DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

Fancy putting herself on Instagram. She’s clearly not very bright, as well as selfish.

Agreed, and how wonderful OPs mother was alive to bear witness to her doing this too.

She isn’t obliged to go to the funeral. I do wonder if she already learned of her 15k inheritance? The bad part is lying saying work as an excuse and then posting on socials, otherwise engaged. Surely she knows you / DD would see her socials though which makes me wonder if she wasn’t lying and maybe there was confusion about work times / original shift which she may then have been able to swap to go to Wimbledon

Maybe it's benefit of the doubt here- she had the plans for a while. Its your DD that has shown you, so presumably you don't actually follow her. If she hadn't had the plans, thought she was working then decided to go spontaneously, it just came up and she wasn't intending to lie? And if she did actually get the tickets last minute, but decide to lie and say she was working, then post it online, well you have no way of knowing but in situations like that I always think its karma in future.

She may have felt uncomfortable or indifferent about funerals. I remember my first one in my mid 20s and I'd rather have done anything BUT go to the funeral.

Good for you.

This thread is not about you, though.

Sorry for your loss.

The lying is bad, but nobody has to go to anyone’s funeral. I really dislike them and find them awful, I only went to one grandparent’s funeral because I was too young to have a choice. The only people I would feel obligated to go to is my parents and siblings, and even then if there wasn’t the social obligation I would prefer to remember them alone, in my own way. When I’m dead, I don’t care what happens and I would prefer my grandkids to be off having fun.

Your DD replying “how was work?” To her story isn’t going to be productive at all. You should talk to her and let her know how you feel, and I do think she was wrong for lying. If it was me, I’d focus on the lying thing and not the what she was doing. The lying is the issue.

Bet she’s happy to spend the 15k though. Life is sometimes awful but you need to not be so bloody selfish.

I’m re quoting this just because this little drip-feed of yours might get missed amongst everyone slating your step-daughter and calling her all the names under the sun. Running the London Marathon is a huge, huge achievement. She honoured your mother whilst she was living.

exactly, I can't believe people are equating it with a holiday, i.e. something that lasts much longer, is far more expensive and is booked well in advance, to something that is on for weeks, and she didn't even have tickets for!
She could have queued and just missed out!

Same

Awful behaviour on her part.

DSD did actually run London Marathon this year for a charity linked to the illness my mum passed of.

That's a really caring and lovely thing to do.

Yet a performative attendance at a funeral is what you're focusing on.

The level of self involved you need to be to say this is astonishing.

She sounds awful. What a shame your mum left her the money.

I am really disturbed by the horrible names your step daughter is being called. We don't know how she felt about becoming part of a new family at 16. It's her private choice how she chooses to honour your mum. If she doesn't feel like she wants to honour her I'd question why rather than call her a c**t.

Agree

You dsd didn’t meet you or your mum until she was 16 and almost an adult
Her relationship with your mum might have been nice but I doubt it was genuinely very close, credit to dsd if she made it appear so
Lovely of your mum to leave her something along with her siblings but it shouldn’t come with strings
She lied to try to save your feelings at a difficult time

I would concentrate on your own grief and let her be

The inheritance.should have provoked a decent sense.of shame.in DSD

Why?

If I chose to leave someone money, that I don't need because I've died. I dont care if they go to my funeral or not. I'm not leaving them money as payment for their attention. You can care about someone and not go to their funeral

I wouldn't be overly upset about not coming to the funeral. Life is for the living and I would much rather people be enjoying themselves than attending funerals. I think funerals have their place for people who want to go to them but no one should ever feel they have to.

BUT I would be majorly pissed off about the lying.

Funerals are awful. I think a young person should be at Wimbledon or a concert rather than at a funeral.

Doesn't sound like the DSD was remembering the step gran much tbh.

I think it's indefensible really. Really poor behaviour and your DH needs to check his own reaction to this. It's hurtful and really disrespectful to you and to the memory of your mum who was kind enough to leave her money that she could have given to her bio grandchildren.

If she'd explained about the concert tickets and been upfront I'd have had no problem with her going. If she was a teen it would be more understandable but she's a grown adult.

Sorry for your loss x

Nobody is obliged to go to anyone’s funeral ,… you can remember someone in anyway you choose, and that doesn’t have to be stood in a room, with a load of other people.
The inheritance isn’t a payment for grief … the more your grieve the more money you get.

I don’t want a funeral, loads of people feeling obliged to turn up .. no thank-you.. much sooner people remembered me whilst dancing at a concert.

No point in being angry about it …