DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

Lol, of course she was stirring.

She probably wouldn't have got a day off for the funeral of her stepmother's mother, so would have had to take annual leave. I can imagine a young foolish person not wanting to give up a precious day of AL for this, particularly if they had already made plans. The fact that she was then foolish enough to put it on social media having said she couldn't get time off shows she isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I wouldn't make a fuss, but I would let her know that it hurt that she wasn't honest about why she couldn't come. But be aware that it will probably cause a fall out between her and your DD for letting the truth be known. People always shoot the messenger.

The inheritance is a red herring. Plenty of people don't know what/if they are being left anything by the time of a funeral. It was very generous of your mum to treat her the same as your daughters, but it wasn't something she had any say in.

She's disgusting!
You see many threads here by people complaining that their in laws or parents don't like their step children as their own. Let this be a warning.

Well, I'm fairly sure that even if the mother wasn't bothered on her own behalf about her stepdgd being there for her own sake, she'd realise how upset her dd (OP) would be at her funeral and would (reasonably) expect her family and loved ones to rally round if she needed/wanted it (which OP did).

Sorry for your loss.

I think she was probably trying to spare your feelings and your DD is stirring when she should just be trying to keep your path smooth.

Is DD upset that DSD inherited the same as her? The money is irrelevant when it comes to the funeral, DSD didn't ask to be left money and inheritance isn't a pre-payment for funeral attendance. Would you have been less disappointed in her if your mum hadn't also left her £15k?

How far down the list is your stepdaughter? If she isn't near the top of people that have to be prioritised (and totally fine that she isn't) then I don't see why she has to lose out on the concert and Wimbledon to prioritise this instead.

Sorry For your loss,OP.

I genuinely thought you were going to say she was 17. At 24 this behaviour is really low. The lies and disrespect must really hurt. And your DH’s defence of her is embarrassing. He really thinks it’s fine for his adult daughter to lie about something important like this? YANBU.

Your daughter sounds dreadful tbh.

Your Dd is loving the drama....

Of course she was intentionally stirring things up. What else was she hoping to gain by revealing that she wasn’t
where you thought she was?

If I died and you made someone show up to my boring funeral instead of a fun event they'd planned with their friends, I'd haunt you.

A lot of funerals are shown online now and available afterward.

She could do something herself to renember her and show gratitude for the money.
She could write down her memories of her. Sponsor a bench, Sponsor a kennel in your local animal shelter, run/walk a marathon for charity, etc.

Also BST in Hyde Park is a festival, it's multiple big artists and starts about 3pm. She will have spent a lot of money and been looking forward to it for a long time.

You accepted accommodating other relatives holidays. Quite rightly as grandchildren/neices are more important than step grandchildren. I genuinely don't think you need to skip a big event and Wimbledon to go to a step grandparent funeral

I think the differing views on here reflect the polarised views about funerals.

Some people consider them an important ceremony and a way of showing respect to the deceased.

Others consider them a way to give closure for the living and to allow them to grieve.

Others think that there is nothing more you can do for the deceased and that grieving relatives will need support over more than just a couple of hours, and that a formal funeral is unnecessary.

The last group is becoming more numerous as evidenced by the growing popularity for direct cremations.

I don't think DSD should have lied, but if she wasn't important enough to be considered in setting the funeral date, I don't see her absence as a huge deal.

Was she consulted when you were looking for a date for the funeral?

Sorry to hear.

This is how it always plays out - step kids and step grandkids will not care about you at all when we are old @Lins77. Just something to be aware of so don’t leave them any inheritance and adjust your kindness towards them accordingly.

Ungrateful and entitled i would remember this

My dd (25) got up at 5am to catch many trains to attend the funeral of her GREAT aunt her nans sister and no she wasn't left money in a will but she cared so she came

I’m sorry for your loss OP, it’s so raw and soon. Unless your daughter is very young, she’s totally out of order for stirring things up like that at such a difficult time. What was to gain by showing you those posts, especially now?! Very selfish and thoughtless.

DSD should have prioritised her step Grandmothers funeral and shouldn’t have lied. But the money has nothing to do with it, it’s about the relationship and clearly they had a good relationship, so she should have paid her respects. Try not to let this blow up
into something massive that divides your family though. I’m sure your Mum wouldn’t want that.

They are also a mark of respect and pay tribute to the loved one that has been lost, as well as support for the family of the deceased. DSD clearly knew exactly how it would look if she told the truth, so she lied. She took the money but couldn’t be bothered to pay her respects.

most people don't feel a "need" to attend funerals, they go to support their loved ones. Given she seems to have a decent relationship with OP, it would be a bit of a dick move to have skipped the funeral rather than going to support her and her step-siblings even if she hadn't had any sort of relationship with OP's DM, let alone when the DM had been so kind as to treat her like her own grandchild. Even if she isn't grieving, it's a mark of basic respect.

It's not as if wimbledon is a one-off, she could go any other day, or next, or any year.

Most people would hope, however, that you would support the person who had been bereaved. As I've said above, the DSD possibly thought that the OP had sufficient support, but I totally understand why the DSD's behaviour stings.

Really poor behaviour. Doesn’t matter that your mum won’t know, it’s disrespectful to you and the rest of your family.

It’s a shame she lied as maybe another date could have been discussed and it’s sad if it has upset you, but going to a funeral is a choice, the last few deaths of people I know haven’t had a funeral at all, so I wonder if the traditional funeral is somewhat on its way out, and maybe it’s starting to be viewed slightly differently nowadays.