DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

I actually cant believe you are complaining she wasnt there, you didn't even check the date with her, the most important people are your children, I imagine you made sure your DD was able to come?

I get the lying is out of order but you didnt think of her when booking so no right to be annoyed she didn't go.

DHs response is “she’s young she probably had these plans for a while and we all grieve differently”.

No!! This is an unacceptable answer. We see so many threads here where step grandparents leave out the step kids and the hurt it causes and so in the interest of fairness it has to work the other way too. You're husband doesn't see you all as a family? If it was a blood relative would he say the same. Take the 15k off her. She doesn't deserve it. If it were me id be straight on the phone to call her out if I was her dad.

This....all the oh buts for dd, nothing for stepdaughter....🤨

While she shouldn't have lied, I'm appalled at the comments which suggest you tell her she doesnt deserve the inheritance!! That would be spiteful beyond words. Plus, who are any of you to decide whether someone deserves an inheritance from someone else ?!

So, why lie about it then?

I'd be annoyed about the lies. She's obviously not bothered about supporting you. Very poor behaviour. I'd think differently if she'd had tickets for ages, and told the truth.

Why does the DSD deserve an inheritance? No one is owed one.

Because the granny wanted her to have it. No one else's opinion matters

She hasn’t behaved like a granddaughter.

She wasn't treated like one either given the funeral was worked round all the "closer" family's availability - including grandchildren -, but not her

So it's swings and roundabouts with that one

It's nothing to do with you, it's far more to do with your closest relatives. Surely people understand this.
I don't know if you have parents still, or a partner or kids, but if you do, and you died tomorrow it would be them who would be wondering why no one turned up to pay their respects. They would think no one cared about you or them which would add to their grief.

Ok, so how about DSD shows her step mother some support then?

Really? I 100% go to a funeral rather than a concert. Concerts happen every single day in London. Funerals of people I've know for a third of my life and cared enough about me to leave me any money have happened twice and I'm 51.
It's also not just for the dead (who don't give a shit) it's about their nearest relatives and paying respect. Showing that their loved one was worth sacrificing time and effort for. Rather than a gig or some sport that happens every year.

Exactly. The OP has just lost her mum, who sounds like a lovely and inclusive step nan. I would be heartbroken if my DSC couldn’t find it in themselves to come to my mums funeral.

The way some posters have dragged the OP and even her 17 year old daughter is disgraceful. It’s like some get a really nasty kick out of being as hurtful as they can to any stepmum.

I am sorry about your mum, OP. I think your DSD has been incredibly selfish. It ‘slipping her mind’ about your mother’s funeral makes it worse.

What?
Did you mean to type 14 rather than 24?
She could have joined the army, had a child and worked full time for the last 8 years.

Nobody is saying she has to be the sole emotional, financial, and physical support for an entire family, or that she has to organise the whole funeral and give a speech. Just that theyd have appreciated it if she could be there to give her teenage stepsister a hug. It's not much to ask. Its not as if she was expected to give up the whole day, literally just an hour or two. OP has said she could absolutely have gone to the concert afterwards.

Exactly.

Only thing to do now is not make the same mistake in your own will!

And that makes it ok? Who puts pictures on Insta? A thoughtless, selfish person.

This thread has made me want to tell everyone I know that they 100% do not mind if they go to a sporting event and/ or concert instead of my funeral. That’s a much better way to spend the day. If they’d prefer to stay in bed all day that’s fine too. If I leave people money it won’t come with strings- it’ll be because they were good to me when I’m alive, once I’m dead the best thing they can do for me is live life to the full.

I'm wondering why your Mum would leave her such a large sum (that she could have given to her own GC) when she's only known SD since she was almost an adult. Clearly SD didn't consider your Mum as family.

Why does the DSD deserve an inheritance? No one is owed one.

She hasn’t behaved like a granddaughter.

It’s really poor behaviour from a 24 year old adult.

I think it’s extremely kind of your mum to have left her anything- that much money is LOADS!

DSD should have been honest as it’s a bit shitty of a 24 year old adult to lie in this situation I think.

I'm no longer in touch with my late husband's ex, but I recall that she was distressed to find that her sister had organised a direct cremation for herself.

I wish your mum hadn’t left her any money.

DSD was 16 when you met so your mum had zero obligations to her.

Do you know why your mum did that?

I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sorry that at this time you haven’t had the support from your DSD that you clearly deserve. I don’t think your DH should have made silly excuses for her either. Who knows the truth of her recent explanations, but it doesn’t sound good. She should have been there if at all possible to support you and your DDs, not causing any additional stress.

I’d feel upset too. The fact that you ultimately are so reasonable and level headed about letting things go and continuing in affection for your DSD shows what a lovely person you are for her to have in her life. Fair minded, reasonable and loving….exactly how your mum comes across in her choice to leave DSD an equal amount. Your mum was obviously a wonderful lady who raised a lovely daughter.

I just had a close family member do this and it’s awful!! There’s no closure, no saying goodbye. They died suddenly and unexpectedly and it was just a case of hey your child, sibling, parent has died. Ok we’ll get the ashes to you. We didn’t get to see them, have a service, nothing. We are all really struggling with it.

It’s the lying that is disgusting and her ingratitude to being left (very kindly) the same inheritance as your mother’s biological Grandchildren.
I doubt she already had tickets or she would have told you. Her dad is a right arse as well with not calling her out on it.