To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

@LaChanteuse In the ideal world of course it would be great if friends came at least once but technically you’re essentially expecting them to come see you do your hobby! I’m sure if the hobby were lion taming or perhaps you were even part of an amateur sports team engaged in competitive play, it sounds more fun to watch so likely at least some may turn up but honestly it wouldn’t even cross my mind to go! I think because it doesn’t really come across immediately as ‘support’ for a friend if that makes sense because what am I supporting lol? You’re an adult whose good at singing and just doing it - how well you perform won’t be reliant on who’s there (unlike young kids who desperately seek out familiar faces in the crowd to give them confidence). Like said if there was any element of competition to give it more of an edge they probably would turn up (since watching a choir unless you have an interest in singing perhaps doesn’t interest many people) but otherwise I wouldn’t really be inclined to go.

That said, maybe if you’re involved in a Christmas choir event, you could formally invite them and have lunch or some such after as I think that might tempt a few out!

I think it’s a weird thing to expect of friends: come and see me singing and hide your boredom through gritted teeth then say what a lovely evening you had and how marvellous it all was.

I don’t see why this should be a requirement of friendship.

No way would I watch someone doing their hobby, nevermind paying to watch it.
It wouldn't occur to me to expect or ask anyone to come and look at me doing a thing I like?

@LaChanteusepeople lead busy lives and are time poor. I don’t have time to do the things I’m really interested in doing, let alone indulge my friends in their hobbies..Life is short, we need to be selective, to say no to the things that don’t hold any value for us personally.

Also, there’s a cost of living crises, people have to make choices.

I think you are very lucky to have a partner who supports you, obviously not everyone has that level of consistent support.

I'd go to support my own children and maybe other family members, that's about it.

When I was young, footloose and fancy free and living close to my friends, then I might well have done. But now, with a busy life, lots of responsibilities and not necessarily living within easy travel distance, no, it would have to be something earthshatteringly special or amazing.

Argh. I have a family member in an amateur rock choir, I went once to show willing and they were painfully awful. She thinks they’re very good and continues to invite people.

Some of us have gone once but never again. Awful song choices, cheesy hand dances. I cringed throughout, honestly had to blur my eyes.

They are interested in what makes your friendship special, the concerts are not it.

Nothing to do with you, the fact they are not interested in choir concerts doesn’t reflect on you. If you were my friend I may walk on fire for you but I would still not go to the concerts. Not a personal interest, not a priority.

YABU. My partner is a professional musician but I don’t go to his gigs because I don’t like the music he plays and I’m not interested. I have a couple of friends in bands too and I don’t go to watch them either because frankly they aren’t very good. I wish them very well in their endeavours but I don’t need to see it! I wouldn’t expect them to come and watch me either if the boot was on the other foot. For me friendship is about spending time together doing things you both enjoy, and you don’t have to enjoy (or pretend to be interested in) every facet of each other’s life.

I would find watching a choir boring so have never been to see one even though some friends sing in choirs. It’s not an individual performance. Sounds rather egotistical to want to be seen as an individual in a choir.

And yet these are no longer your friends...

I don't generally watch people sing in choirs, act in amateur plays, run races, play football, dance, swim, do karate, do the gardening, read a book, knit, weight-lift... I don't watch a hobby, I follow my own interests. I might watch an occasional marathon (not all, how many marathons must one human watch?) or perhaps one special play / Christmas carol concert. Otherwise I'll swim with someone, hike with them, weight lift with them... being a participant in a shared experience rather than bored watcher.

Surely the point of the choir is for you to have fun, meet others in the choir, improve your own singing etc. Surely your new choir friends are right there standing next to you. Why do you need another friend to be there too? What do you do with the friends you have today, and why is that not enough?

It’s a hobby that you do for your own enjoyment that requires minimal effort from you and is not something that would obviously cause nerves. It course as easily be gardening or quilting.

what needs supporting?

I am in an amateur choir that’s reasonably good, so I post the advertising blurb for concerts to my friends’ online groups but I don’t specifically invite anyone. Closest friends know it’s on because I casually mention what I might wear etc but I don’t expect them to come unless they want to independently of my participation. Mostly they don’t come!

I have also attended lots of events to support my friends especially if it’s fund raising. But I guess I go because I want to. Maybe I am overly generous with my time, but it’s not worth taking personally imo.

Have you invited them?

You must be quite sensitive because how is that any different to “birthday party at mine next Saturday at 7pm would love for you to come”

That isn’t what Op is saying though is it?
if a friend is regularly performing it’s nice if friends spare a little bit of their time and show support, even if a choir concert isn’t really their thing.
Op I sing in a choir too and same scenario, outside of my family my friends rarely show an interest (although the occasional one has come along)
Are you inviting them directly or just vaguely assuming they know so they can turn up if they want to?

If a friend was playing in a charity football match (I hate football) I’d show a polite interest but not even consider going if they just talked about it generally.
If, however, they specifically said “Ian it would mean a lot if you came along” then yes I’d make the effort.

I have gone a long to a few amateur dramatic performances due to various friend's performing. However, I have gone, because I liked the particular play/musical they were performing in. If they'd been performing in a production of Hamlet, then the likelihood of me going would have been zero! It may depend on what type of choir you sing in...church music, gospel, unknown artist music or music that's easily recognisable? I'll be honest, unless the choir were singing instantly recognisable music, I wouldn't go.

I play football every week and we got into a cup final, I don’t expect friends to come and watch me play, and they don’t! We are all still friends.
Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse that going to watch a choir

Are you my friend? Whenever I’m visiting her area she’s always inviting me. Watched when I’ve been staying with her but honestly I don’t listen to music, listening to a choir bores me rigid.

I think it's a bit weird that they expect members of the public to pay to watch an amateur group?

My mum and friend were in a couple but the concerts were always free. Or if it was part of a larger event the choir members were given free tickets to give out. Surely the choir charges an entry fee. So why charge on top of that for tickets. It's off-putting. I'd say that might be one of the reasons they won't go.

I absolutely love live music but really not interested in choirs. If I had unlimited evenings free (no children/older children) I would make sure I went to support you on the odd occasion if tickets were very cheap (a few quid) or free. But as someone with a toddler and limited time to be able to go out in the evenings, it’s not something I’d spend a rare child-free evening doing. If you did free events during the day, at a village fete for example, I’d take my child along to that to support.

People are busy, and it’s not like they’ll actually get to enjoy your company while you’re singing in a choir. I’ve dragged my husband along to see his mum in her choral concerts a couple of times because she’s close family and could do with the support since being widowed. But I wouldn’t do it for a friend because I just don’t have the time. If they’re keen to spend time with you in other circumstances I wouldn’t take is as a rejection, just that watching your choir is not a priority for them, it doesn’t mean that you personally are not a priority for them. Your husband goes and that should be enough.

Yes, emotional blackmail is a great way of drawing the crowds.

TBF, I don’t go and watch him when he does a marathon. I think we both have memories of having to go and watch our parents do those things, so we let each other off. Because we love and support each other.

I've thought about this myself - although, unlike you, I'm one of the many people who would like to write novels but hasn't actually done anything about it yet!

If I ever do manage to do it, I don't think I would tell anybody apart from my immediate family (i.e. my own household).

I would much rather think that people who don't know me and don't 'owe me' any loyalty would stumble across a book by (to them) some random person and decide that they wanted to read it purely on the strength/interest level of the book.

I can't think of anything more cringeworthy than people feeling duty-bound to buy/read something they hate and/or that doesn't interest them in the least - and then feeling obliged to lie about how much they liked it (or find euphemisms to mask it).