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AIBU?

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Original poster

DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

587 replies

GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:12

My mum passed recently, this wasn’t a shock as she had been ill for a while but none the less we are devastated.

I have 2 bio children and DSD who has been in my life for 8 years, she was friendly with my mum and my mum has left her just as much as she has her other grandchildren.

DSD said she couldn’t come to the funeral as work was busy and she couldn’t get time off, she’s 24.

Tonight my DD has shown me her instagram stories. Up at 4am queuing for Wimbledon, seems to have spent the day there and is now at Hyde park seeing Gracie Abrams and Noah Kahan.

AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off this is why she didn’t come to my mums funeral when my mum has left her 15k?

I was understanding when it was work but a concert and Wimbledon?!!

DHs response is “she’s young she probably had these plans for a while and we all grieve differently”.

OP posts:
murasaki · 04/07/2025 21:30

Why did your daughter show you her Instagram? That wasn't helpful at all.

Sansan18 · 04/07/2025 21:29

She's been disrespectful and she's lied, she's too old to have done either.
Even if you go with the argument that funerals are for the living she's disrespected you and your children.I'd find it hard to get around this to be honest.

MsTamborineMan · 04/07/2025 21:29

If she's had the concert tickets a while then I probably wouldn't miss a concert and Wimbledon to go to a funeral

I also think your DD is stirring the pot by telling you the day of your mother's funeral

Wishitsnows · 04/07/2025 21:29

It’s not her relative so she probably isn’t grieving. She will no doubt feel sad in her own way just doesn’t feel the need to be there

Original poster
GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:28

GrahamSoup · 04/07/2025 21:26

Did you not check the date with all key people before you booked it though?

We are dealing with a large extended family, 10 grandkids, 4 children, sisters/brothers. We tried to work around everyone the best we could but some people had holidays booked for next week, 2 of my nieces at Scottish unis had graduation this week etc.
I don’t think we would have been able to take a concert (which she could have made if she came to the service and skipped Wimbledon anyway) into account.
She didn’t tell us about the concert at all though.

OP posts:
Wolmando · 04/07/2025 21:27

It sounds like you didn't think she should have had the inheritance anyway, regardless of the funeral

BusMumsHoliday · 04/07/2025 21:27

She shouldn't have lied. And I think her dad should speak to her about that.

Would she have been travelling out of London to the funeral and then not been able to get back for the concert? I can see why she might not have wanted to miss an event she presumably paid a considerable amount for. But she should have been honest if that was the case.

Your mum sounds lovely and generous and I'm sorry for your loss.

SammyScrounge · 04/07/2025 21:27

GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:12

My mum passed recently, this wasn’t a shock as she had been ill for a while but none the less we are devastated.

I have 2 bio children and DSD who has been in my life for 8 years, she was friendly with my mum and my mum has left her just as much as she has her other grandchildren.

DSD said she couldn’t come to the funeral as work was busy and she couldn’t get time off, she’s 24.

Tonight my DD has shown me her instagram stories. Up at 4am queuing for Wimbledon, seems to have spent the day there and is now at Hyde park seeing Gracie Abrams and Noah Kahan.

AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off this is why she didn’t come to my mums funeral when my mum has left her 15k?

I was understanding when it was work but a concert and Wimbledon?!!

DHs response is “she’s young she probably had these plans for a while and we all grieve differently”.

That was pretty awful, especially when your Mum had accepted her so wholeheartedly. If your DSD has never suffered a bereavement before, she possibly doesn't understand how much you and the rest of the family are feeling.
I think you would be right to pull her up for her selfishness. She should know her behaviour is unacceptable. After you've done that, you can take up your own grieving again.
I'm so sorry that this difficult time was made worse for you by this girl.

Espressosummer · 04/07/2025 21:26

Does she know your mum thought highly enough of her to leave her an inheritance?

GrahamSoup · 04/07/2025 21:26

Did you not check the date with all key people before you booked it though?

OlyRoller · 04/07/2025 21:26

She didn't ask for inheritance so I think that shouldn't even be a factor. It was a gift. Gifts shouldn't come with expectations.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 04/07/2025 21:26

Is her sister not stirring the pot a bit here knowing you’re upset anyway after a hard day?

Overtheatlantic · 04/07/2025 21:25

I would call out the lie and tell her point blank that she doesn’t deserve the inheritance.

Original poster
GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:25

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2025 21:24

If she already had tickets to a concert, I wonder why she didn’t feel able to tell you that, and this date be avoided?

We live in Brighton, she’d have been able to leave after the service and go to the concert if she had really wanted!

OP posts:
upandleftthenright · 04/07/2025 21:24

That’s awful. Cannot believe people defending this. It’s basic manners. Some people have such low standards of doing the right thing.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2025 21:24

If she already had tickets to a concert, I wonder why she didn’t feel able to tell you that, and this date be avoided?

Screamingabdabz · 04/07/2025 21:24

She left her £15k and she couldn’t even be arsed to pay her respects? I am pretty tolerant about the arrogance of youth but this is next level disrespect. She’s a bad apple.

OlyRoller · 04/07/2025 21:24

I have no problem with this and think you don't really like your stepdaughter.

Im with your husband. Spend your energy on something else instead of being angry.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 04/07/2025 21:24

I would have respected her decision if she hadn't lied. But the lie is disrespect to her stepmother who have given her years of support, and deserved better. I presume she'll be handing over the inheritance to her half siblings since she has so litle concern about the family who raised her and treated her as an equal part of it.

I think I would find it hard to speak to her for a very long time.

ClimbingMountKilimounjaro · 04/07/2025 21:22

“We all grieve differently” - rubbish! She is not grieving at all. How disrespectful of her to miss the funeral of someone who thought enough of her to treat her equally to their own grandchildren.
I hope at least your own children are treating you with care and support.
I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard whatever the circumstances.

PinkyFlamingo · 04/07/2025 21:22

She shouldn't have lied.

Lins77 · 04/07/2025 21:22

I'd be upset.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 04/07/2025 21:22

Poor behaviour (given her inheritance and that she knew your Mum) that deserves to be challenged

Wolmando · 04/07/2025 21:21

I wouldn't go to a funeral if I had booked something else, the person the funeral is for isn't going to know who's there or not

Smartiepants79 · 04/07/2025 21:21

Well she shouldn’t have lied. And probably shouldn’t have gone to Wimbledon.
But the concert had presumably been booked months ago and potentially cost a lot of money. I don’t think that the money your mother has chosen to gift her has really any bearing on this.