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AIBU?

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Original poster

DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

587 replies

GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:12

My mum passed recently, this wasn’t a shock as she had been ill for a while but none the less we are devastated.

I have 2 bio children and DSD who has been in my life for 8 years, she was friendly with my mum and my mum has left her just as much as she has her other grandchildren.

DSD said she couldn’t come to the funeral as work was busy and she couldn’t get time off, she’s 24.

Tonight my DD has shown me her instagram stories. Up at 4am queuing for Wimbledon, seems to have spent the day there and is now at Hyde park seeing Gracie Abrams and Noah Kahan.

AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off this is why she didn’t come to my mums funeral when my mum has left her 15k?

I was understanding when it was work but a concert and Wimbledon?!!

DHs response is “she’s young she probably had these plans for a while and we all grieve differently”.

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 05/07/2025 15:07

GloMum · 05/07/2025 14:59

Reading through the responses, I realise this is a nation of sociopaths - I’m shocked how many people expect no empathy, no honesty and no decency from a family member.

It's a step grandmother she only knew as an adult. Barely a family member in my opinion.

Valeriekat · 05/07/2025 15:05

Smartiepants79 · 04/07/2025 21:21

Well she shouldn’t have lied. And probably shouldn’t have gone to Wimbledon.
But the concert had presumably been booked months ago and potentially cost a lot of money. I don’t think that the money your mother has chosen to gift her has really any bearing on this.

The concert tickets were around 65 quid I believe it was a Hyde Park Concert.

Valeriekat · 05/07/2025 15:03

PeapodMcgee · 04/07/2025 21:17

Funerals are horrible, not compulsory, and I would rather everyone went to Wimbledon quite frankly.

Edited

Funerals can be a lovely tribute to a passed loved one however and a support to their closest family. She was dishonest and a ungrateful. My relationship with her would struggle to recover and actually my relationship with my husband too. He isn't being very understanding.

GloMum · 05/07/2025 14:59

Reading through the responses, I realise this is a nation of sociopaths - I’m shocked how many people expect no empathy, no honesty and no decency from a family member.

Superger · 05/07/2025 14:44

ExtraOnions · 05/07/2025 14:37

I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t mind, as she’s dead, and has no inkling who is turning up, and who isn’t.

Show quote history

Opinions on that vary, don’t they?

In any case, it’s usual for a person’s wishes before death to remain important to their loved ones.

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 05/07/2025 14:41

ButteredRadish · 04/07/2025 21:30

What a selfish, heartless bitch she is! She’s been handed £15k from someone she’s not even related to and she couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to care for 2 hours at the funeral? Yeah I’d be furious and would never speak to her again (after making the suggestion that she split the £15k between my kids; Although I realise I can only suggest this. I can’t demand she do it as legally it’s hers, but I’d be telling her she needs to do the decent thing. After which, I’d never ever speak to her again. Never.

This is a completely insane response

ExtraOnions · 05/07/2025 14:37

Superger · 05/07/2025 14:35

I'm sure your mum won't mind.

How can you be sure of that? Lots of people would be hurt by the thought that a family member would choose not to attend their funeral without good reason. Or would forget about it.

I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t mind, as she’s dead, and has no inkling who is turning up, and who isn’t.

Superger · 05/07/2025 14:35

I'm sure your mum won't mind.

How can you be sure of that? Lots of people would be hurt by the thought that a family member would choose not to attend their funeral without good reason. Or would forget about it.

intrepidpanda · 05/07/2025 14:01

I've never been forced to go to a funeral in my life. You don't need to sit through a church service to remember someone. I'm sure your mum won't mind.

Gloriia · 05/07/2025 13:50

Superger · 05/07/2025 12:45

It’s not for you to say that though.
OP was obviously upset by it. It wasn’t fine to miss it without good reason in that particular family. (It wouldn’t be in mine either.)

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The op has posted for opinions. Perhaps other people saying it's a step Grandparent, it's fine helps her think yes maybe it is.

