To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

Are they spectator events?

As a friend yes, but they don’t have to be interested in your hobbies. Would you go to watch them at bridge club or crochet circle?

I wouldn’t normally go and watch friends doing their hobbies but I also wouldn’t expect them to do so for me. I have sung in choirs quite a lot in the past and amateur choirs are really for the enjoyment of the participants, they’re never that great to listen to.

However if a friend said this particular occasion is really important to me, please could you come and support me then I’d do my best to go as a one off.

And @Sadworld23 , I didn't say a good friend wouldn't support her friend by going to see her in a bad play.

I said a good friend wouldn't expect a friend to come and see her in a terrible play. Very different.

What good cause?

My Mum sings in a community choir and I do try and go to a few of them in a year especially when they are close by , but there are quite a lot and the standard varies massively. I've got two kids, so on a rare night out I don't always want to watch a load of middle-aged ladies sing. I also feel for her a big part of it is the social side - they hang out afterwards and I don't want to feel like a third wheel. Maybe your friends feel similarly - if you want them to come be explicit.

Hi @LaChanteuse I sympathise with you.

I take part in some musical events and some of my friends never come, some will turn up on occasion or rarely. I do let them know the concert is happening and I wonder if this would help in your situation. Usually I would say something like "I'm currently enjoying rehearsing for the next concert, we're doing XX theme / YY composer / here's why I like performing ZZ. It'll be held at the end of September, you're very welcome in case you fancy coming".

This means that I've told the friend a little bit about what I'm doing and why I like it - plus given them some info about what type of event it is - and then it seems easier for them to decide if they fancy coming along or not.

I dragged myself to my dc school performances because I love them and I wanted to see them perform.

I would be very unlikely to want to sit through a choir concert for anyone but my dc no matter how good

Actually I think a good friend would, at least once, because it's supporting the friend and a good cause at the same time.

And it's sad that other posts agree with you.

I would stand in a cold field with wet feet if it meant my friend had someone on the touchline supporting her venture.

I think sitting in a civilised room with facilities on the odd occasion isn't too much to ask.

I would definitely go and see a friend perform once. I would want to support them!

I have friends in choirs and so far they have never asked me to attend. I’m trying to imagine them asking me to come and I’m getting a really awkward feeling as a response. Not entirely sure why. I think I would feel obliged to go but worry it would go on for too long, the singing would not be very good, I’d have to go on my own as no-one else would want to come, they would ask what I thought after and I’d have to lie and say I loved it etc. I really care about these friends, visit them when I can, send cards and gifts, listen to them when they are down and generally give up my time for then, but going to their concerts seems a step too far for some reason. The psychology of this is really interesting to reflect on. It’s possibly quite an English response. If you have ever read Watching the English by Kate Fox, the chapter on Humour Rules contains a note called The Importance of Not Being Earnest which may be relevant here. I think there is an earnestness attached to asking people to watch you perform, that English people are socially conditioned to reject.

I wouldn’t go. My interest would start and end with ‘Good luck at your concert!’ and then ‘How did your concert go?’

You can’t force an interest that isn’t there. If it was, they’d go.

Listening to a choir =mega boring. Enjoy your singing but don't expect others to.

You can still be really good friends and not be interested in everything they do, they aren’t another partner or DH.

I think coming once would be nice, particularly when the proceeds go to charity. If any of your friends expect you to cough up because they are running a marathon you can tell them to F right off.

To be honest, choir concerts would be my idea of hell. They’re not interested. 🤷‍♀️

So lucky 🙌 ☺️

Yes, I think it is a shame, too, OP. I don’t think YABU. Do they say, ‘yeah, maybe…’ when you mention an upcoming concert and if they’d like to go?

Are your friendships balanced otherwise?

Ultimately, I’d say just don’t dwell on it. Lovely husband, and sometimes children, go!

@LaChanteuse I've read through all your responses & I can't see if anyone has asked you this but, have you actually invited your friends to come along & support you?

Unfortunate world we live in also, that people find it so hard to use kind words sometimes !
With your “ belllowing “ & “ you can’t expect your friends to be interested, just cause you are “

When we choose partners & friends in this life , of course interests are different, but being our partner or friend we show an interest in supporting them, so yes , it’s not unreasonable to want your friend/freinds to maybe come once & see you in a concert you are performing in ..
And that is how my world works anyway ….

It’s not just any choir though. They’re going to see the OP. I’ve been to dance shows to watch people I know, even though I’m not interested in that sort of thing at all. It’s not about the choir, it’s about supporting the people you love.

Ddakji, I sometimes disagree with posts on Mumsne but wouldn't dream of calling anyone rude or ignorant. As I've already pointed out to you, I am neither. I made a light hearted comment based on my own experience and you seem to have become upset by it. Shall we agree to disagree and move on? Frankly, I have better things to do than reply to unfounded insults.