DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

I feel sorry for your actual daughter too.
Poor thing.
Watching her older stepsister party and posting about it on her grandmothers funeral day.

She shouldn't have lied, but maybe she found it awkward/difficult to tell you what she was actually doing, or that she simply didn't want to go.

We do all grieve differently and nobody should feel obliged to attend a funeral. The money she was left is irrelevant - the deceased wanted her to have it, that's the end of the matter. You can't use it to guilt her after the fact.

She's 24. Not a child, but still young and likely hasn't had a whole lot of death to deal with. The last thing your family needs right now is a falling out.

Better get this deleted then!

You are right. I'd struggle to talk to her again. Very low accepting inheritance but not attending funeral.

Why are people giving off about ops daughter? Her granny has just died and she sees her stepsister who she’s close to lying and off partying. Of course she’s going to bring it up. That’s not shit stirring, it’s having a valid emotional reaction to upsetting behaviour from someone she is close to.
How people twist things

How very sensible and decent. 👏

This exactly.

It hurts because your mum considered her a grandchild, but she didn’t consider your mum a grandparent.

It hurts because she’s making an elaborate lie about forgetting a family funeral. Not exactly possible when the family chat is presumably focused on that.

It hurts because she is clearly not sad.

She probably lied because she knew you’d be mad. She ran a whole marathon to raise money to support your mothers illness however.

She had plans she paid for, honestly funerals
are horrible they are for the living not the dead the dead don’t care. Your mother saw her run the marathon for her though and honestly that’s much more meaningful that dutifully turning up to a funeral. She did big actions off her own back. I bet your mother would have rather all of you where out having a nice day rather than being sad.

You’re grieving but don’t let a smaller thing destroy a bigger thing.

Honestly when I die, I hope my kids choose a concert over attending my funeral. I am sorry for your loss but I don't think your DSD should feel bad for not attending. I also do feel like your daughter was stirring things by coming and showing the pics. Just my opinion.

She's very disrespectful.

"slipped my mind the funeral was tomorrow", is utterly offensive and enraging. Which is much worse in my opinion. This was your mother? How could her funeral date "slip her mind"?

She should have been honest that she had decided not to attend the funeral.

Lying madam.

Well said. SD is a brat. Not going to the funeral is bad enough, but lying about the reason is shameful. As for "she's young" - she's 24!!!

Sorry to hear about your DM, and I'm sorry you have such a self-centred SD (and a useless DH).

Your mum was sweet but shouldn't have left an unrelated person money that would have benefited her own grandchildren.

You can't treat step dc the same as your dc. If you got divorced you'd probably never see them again, and they already have two families.

OP I am very sorry for your loss and for all the extra hurt of today.

I am glad DSD reached out and that she did say sorry. It seems like there is a lot to still be sorted through but at least tonight when you have already had an emotionally exhausting day, there is some acknowledgment of it. 💐

Having just lost my DF, it seemed my DSC’s weren't going to attend.

I didn't express my upset and disappointment, but felt a real sense of being let down and unimportant to them. I may have expressed this afterwards and would have found their lack of support difficult to deal with.

However, they did come, without any conversation. I really appreciated them as part of my family.

If I were you, I would also be very disappointed that your DSD lied.

I thought that the MN 'rule' about step children is that the whole family has to treat them the same as biological children, it seems that some steps like to pick and choose when it suits them. Hopefully this will influence how the OP treats her in the future.

has everyone missed the part where she lied and said she couldnt get time off? id have more repsect for her if she said she had concert tickets

your dh should be embarrased

I think she’s been very disrespectful to you, OP. And I wouldn’t believe her excuse either. She’s lied. Is she usually so selfish?

No-one should go to a funeral out of obligation. Try to frame it as her choosing to hide it from you to avoid offence; she’s young and had a good day out. She may not feel close to your mum or it may have been she had a better offer - I wouldn’t fall out with her over this, just remember she’s not related to your mum.

‘Grieving in your own way’ doesn’t equate to it being acceptable to completely disregard the feelings of others, and especially those closest to the person who has died. Part of being a functioning grown up, and 24 is old enough, is to be able to consider the feelings of others. I’ve attended funerals where my personal loss has been enormous but I’ve also attended funerals where the impact of the death on me was small but I knew my attendance mattered to those whose loss was great. I think the point about the inheritance is that DSD was treated equally to the other children and it’s that, not the amount, that matters and speaks volumes about OP’s mum. Her father should definitely discuss her behaviour, the hurt she has caused and the fact that she lied.

I think you step daughter is a scum bag personally and she’s shown her true colours .

I think that’s awful. And how does a family funeral escape your mind? I agree with the pp that a funeral is for the living, but she should have wanted to be there to say goodbye, and even if she didn’t she should have wanted to be there for you and your children.
If the colleague swapped with her to go to Wimbledon I’m sure they would have swapped for a funeral.
It’s lovely your mum included her as a grandchild but she doesn’t consider her a grandparent imo.

Quite. I'd focus on the 17 year old DD and her unhelpful behaviour to stir the pot about a relative who, oh coincidentally inherits the same as her, while only being a "step" relative.

How do you know she isn't grieving at all? You don't. You only know that you'd do something different. I have been more upset about the deaths of some people whose funerals I didn't attend than some of those I did.

Rude
if she was queuing at 4am foe Wimbledon, presumably to get tickets on the day - the concert she could easily get to from Brighton.
Hopefully she took a days compassionate leave and her employer spots the day out at Wimbledon posts.