Or we could all say yes dsc is awful poor you but generally aibu will host a variety of opinions.

I'd try and put less pressure on her in future so she can talk openly and not feel the need to make stuff up.

Superger · 05/07/2025 12:45

Gloriia · 05/07/2025 12:23

So what though? The lying again isn't nice but many people do when they feel under pressure from others.

It was a Step Grandparents funeral, it was fine to miss It.

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It’s not for you to say that though.
OP was obviously upset by it. It wasn’t fine to miss it without good reason in that particular family. (It wouldn’t be in mine either.)

Superger · 05/07/2025 12:43

Gloriia · 05/07/2025 12:02

I know it is awful knowing that her dm is grieving to then stir the pot and show her the stepdaughter's posts knowing it would cause upset.

Edited
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As you probably know already, I was referring to DSD’s behaviour, not DD’s.

Gloriia · 05/07/2025 12:23

latetothefisting · 05/07/2025 12:14

Ooh, no, she'd have to rearrange her timings and have a slightly shorter shower!
Of course when you put it that way it would be completely unreasonable to expect her to do two things in one day, poor girl.

Except she did - go to Wimbledon all day (which she didn't have tickets for so wouldn't have lost anything by not going - as OP said she's already been once this week) and then went to the concert. Presumably without a shower in-between.

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So what though? The lying again isn't nice but many people do when they feel under pressure from others.

It was a Step Grandparents funeral, it was fine to miss It.

latetothefisting · 05/07/2025 12:14

TwistedWonder · 05/07/2025 01:33

If she has tickets for a gig she’s probably arranged her timings already. She’s not going to go to a funeral have a quick shower and dash to a concert.

I wouldn’t change pre arranged plans for anything other than an absolute emergency. People have prior plans and that’s to expected

Show quote history

Ooh, no, she'd have to rearrange her timings and have a slightly shorter shower!
Of course when you put it that way it would be completely unreasonable to expect her to do two things in one day, poor girl.

Except she did - go to Wimbledon all day (which she didn't have tickets for so wouldn't have lost anything by not going - as OP said she's already been once this week) and then went to the concert. Presumably without a shower in-between.

Kreepture · 05/07/2025 12:13

I'd also be questioning your daughters motives of upsetting you over your mothers funeral by pointing out her step sister was lying.

EleanorReally · 05/07/2025 12:10

dont blame the messenger

Kreepture · 05/07/2025 12:10

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 05/07/2025 10:21

But would you lie about it? To me the lying is the problem and I wouldn't be able to forgive that

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Nope, i'd be honest.. that i had other plans i wasn't able to change.

Gloriia · 05/07/2025 12:02

Superger · 05/07/2025 11:59

I would be extremely disappointed in her behaviour OP.

No excusing that level of selfishness.

I know it is awful knowing that her dm is grieving to then stir the pot and show her the stepdaughter's posts knowing it would cause upset.

Superger · 05/07/2025 11:59

I would be extremely disappointed in her behaviour OP.

No excusing that level of selfishness.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 05/07/2025 11:22

Looks like the DD was deliberately trying to make trouble .

EleanorReally · 05/07/2025 11:21

the dd is only 18, give her a chance

Gloriia · 05/07/2025 11:16

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 05/07/2025 11:15

When I die I hope my funeral doesn’t stop people from going to Wimbledon or pop concerts. Life is for the living!

Do something about your daughter’s spiteful passive aggressive-ness, though. That is a highly unattractive quality to have.

Absolutely.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 05/07/2025 11:15

When I die I hope my funeral doesn’t stop people from going to Wimbledon or pop concerts. Life is for the living!

Do something about your daughter’s spiteful passive aggressive-ness, though. That is a highly unattractive quality to have.

PlumLemur · 05/07/2025 11:14

Posted before seeing the update, that’s good @GillieLo. sending you best wishes.

SameDayNewName · 05/07/2025 11:11

Glad there was more to it @GillieLo I think moving on is sensible x

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