To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

I’m an author and the most posted about annoyance in the writing world is that friends and family don’t read people’s books. I always say it’s like them coming to see your job and chances of it being something they’re interested in is tiny but I do get it.

People have their own lives.

I have a friend who plays in an orchestra and regularly invites me to concerts and free events and I have never attended. They are either evenings , when I’m too busy with my children and work, or the weekends that are precious to me because I work full time.

It doesn’t mean I am not proud of her it just means my own life comes first and in all honesty, I have no interest in watching an orchestra it’s not my thing and I would be bored.

I do think people are very time poor now compared to the past, and are tired. I juggle work and children and am constantly exhausted. I don't even have time to do the exercise i want to do for myself, let alone give up an evening to go and watch a friend in something.

Things that have changed:

• transport, tickets and babysitter cost astronomical amounts now
• my mum and dad would have saved time by grabbing a cheap takeaway for a saturday night dinner before/after going to this sort of thing. Its too expensive now
• housing is so expensive that people live further and further from work amd spend ages commuting.
• employers expect ever longer working hours. My dad used to leave his office at 4.30 and could be home by 5pm. My husband is rarely out before 6.30 and isnt home til 7.45 due to commute.

I've been to see friends of friends in an amateur choir a few times - all proceeds to charity - the music is always good and the choir is very professional but OMG those church seats are SO bloody uncomfortable.

But I'd go at least once if you were my friend.

But you are actually interested in performance because you do it yourself. So going to see it would be within the milieu of your interests.

I would rather have teeth pulled. I’d go for a spouse or child because that love, but I wouldn’t for a friend. I’m glad my friends have activities they are passionate about.

I don’t need them to read my articles or buy my products; being my friend is enough. And I don’t need to see their brass band or play or concert either. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about them or that I’m not a good friend.

Unless you are a soloist or the choir is tiny, your friends won’t hear you sing, just see you standing there. If they don’t especially like the music your choir sings theres no real incentive to go. I love singing and choral music but never go to amateur concerts. I’d only go to amateur plays if close family were in them , not friends.

“My DH has no interest in choirs whatsoever, but he comes every time because he knows the effort I put in and wants to support me.”
Yes, it’s the kind of thing you do as a supportive spouse/parent/child. I don’t think it goes beyond that. Friends don’t tend to go and support each others’ amateur hobbies, eg netball matches - that’s something usually only close family bother with.

maybe the book is shit,

You have reminded me of someone I know who (self) published their memories. I bought the book to show support, I even went as far as reading it, but oh how I wish I hadn't. The only reason it made any sense was because I knew the person, knew how they spoke, knew of many of the events they'd written about, and knew that that when they speak their sentences are frequently in the wrong order - it's very easy to make sense of it face to face, but written down it requires a lot of re-reading to understand what's being said.

I was lucky, in that I was interested in the person and therefore interested in reading about them. I am not interested in fiction books of any kind, so while I may buy a work of fiction to support a friend, I would never open it.

I would go to support my friend.

Are there any performances of your choir on YouTube, OP?

If you could send them a link to two or three songs, at least they'd have some idea as to whether they would absolutely love it, have a reasonably enjoyable evening out supporting a friend or simply could not abide it.

Surely a friend would spare you a few minutes to listen to a couple of your songs at their leisure when they have some idle time?

To me it's not about being interested in choirs, it's about being interested in a friend

See i think its enough for friends to chat to you or hear about it, they don't have to buy tickets if its not their sort of thing.

Does the choir struggle for audiences? If so then that is different issue. You cannot rely on friends as an audience for your hobby any more than you can rely on them as customers for your business venture.

Well I wouldn't be able to just move forward. I would be forever living under the cloud of worry that one day you might just say "what did you think"?

I don't understand MN definition of friends. You can't expect them to come to choir concert, it's boring. I've seen it countless of times. Someone published a book. You can't expect friends to read it, maybe they're not readers, maybe the book is shit, maybe this or that. Your bday and they don't come? Oh people have lives you know, it doesn't revolve around you, grow up. You need any sort of help, however minor? Oh no, that's a MASSIVE ask, you can't expect people not related to you (and even related)...

So what tf are such 'friends' for? What's the purpose of them? The 'chats'? About the weather probably. Anything deeper would be 'you can't just trauma dump on people, go to a therapist, you can't expect them to listen to that'. Getting pissed with , probably. The only reason to meet them. On their schedule, of course.

But tbh after yesterday's funeral thread where multiple people said funerals are boring and a young woman can't possibly be expected to go to support her step-family instead of going to sports event and a gig - nothing surprises me anymore.

YANBU OP, of course. Choirs are not my thing that much (although some can be quite good), but I'd definitely come at least once if I'd be your actual friend. I'd also come to your bday, help you move houses if asked, listen to you of you're sad, offer to babysit/petsit occasionally, if needed, read a book if you wrote one. That's what my friends and I do for each other and none of us consider it some MASSIVE favours at all. Because they aren't.

If there was an event on that interested me and my friends choir was performing I might attend and make an effort to watch them. However I wouldn't just attend one of their events it wouldn't interest me. If they were raising money I'd donate but still probably not go watch.
Doesn't make me a bad friend.

Gosh, people on MN really are arsehats.

Yes, it’s very reasonable to expect your friends to take an interest in something important to you, at least once.

I must admit, I’m quite shocked by the number of people on here who find choral music boring. I know the term “choir” covers a wide range of repertoire and competence but to me there’s nothing better than hearing live choral music.

Yes, same here. Each to their own, but it seems to be making preconceived assumptions of competence based purely on the dynamic of the kind of performers, without even asking or finding out what their musical genre is.

To me, it's a bit like saying that you don't like books or food.

Yes, there are some terrible amateur choirs out there - and other bands of various kinds; but very few of the current popular professional performers didn't begin as amateurs at one point.

The Beatles were originally rejected because somebody thought that guitar-based bands overall were a bit rubbish.

Somebody a few years back made a few quid from selling some records they found in a skip - by some completely unknown and therefore presumably rubbish singer called Larry Lurex... who later became reasonably famous as Freddie Mercury.

I take the stance that I absolutely would make the effort (if poss) to see a friend perform. I also perform regularly with a group... some friends have been, some haven't.
I just make sure that I make the effort myself, and it's a question of personal peace of mind in that regard.

sorry if this has been asked before and i missed it but is there a ticket fee??

It's not nice but at least you have a loving and caring husband

I would come, am going to hear a colleague sing next week (he did say he’d love for us to come even just the once, and he was do excited I felt I could not say no 😁, going with a few other colleagues and will have a drink after)

…have you ever told your friends that you would love it if they came? Sort of invite them?

sometimes you have to spell things out

I wouldn’t expect it. If they are good friends in all other respects I’d let this go.

It doesn’t matter if they’d hate it but it does matter they know they’d hate it choose not to go?

Why though?
Good friends won’t expect you to do something you’ll not enjoy.