DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

You should edit the OP to mention that she literally ran the London marathon for a charity linked to your mother’s illness. That is a hell of a lot to do for a step grandmother. Does it say in your mother’s will that the 15k inheritance is conditional on her attending the funeral? Your mother obviously loved her very much, and to be honest I doubt your DSD ran 26 miles for someone she didn’t give a fuck about. I can’t believe people want to take that form her… Surly overriding someone’s will is worse than skipping a funeral.

But that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have paid her respects and supported her grieving family at the funeral. And clearly she knew it otherwise why did she feel the need to lie ?

I can't believe people are being so obtuse and ignorant about the inheritance. It's nothing to do with 'buying attendance' or "owing"' gratitude or love or whatever. OP's purpose for including it was clearly to demonstrate that this wasn't a case of a token relationship, i.e. the death of someone the SDD barely knew and was only related to via her father's marriage, but that her mother treated SDD exactly like her own grandchildren ws someone the SDD knew well, and there was a strong, loving relationship (well, at least on one side).

Society isn't going to collapse because people do not want to attend funerals 🤣

What a load of fuss over nothing.

I find it more concerning that a step-mother has posted this hugely outing bitch about a family member. There are some specific details that mean this is likely to get noticed if a tabloid picks it up.

And some are suggesting the executor breaks the law by withholding the inheritance! Ridiculous.

When the time comes i would not wany any of my loved ones missing out on things fir the sake of my funeral.

We are all well aware of how much we mean to each other now, whilst alive

Why not show her this thread, OP, where you've whipped up five pages of criticism and dreadful comments about her?

Sure. We all believe her. Not!

I believe her.

She sounds a decent person, running the marathon was a really nice thing to do.

Emotions always run high on the day of the funeral.

Why performative ? Some of the comments here make me despair about the kind of society we’re living in.

You’re going to hurt yourself with that reach.

It’s really disrespectful - is the money ‘set in stone’ via a will or is it a letter of wishes that can be revised? I’m so sorry she’s behaved this way, must feel like a punch in the gut to you and your children. If your oh doesn’t see that I think you know where his moral compass is at. If she didn’t want to attend she could have spoken to you privately but to be so brazenly non caring to be posting on social media - wow, what a cow.

It’s all fine, except for the lie - the occasion compounds it and I’d struggle in my relationship with her. You need to talk it through with your DH and she needs to understand what she’s done

So why lie then ? Because that indicates she knew how the truth would be perceived.

what a horrible comment. The dd lost her grandmother, and is supporting her upset mother (OP). She probably hoped her stepsister, who has been in her life since she was 9, and whom she probably looks up to, would be there to support her, but understood that she had to work. Then she finds out not only did SS lie to her, but that she was so unbothered about it that she posted stories on social media showing her having fun with her friends while the DD was probably crying at her grans funeral.

And, tbh, I'm a grown woman and I'd be pissed off if my inheritance was halved to be shared with someone who couldn't miss out on one day of a sports event that lasts for weeks and happens every year, so I think it's unsurprising a teenager wouldn't feel a bit annoyed.

No, she probably shouldn't have told OP, or at least left it a few days, but she's 17.
I find it odd that people are giving a grown woman a free pass for lying to her family and being insensitive and selfish but are happy to call a bereaved child names....

Agreed.

It’s interesting that people assume the presence of inheritance requires funeral attendance. It’s almost as if people think it buys control.

She’s messed up by lying, and I suspect that’s the part deep down that’s hurt you.
But could it be that she had been looking forward to Wimbledon & the concert for a long time, and of all the dates the funeral could’ve been on, it clashed?
Did you ask her if there were any dates she couldn’t do? It seems her attendance was important to you, so would be an odd omission of not.
We always do a round robin of important guests to ask for ‘any dates to avoid?’ Of course you cannot fit around everyone but it helps to know in advance if there’s preferred dates.

You would have been none the wiser if your daughter hadn’t shit stirred, perhaps because she’s annoyed that she doesn’t get a bigger share of the inheritance because her step sister is getting an equal share.

Quite frankly, I would address the jealousy between the two step siblings as being more of an issue than who goes to the funeral or not.

Running the London Marathon is a huge, huge achievement. She honoured your mother whilst she was living.

Exactly.

The way the OP has framed this combined with her daughter's stirring shows the apple hasn't fallen from the tree.

How many other relatives have trained for the London Marathon, run it, and raised money for a charity connected to OP's mum's illness?

That's much more of a commitment and way of showing love and respect than attending a funeral.

Has she been to a funeral before?. My DS went to his first one 20, my DH insisted and he got so upset I now respect his decision if he doesn’t want to go to another one for a while or even at all.

I’ve just seen the London Marathon thing. Maybe I was overly harsh.

Would it have been her first funeral? Some young people I’ve known have actually been quite scared of attending the first one, so I can see how she might have been easily persuaded to swerve it.

She still shouldn’t have put herself all over SM though.

“We all grieve differently” I mused, uploading pictures of the fantastic day I’d had to social media.

What makes you say that ? If I knew that my step sister had told a bare faced lie to get out of paying her respects to a woman who was kind enough remember her in her will and treated her equally to her own grandchildren, I think it would be very difficult to keep that to myself. clearly DD has higher moral standards than DSD.

It's a thread about a collection of people's opinions?

This woman has run a marathon to raise money for a charity related to OPS DM. Not exactly someone who's completely uncaring. I think the type of person to leave their step grandchild monry is also not the type of person to call the same person unpleasant names because they didn't attend their funeral

We are seriously fucked as a society, judging by the number of people that think this is acceptable behaviour.
OP I’m so sorry for your loss, your “darling” stepdaughter is an absolute selfish cow, I would struggle to maintain a relationship after her actions today.
Your lovely mum though, treating her the same as your children.
Thats what you should take away from this, that your mum was an incredible person x