To go back to work full time even though there’s no financial need

Don’t do it.

You will merely create a tax liability for yourself in order to pay for a lot of undeserving welfare claimants.

What type of job do you have? Do you have the option of hybrid office days, and core hours?

I went back full time after both (they’re one and three) but used all the accrued annual leave to have a day or two off a week for months, as a trial really. My job doesn’t really allow part time, but I do now have one afternoon off a week. It works for us currently because we’ve found full time allows us more flexibility and grace. Hybrid is a real help, and on those working from home days we get lots of time with the children as no commute. Core hours help a lot too, as we can both leave early if no meetings as long as we catch up on work after the kids are in bed.

I’d probably have a look at what flexibility your company offers. Because yes nearly half of marriages break down, but also redundancy and death. Being able to care for your children financially is great. And also to have savings to be able to give them all of the opportunities and experiences as they’re growing up. I love what a PP said about being able to buy her husband out of the house when they divorced, and what another said about retiring early when the kids are a bit older and still need you.

I had a stressful job before kids and was working at senior management level. I stepped down in my role as well as going PT. That was 12 years ago and I’ve never regretted it. Can’t imagine going back FT now, though I’ve moved up from 2 days a week to 3.5.

I’ve loved the time I’ve been able to spend at home with my kids - going to baby groups, friends houses for coffee, days out with my parents etc. It’s also meant I can keep on top of the house stuff and life admin, do a decent amount of school drop offs etc.

I think whether it’s right for you depends on a number of things, such as- are you married? (if not you’re probably more vulnerable), how much support you have around you from extended family for childcare if you work FT, the relationship you have with your partner (mine worked away a fair amount), access to joint finances, also how you feel about progressing in your career later on as it can set you back.

its quite an individual decision but its definitely worked well for our family.

I went back part time .we could just about afford it but it wasn't choice (DC has severe disabilities and FT was just not an option). PT stalls your career, you miss our on opportunities, there is the knock on effect on pension etc. My marriage is in tatters (largely due to the stress of having 2 children with complex needs). I have set myself up for a live of mystery by going part time (even though I had no.cboice). If you can go back full time, it's a no brainer.

I went back full time. I was the higher earner, but husband's salary would have been enough for me to be part time. It is never as straightforward as money though. My profession is part of who I am, it is how I move through the world. Being a mother is very much a sub-set of that. I have never missed sports days, plays, whatever. But I did it for my kids, not me.

There is no right or wrong answer, do what works for you.

People often say 'you won't get those baby years back', but personally, it was the teen years that really counted

I’ve heard this said a lot. Including my friends of mine whose Mum’s worked long hours all through their teenage years.

Current financial planning has me retiring when DC2 goes to secondary school and just as DC1 starts the exam years. That wouldn't be a possibility had I gone PT. In reality I’ll probably leave my current job and get a portfolio career or just do something for fun.

Not really. Because I stuck at my job I’m now in a very senior role. It can be stressful and long hours at times but the massive upside is it allows me a degree of flexibility a lot of the time.

Once they’re at school you realise very quickly what you should be at and what you can bin off. We also take the view that as long as one of us can be there it’s ok.

I went back to work when my daughter was a year old. It was better for us both that I wasn’t at home with her all day. I reduced my hours when she was 8, then after Covid work flexibly and WFH so I’ve been here for her when she gets home from school. She needed me far more at that point than she did at nursery.

I returned to work part time, but a year later moved to a dream job that I could only do full time. The good thing about the move to full time was that dh had to step up fully and be an integral part of every bit of our domestic and family life.

When I went full time we had a nanny, and she stayed throughout my 2nd maternity leave (although financially I had to go back a bit early) which gave dc1 stability, and gave me such a lot of lovely time with dc2.

All of this became more important when dc were teenage and going through some very, very rough patches.

Because I'd worked and earned and progressed I had much more flexibility to be there when they needed me (and there are no real safe alternatives for troubled teens). Then I wsa able to become self employed, which gave me even more flexibility.

People often say 'you won't get those baby years back', but personally, it was the teen years that really counted.

If you decided to go PT, were you the lower wage earner and what is / was your job?

Putting children first doesn’t equate to working Part time .
Possible to both work FT and raise a happy attached family

I went back full time. It was Definately worth it because when my youngest was 6 I split with my husband. Having a strong career meant I was able to make that decision and didn’t have to stay together because of financial worries. I was also able to buy him out the house to minimise disruption for my children.

We both work 5 in 4, we could live on DHs salary and me part time or just my salary, but we both have vocational careers we are passionate about. DS is 6 and I've been promoted twice in that time. My career challenges me intellectually in a way parenting doesn't, it's very high stakes/high pressure and difficult emotionally and psychologically but I trained and worked hard to get here and I wasn't willing to give that up. Consolidated hours means we only have 3 days a week we need after school club or activities, we are financially comfortable and can afford things like multiple holidays a year, to save for us and for DS and to not panic when something goes wrong in the house or if one of us was to lose our jobs. That makes life an awful lot less stressful.

