To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

Have you actually invited them, or suggested particular events you’re doing that they might enjoy? I think you are expecting a lot if you want them to independently choose an event and buy tickets, but if you invited them and made the arrangements they’d probably be happy to be involved occasionally.

I’ve been to a couple of things like this to support friends, but honestly, if it’s not something I’m bothered about doing then I’m not going to go if I know my friend already has her husband and often children going for them. If I’m going to support a friend then it’s because their husband can’t go for some reason or because they don’t have support from a partner.

I would never go and see an amateur choir. They’re always far worse than they think they are and I say that after years of singing in them 🤣 so on that basis YABU and sound a bit precious tbh

I did think YABU but if you say it’s the norm in your friendship group to go and support and you’re the only one that no one has bothered doing that for then maybe I get why you’re upset.

have you actually messaged them and said “choir concert on next Thursday at 7pm would love for everyone to come and watch”

If you've told them you'd like them to come then it's poor of them not to bother but otherwise they might just not think to come if it's not their thing.

I don’t blackmail with guilt (at least, not intentionally!)

my children were quite musical and as a family we had a policy that we always went and supported the person in the concert/performance. So it meant my kids did have parents/grandparents etc in the audience but equally my ExH sang in a very posh choir and my kids and me sat through various requiem masses/opera stuff that wasn’t necessarily to our taste.

now my kids are grown up we don’t do it quite so much but it’s still nice to go and support people. My son is now a professional musician so pretty good to listen to (although he is interested in some quite niche aspects of jazz) and my DD is a reasonable singer.

so I do kind of feel with family this is something we’ve done for a long time.

friends is a bit different - I have a lot of acquaintances through various hobbies (mostly musical in some way admittedly) and it’s quite common at rehearsals for people to say (for example)
hi, I also play in a Mongolism nose flute orchestra and we’ve got a concert on Saturday if anyone wants to come along leaflets are on the table.

but then most of my hobbies are musical - I sing in two choirs, play in a brass band and a recorder group and most people who are involved in music are at least prepared to consider going to concerts,

I’m also going to see a friend in a play in September to maybe I’m the odd one out…

I went to my sisters the once when she invited me we arnt close so I thought it was nice of her she hasn't invited me since I wouldn't dream of just showing up though

Depends on your stage of life. I’m at the small kids/stressful as f*ck stage. I also have a friend who performs in a music group and I’ve never been to see her because I’m juggling so much crap in my life. If I didn’t have kids (or had older kids), I would go in a heartbeat. My reluctance doesn’t mean I don’t like my friend.

Sorry but I think your ideal of what Friendship entails is rather more intense than most.

I have mental image of a mass of people charging around going to this, that, and the other and its quite scary 😂

But this was when you were growing up.

The older we get the more creeps into our lives and takes up our time and energy.

Partners, children, jobs, running a house, caring for elderly parents, our own hobbies and issues.

We all only have so much time and energy and people’s plates are already full enough with their own shit. Having to factor in friends hobbies just isn’t the priority.

I'm musical and play 3 instruments, but am not into choir music at all, especially amateur performances that I'd have to PAY to go and see! Your DH clearly goes out of obligation rather than enjoying it.

I agree with others that your measure of friendship is just different to others. I don't feel any obligation to see Jean doing her hobby, or Bob in a marathon etc!

It wouldn’t occur to me to come and watch you, tbh, not unless you specifically asked. (But then I would come!)

If you had a solo, that might be different — but it just wouldn’t occur to me that coming to watch you singing with a lot of other people singing at the same time would be a supportive thing to do. (That may well make me a rubbish friend, I realise!)

I’d go to — I don’t know, an art exhibition, if I had a friend who had their work on display — but to me that’s different because I could single out their work for attention, if that makes sense.

Your DH sounds lovely!

Sorry OP but choirs are dull unless they’re a professional outfit. Even then…

They’re absolutely everywhere ever since that tv show years ago, they’re all amateur outfits with not very good singers whose voices are smoothed over by being in a group- that was the point of the original show. Add to this that most people don’t give a shit about watching a choir sing… well it’s certainly not for me.

My aunt sings in a choir. There’s bloody millions of them and I just don’t get it. I can’t pick her voice out from the group and the music is bloody boring.

Good on anyone doing what they enjoy but you can’t except people to come and listen. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad friend.

I’m in a choir - I don’t even get my family to come let alone friends (family came once, to a Christmas concert). The performances are great fun as a performer but it’s basically like asking people to come and watch you doing your hobby, unless they are generally interested in the music.

I also sing in a choir. My friends came and saw me once when our choir sang at the Edinburgh Fringe festival but it was part of a fuller day having lunch and going to see some other shows. They wouldn't come just for any of our normal shows. My DM loves to come and see us perform though and DH comes on occasion.

I disagree. That's similar to insisting friends read a book you've written or watch a holiday film you've made. Why should they if they dont want to? My own dearly loved parents used to bore me to tears showing me 100s of holiday photos, telling all the details about what was happening at the time it was taken. I wasn't there, couldn't relate and didn't want more than a quick look to see what the place was like.

wouldn't t go to watch an amateur choir sing normally, why would I do so if a friend was involved (I do have friends who sing in choirs but they don't expect me to come to a show).

Choirs aren’t my thing. I would say something along the lines appreciating what you do for the community, and offer support by way of a donation to the charity you are supporting, or offer to share publicity on social media.

What kind of choir is it? If it's anything to do with religion (churchy vibes), I wouldn't go, but if it was a regular choir singing non-churchy songs, if definitely go to support a close friend.

I’d only come if it was the type of music I liked.

I want to support my friends but I’d rather stick pins in my eyeballs than give up an entire evening to a choir. Can’t think of anything worse.

Do you really want them to be there without being enthusiastically willing?

I would be embarrassed to think someone was watching me out of obligation but didn’t really want to be there.

Have you invited them to a concert?

I would NEVER turn up to a friend’s performance without a specific invite, and would feel a bit awkward if they just rocked up at somewhere I was performing.

Maybe your friends feel like me?