Friend being unkind about my daughter

That's a huge, non-sequential, leap between uttering the word fu** and actual violence considering there is zero supporting circumstances for violence in the story itself and the f-word entered common usage long ago whether we like it or not.

More significantly, no one, especially me, is expounding anyone to support 1) violent behavior or 2) use the f-word, but pearl clutching and fainting are also not supported. Your response begs the question, wtf? (Joke intended, attempt at levity.) But there are thoughts which you have not articulated to explain why you think the use of the f-word by her daughter would lead to violence.

Did you know that young adults in their 20s have begun using the f-word to mean pleasant, non-sexual, social discourse between two parties who fancy each other and it has reached global television? Love Island. I think it is replacing "like." And I am definitely unsure about my comprehension of what meaning they are actually conveying to each other when they say it because it does not come across as sexual at all.

Write out the scenario, then we'll see.

@joliefolle can you explain how it's different?

"If it was a daughter telling her mother to fuck off some of these responses would be SO different".

Well the scenario would be SO different. Whether it were a DD or a DS. Maybe rewrite the scenario you are imagining and find out whether your comment holds any water.

If it was a daughter telling her mother to fuck off some of these responses would be SO different. And if it was a man? He'd probably be labelled abusive.

Friend sounds really immature and possessive though.

At best your friend sounds emotionally immature and at worst she is deliberately causing a rift between you. Get rid the friend.

Oh good grief, she’s just saying who she agrees with - there isn’t real teams, chill out

The OP said that she and others at the bbq received the joke as it was intended thought nothing more of it. That was the social context.

DD and her friends would talk like that to each other, but she has the social awareness to realise that she doesn't use that kind of language with my friends. We aren't a sweary lot with each other.

As I said in my earlier post the "friend" was rude as well, but two wrongs don't make a right.

I don't necessarily see a problem with the 'fuck off' thing - some people just talk like that, and it depends a lot on context and the social group - but this woman sounds like she thinks she's much more of a friend than she really is. She sounds flakey and demanding; perhaps that's why her wedding receiption was a bit sparse. I always find people bragging like "I'm so crazy" (no, you are the dullest person in the world) or "we're such besties" (er, no) a bit too needy, so if it were me, I'd quietly let her go.

Along lines of - Apologize DD to my creepy friend who tried to get me to kick you out for a throw away remark two years ago as she won't shut up about it - even though at time I thought it was funny as did everyone else there and thought friend was being OTT about her subsequent reaction?

Frankly I think that would cause issues between OP and her DD which I think the friend wants.

I get impression that OP doesn't consider this friend a bestie or a particularly good friend from what's she written about her - so confused about why there is any loyalty conflict at all.

I'd probably have smoothed things over years ago or if not possible made it clear to stop bringing it up along lines you don't have to like my child but you will be polite in my presence or it's none of your bussiness who lives with me.

TBH though I'd have probably have dealt with the friends inital rude comments at BBQ before another family member felt need to step in - as she was my friend so mine to politely reprimand - so suspect OP may really struggle with boundaries and be a bit of a people pleaser.

@CatHairEveryWhereNow

Maybe Op needs to get her daughter to apologise to her friend as it sounds like that didn’t happen at the time

Then Op should have made that clear 2 years ago when it happened.

(TBH I don't entirely disagree but OP seems to have not been upset by DD reponse but annoyed by her friends reaction to it).

The friend bringing it up two years later and trying to get OP to kick her DD out of her house to suit the friend - is just weird as fuck TBH - and I frankly I wouldn't be torn between them but tell friend it's none of her bussiness.

its not OP’s daughters place to be intervening in her mothers friendships. She needs to know her place.

You don't like her. You are not her friend either I would end it

Sorry but what your daughter said was really rude... I don't know anyone who wouldn't take offence to it and I'm around people who love 'banter'.

You/your daughter need to apologise for upsetting her but then I'd probably draw a line under this friendship. You don't sound very compatible.

Im thinking that the daughter is fed up of this erratic, needy 'bestie' in her mums life and the comment just slipped out - probably after years of frustration at this awful person in her mums life, and by extension in hers

I’m probably going against the grain here, but I think your daughter did you a favour by telling her to fuck off. Your friend sounds obnoxious and all her comments about your daughter after the incident only highlight her obnoxious side. Your friend was rude to complain about the meat and she is totally out of line to say “what is she doing here?”. I would have told her to fuck off and get a reality check when she asked what your daughter was doing living with you. She’s your daughter ffs! You will always look after your children! I would also a d told her to stop the besties crap when she started saying that. Op she’s just using you

People seem to be missing that the friend was extremely rude to moan about the quality of meat at a barbecue. Sounds like a light-hearted rebuke (at the very least) was fully deserved, if not being told to stop whinging and properly fuck off.

lol.

When you see someone being constantly put down by a very entitled lady who pretends that
she’s a friend of her mothers but she knows that she’s not, then she has every right to stick up for her mother. The daughter
s 23, she’s not a baby. The friend was rude and needed a kick in the ass. If she never goes to their house again they won’t be missing anything. The lady was not a nice person. Goodbye biatch

Frankly, it sounds as if your friend should be told to fuck off frequently. Daily, even.

"Background is that this friend has not been a reliable friend and missed out on a critical 10 years of my life (birth of kids, my wedding, my fathers death) she sees me as her “bestie” and makes it known she knows me more than anyone and has known me longer than anyone. She can go weeks without being in touch and would drop me if she met a new man."

"Makes it known"? Sounds as if she's staking a claim of ownership on you rather than a claim to friendship. @Nessa1777, she's an old friend. That doesn't make her a best friend, or even a current friend. She doesn't sound to me like any type of friend at all. She's just someone from your past, hanging around your neck because she has no friends - friends "appear to have come and gone in her life" and not stuck around. Probably for good reason.

I'd be telling her the next time she disparages my daughter, she'll be shown the door and not welcome back. Something you should have done about two years ago, instead of allowing her to continually whine at you.

I would be extremely annoyed if my dd spoke to any of my friends like that.
But if my friend was still bringing it up two years later and questioned why my dd lives with us I would probably tell her to wind her neck in.

I think your daughter has seen enough of your friend taking advantage of you. She couldn’t help but say something. Why was the lady complaining about your food. I suspect your daughter has seen enough of her selfish thoughtless behavior and just let it be known. I had a friend like this, constantly saying that I’m her bes t friend to any and every one and she wasn’t. She was just getting more from me than she gave. So I gave her up. I’m much happier now. I’d thank my daughter, everyone I know said my supposed best friend was just a mooch.

You would not have cried all weekend.