DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

I missed my grandads funeral to go to Glastonbury - my grandad would not have wanted me to miss it (and my grandmother said go) my mum wasn’t impressed

Wow. That's fucking nasty of her, op. Shes 24 and old enough to know how to behave.

I'd be really angry with her and with your husband for not forcing her to go.

Unless there's a massive drip feed coming (which I dont suspect in this case), yanbu in the slightest.

I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️

Try to hold off on giving her a piece of your mind for now, as you're grieving. Make it clear youre pissed off with both her and your husband though.

To a lot of people, funerals are mawkish, morbid, expensive and senseless rituals that are nothing more than something to be endured only because people will be upset if you don't go. Why do we put ourselves through it? The concept of "paying your respects" is meaningless. It's a societal pressure that she has had the intelligence and independence to dodge. Good for her.

Cruel of your daughter to crow about it.

Whilst lying wasn't great....

You moved the funeral around some of the family's 'fun' activities - holidays etc.
She probably knew you wouldn't be able to accommodate her but also big things like concerts and wimbledon plans feel important (and shouldn't really be considered any less important than holidays - they are functionally all choices of leisure activity). She probably didn't think through the emotional importance for you of her attending.

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They are indeed for the living and perhaps the OP had hoped for her DSD's support there. Possibly the DSD doesn't really feel close to her - or maybe she simply thought her stepmother had enough support.

My husband warned me that his kids and grandchild wouldn't come to his funeral. I realised afterwards that he was warning me that they wouldn't support me.

I think that’s shocking. Sorry for your loss.

Forget about the inheritance, what you mum has done with that is very kind. It is also a red herring.

where the issue is is her dishonesty telling you she had to work when in fact she queued for Wimbledon and went to a gig. Whether you think she should have gone to those things is largely irrelevant, she is a grown up who can make choices and suffer the consequences (which does include making you upset). The problem is she has lied, and let’s be honest, not very well if she has plastered it all over social media.

this is one of this occasions where you need to speak up and to her (not through your DH). She made the decision, you can tell her it upset you and that her deception is actually worse than the fact she went.

id be inclined to ask her how work was, let her dig a hole and ask about Wimbledon and the gig.

in any event you need to communicate that her actions have made you feel incredibly upset and as a result you are disappointed in her and lost trust and respect. It is ok to be honest about your feelings.

I'm fairly sure that everyone I know well enough to leave me that sort of money would tell me to go the Wimbledon and the concert and not bother with the funeral as they were dead anyway.

Honestly, it seems some people have no idea how to behave . . .

Extreme generalisation there! That may be the case in some families, but certainly not in all.

A bit insensitive at the very least, and she should not have lied. Your DH should be having words about that if nothing else. I hope she apologises. I’m sorry for your loss op.

Sorry for your loss.

This is why we should not consider step children and step grandchildren as our own - because they don’t care about you.

OP, make sure you leave your step daughter out of your own will. Tell her your mum had left her money but she really doesnt deserve it.

It's not just about the money. It's disrespectful. - not just to the deceased person but to those left behind. I'm surprised so many people are defending it.

My mother in law - my son's step-grandmother - died recently and there's no way he wouldn't have gone to the funeral.

Does she actually know about the inheritance?

Do you know Wimbledon was definitely today/that it wasn’t with work? Itsva shame she lied but she shouldn’t be obliged to go to the funeral.

That’s pretty shit IMO. Funerals are for the living, and going to funerals shows those closest to the deceased that you care. I always go if I can possibly manage it. Your DSD has just shown that she doesn’t care.

You don't have to go to the funeral of someone to mourn them or respect them. Personally I would expect anyone to miss a music event in Hyde Park and wimbledon to go to my funeral

It's very kind of OPs mum to give her DSd an inheritance, but she's not obligated to go to the funeral.

i wasn't aware inheritance came with strings.

I wouldn't skip wimbledon and a concert i've had plans for, for a funeral of a step relative either, 15K or not.

I don’t think the inheritance / amount of inheritance is relevant at all.

Money =/= how much you care about someone.

She’s likely had these tickets for a while, worried about the reaction and pretended she couldn’t get the day off instead. Don’t get me wrong, that’s poor of her - but it’s the sort of thing I know I’d try and rationalise in my head at 24 too. She’s a fool for posting all over social media though, especially today.

It’s an extremely emotional day OP so try not to let it get to you too much. The funeral isn’t the only day to grieve and remember those we loved. Sleep on it, chat to your DH again tomorrow and see if he can have a word with her about how it’s upset you that she’s lied about it, whatever the reason.

So sorry for your loss x

Even the funeral of a person who left you £15k?!?!?

I didn’t go to my uncles funeral, I thought he was a total arsehole (as did most of the family but they felt obliged to go, I didn’t).

he only thing DSD did wrong was lie, she should just have been honest.

what your mum left her in her will is irrelevant and shouldn’t be used against her.

What a selfish, heartless bitch she is! She’s been handed £15k from someone she’s not even related to and she couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to care for 2 hours at the funeral? Yeah I’d be furious and would never speak to her again (after making the suggestion that she split the £15k between my kids; Although I realise I can only suggest this. I can’t demand she do it as legally it’s hers, but I’d be telling her she needs to do the decent thing. After which, I’d never ever speak to her again. Never.

Low moral fibre. Also has me questioning your husbands.

I am sorry for your loss