To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

Would your friends pay to go and see a world class choir? If not, it’s probably because they don’t really like choirs. You love your choir, but asking people to sit through 2 hours of ABBA songs in the style of The Sound of Music is a big ask. I have friends in choirs, ukulele bands, shamanic drumming ensembles and pub fiddle-Dee-Dee groups. I could spend my whole life sitting through music I don’t enjoy. Your choir is for you, it’s your hobby, not your friend’s.

YABU. 'An amateur choir but pretty good' tells me all I need to know.

I think it's a shame they've never gone once, but I wonder if with your DH going every time they're worried if they go once you'll expect them there every time?

That killed a friendship of mine when she expected my attendance at her plays every single time. Regardless of my other plans or my family having plans.

I’m sure your friends have plenty of hobbies you couldn’t be bothered to watch either. Just because it’s a “performance” doesn’t make it interesting to other people.

This is the problem with amateur choirs, am dram, community theatre, community talent shows etc. They’re often just not that great and it shouldn’t be a prerequisite of friendship that your friends have to sit through this torture because you personally enjoy it.

I was prematurely ancient then. I went to hear the St Matthew Passion at the Albert Hall when I was in my late teens/early 20s. It blew me away, and it wasn't anything to do with the religious side of it - I'm an atheist!

If my dp was in a choir, I’d support them.

I’m not a choir person either, so I wouldn’t go to a choir recital either.

I actually would prefer to see a performance if a friend wasn't in it, because I just can't watch friends objectively, I get incredibly stressed and embarrassed for them even if they are good, it's as if it's me up there on the stage.

One is a personal invitation to a private party.

One is an advert for a paid public event.

You sound like a genuinely lovely person, OP. I am now feeling bad about my refusal to go to listen to my friend's choir with the flat sopranos

Honestly though this thread has been very enlightening as I had NO IDEA how much choir hatred there was in this country!

Have you specifically invited them?

some people take the initiative and go to things to show support for their friend even if it’s not really their thing - you.

for others it just doesn’t occur them to do it. They assume you go to their things off your own bank because your interested it / enjoy it. Of they tho k if you haven’t invited them then you don’t want them there.

invite them to come and see how it goes.

I have a friend in a choir. We went to a couple of early concerts when they were worried about the room being half empty to give moral support....but we knew the choir was worried and wanted to encourage.

To be honest, concerts are dull, I don't know the songs usually, seats are not that comfortable and I would rather be out with my friend doing something together. If they are singing somewhere unusual we might still pop along for a look

I must also add that now he is firmly embedded in the choir, and they are established he will of course say hello if he sees us there, but for him it's about the team event, the details of what went wrong, and the adrenaline of performance and he is better in the pub afterwards with other choir people than trying to say all those things to non choir friends.

We always ask how it went next time we see him. I would find the OP view a bit intense and showing a lack of respect for our differences.

@LaChanteuse can I ask if you had parents who were never interested in your extracurricular activities as a child? Not trying to armchair psychoanalyse, but the part where you say you turn up for your friends things regardless of how enjoyable you find their special interests or hobbies and disappointed that your friends won’t suck up spending their free time sitting through something they really don’t want to just for you, reads like there may be a deeper issue in not feeling seen.

I do agree with others I’m afraid, I’ve been invited to choir performances in the past from friends and it’s a hard no. Spending time and money on someone else’s hobbies or interests where the outcome isn’t something remarkable would not be something I’d do, but I’d offer to give a small donation at times for a few charities they’re raising for.

I have a bit of a thing for choral music. A former colleague was in Brighton Festival Chorus and I sometimes got freebies for performances, which I loved.

If it's not your cup of tea though, it must be boring as fuck and therefore I think you're BU.

Quite. The danger for friends is that the choir is NOT good and then they're obliged to lie to the OP.

I’d rather watch paint dry than attend an amateur choir performance. I hate choirs, soooo boring! Unless you sing rap or something funky. But I bet it’s all Auld Lang Syne, Amazing Grace and similar tedious stuff. It’s for old ladies with a perm and Birkenstocks. 😩

I've been in choirs for years and stopped bothering to tell people about the concerts because none of my friends ever come. I get it, I'd rather sing in a concert than watch one. But I still find it a bit hurtful that my friends can't be bothered.

Thinking about it, a choir concert is just about the most arduous thing to be invited to see if you have no interest.

You are obliged to sit in silence for the whole thing (plus interval!), pay for a ticket, watch a bunch of amateurs give, at best, a mediocre performance of music you wouldn't choose to listen to, possibly not even be able to pick out your friend in the choir (her voice or even where she is). Hang around to speak afterwards when she's already with her choir friends...

Watching someone run a marathon is easy in comparison.. It's free. You find your spot, have maybe a 20-minute window in which they're likely to pass you, give a little cheer and a wave then fuck off home.

Art exhibition - piece of piss. Look, look, look. Ponder, ponder, ponder. "Oh, this one really speaks to me." Fuck off home.

"I'm in a band." Got to pub. Stand at the back and chat to your friends.

"I've written a book." Order from Amazon. Display prominently on your bookshelf at home. "An amazing piece of work "

You want these people to travel internationally to watch the amateur choir?

This is so true OP. In my teens and twenties yes we all went to support our friends doing things partly because we had so few responsibilities at the time and partly because we were all so socially motivated as at that stage of life. I think you need to understand that your friends may not even think it’s part of friend ‘duty’. Some people might be happy to go, others will show support and friendship in different ways. I would also release my husband from always having to attend if I thought that he didn’t want to go! What a nice man. Don’t take it personally with your friends and their no-show.

It's not something id want to go to id bored out my mind.

I am surprised at many of these responses, and the poll result. I hear you @LaChanteuse and yes I think it's a shame that they can't make a bit of effort to go to one of your concerts now and again.

Try not to be too blue about it though. Nothing you can do about it.

Happy singing! 🤗