm going with The Sun 😉 ) waiting so when OP walks in she can be like
"Oo don't worry, I've got them here waiting. I know what you like."

Endofyear · 05/07/2025 21:38

Blimey, you sound a delight OP! Poor woman is only making chit chat with customers - much nicer than the shop assistants who barely look at you while serving you! If you find it so offensive, why not shop elsewhere?

Vallmo47 · 05/07/2025 21:38

Mmm I think you are both being unreasonable to be honest, OP. Clearly the staff member isn’t very good at reading the room but it is so rude to ignore someone as well. I don’t mind saying a few words here and there (I work in customer service and obviously am a customer in places as well), but there’s a limit. One time an ASDA employer completely stopped scanning my groceries to see whether the item was suitable for her high cholesterol. She then commented that I shouldn’t buy the smaller pint of milk because it’s cheaper with the larger one. I explained we don’t use a lot in our household and she then went onto to ask why not. When she then started suggesting how important dairy is in both children and adults I said “Look, I get it. I’m unhealthy. But I just want to pay for my groceries and go home if that’s okay by you”.
She then didn’t speak another word to me.

There’s a limit and it’s not okay to cross it.

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