Don't forget OP (sorry to be the voice of doom as I often am on these threads!) that 42% of marriages end in divorce. And if you fall in that camp you are much better off working and continuing to pay into a pension.

3 days is a good work/life balance while your kids are young. Also bear in mind that some part time workers are expected to magically complete a similar amount of work in less time - look out for this!!

Good luck with your decision. 🙂

Both work FT to maintain career and progression
I went back FT after 6mth. Babies in nursery FT - wanted that chose it.
Never had any mum guilt or misgivings

So dads don’t put their children first?

mums get applause for going PT, dads don’t?

no one ever seems to consider that maybe dad would like to have the best of both worlds, spend these precious years with their kids etc.

then we wonder why mums end up landed with the kids and dads aren’t that involved on divorce.

Daughter is nearly 6, went back 24 hours which in my job is 2 days (covering a 24/7 service) and when she was 4 I increased to 30 hours which is 3 days one week and 2 days the next.
It means I get either 4 or 5 days off and flexibility for school. They get 13 weeks holiday (I can work a weekend and be off the full week so no need for childcare etc).

Working full time/5 days per week I would miss out on so much and rely on other people to care for our child.

My husband does flexi working and works full time hours over 4 days and has flexible start and finishing times. Even before Covid he worked from home some days.

You do what’s right for your family. For us 2 parents working 9-5 or around those hours wouldn’t work and I feel we would hardly see our daughter.

I made the decision to work part time at the cost of my career and I don't regret it. I had my children relatively young, and they are growing up so fast. There's plenty of time for me to get back on the career ladder later.

At the moment I'm enjoying doing the school runs, the clubs and all of the other bits because they won't be there for much longer.

Yes we would be better off, but that time with my kids is more important to me.

I've worked part time and its taken its toll on my mental health in the past few years. If you have a very straight forward job you can clock off for and not think about it until the next shift, and one child, its probably a great move.

But if you have more than one child, this can go on for more than a decade, and with a more demanding job, you just end up working into the night, surviving on no sleep, and being everywhere for everyone.

I've put myself last this last 12 years because I thought I was giving each child the best start and I pictured by now i'd be ready to work full time and prioritise myself. But now my eldest needs me again and being able to work flexibly has helped get her into the right school for her, help her navigate friendship drama's, transition to secondary, and I can be there working from home when she gets in from school and needs to offload about her day etc.

So I understand the part time when young advice, but i'm not so sure anymore whether it was the right thing.

Worth remembering what others have said - sure it seems obvious that your children need you when they are small, but I actually think that was far less difficult to juggle than now when my children are older. My daughter had a difficult time adjusting to high school, there’s always a school fair or ukelele performance or friendship breakdown or taekwando competition or something that requires something complicated or time consuming. The early years were much easier in that way.

I will never be reliant on someone else to pay my bills (if I can avoid it of course) and I would never want to be the default parent for every single thing. I think part time workers have the worst of it all - lots to juggle and always the first person who is responsible for everything at home too. I have a couple friends who don’t work at all which looks fine (for them) and several friends who work full time with fully engaged partners which also looks fine. The in between option looks difficult.

I went back pt, 3 days a week. Perfect while our 2dc were little. They are 11 and 13 now and I look back so fondly on those days. I really enjoy work too and was able to work pt easily. I wouldn’t have wanted to stop working completely as my career is important and it’s hard to get back into - also we needed the money.

so for me I’d only have worked ft if I’d had to. However some of my friends chose to work ft for financial security (not necessity at the time) and are in a good position financially- they are happy with their choice too.

downsides of pt for me was being the default parent and really struggling to get away from that years later - and the hit to my pension. I am still happy with my choice though.

There is no right or wrong - you just choose what works as a family.

I worked full time after dc1, then had dc2 2.5 years later and went back part time after that for a few years, increasing my hours to 90% once they were both at school. I also take about 10 days unpaid leave every year.
Once I was part time I started paying into a private pension to make up the contributions I was missing by being part time.

Finally someone with common sense. And even supporting them through GSCEs, choosing college courses, higher education plans.
Parenting is way more than changing nappies and blowing bubbles and finger painting.

Part time sounds good in your circumstances. I’d feel very out of it with my career if I hadn’t gone back at all, and it is good for me to work at least part time. But with a 5 yr old and 2 yr old now I’m seeing how those early years rush by and am grateful for those week days with my boys. It probably depends on temperament but I think they’d have found a lot of nursery early on a challenge.

I couldn’t have the career I have if I’d been part time. I do treasure time with my dc, but the older I get and the more I see of my friends and their families, the more I see how your teens often need you too, and I’m working hard to earn the flex so we can be good parents if there is something going on with our dc who need it.