DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

Given OP has confirmed that she could absolutely have still gone to the concert after the funeral then yes, she probably would have preferred to have heard that rather than a pack of lies...

Op your DSD has shown you where you and your family stands in her eyes so while treat her well but remember she is not same as your own children. Your mother was a kind lady to treat her like her own grandchild but your SD has shown she is not worthy of that.

So OP’s daughter is selfish and thoughtless but there are no such labels in your dictionary for the uncaring step daughter who I believe will be happy to receive ‘granny’s money?

If op didn’t like her step daughter, her mother would not have left her same inheritance she left OP’s children.

This. Nothing you can do about it now, but she deserves to be told how shitty she has been.

Then leave it and move on.

I agree.

It is a very emotional day for you and @RCJJ is right that the funeral isn't the only day/way to grieve.

I remember when I was younger.. I just didn't comprehend what it really means when you lose someone that close. I thought I did but then I hardly knew anyone in real life at the time, who had experienced it but now I do realise the full implications. It could be the same for her. She didn't know your DM for as long or to the same extent that you did. She might have thought she wasn't really needed there and that it was for close family.

I agree that it would be a good idea to get your husband to explain to her that this was hurtful so that you can both maybe talk about it when you feel the time is right.

So sorry for your loss.

The updates are worse!
She goes to Wimbledon every year...
she could've gone funeral first then concert after!

if the grandmother was so fond of her to leave 15k you would have thought she'd care enough to go to the funeral.

I’m double her age and if I had pre booked tickets for the day of a funeral, I’d offer my apologies and keep my plans.

She shouldn’t have lied but I would never evict someone to cancel pre arranged plans

If she's known her for years and acted like a gran, I don't think it should make a difference whether she's a blood relative-OP suggests she's been treated the same.
But it's true some children can feel really upset about divorces and unsettled with blended families, even years after, and none of us can know how she felt. The fact she posted about what she was doing, and didn't keep the concert etc quiet, might be related, I guess? If she wanted to hide the fact she was doing something else from the family, she could have done-but chose not to.

100%

The “slipped my mind” is disgusting.
Bet she happily pockets the 15k

Well, I hope I remember this on the next step-parents/inheritance thread where a step-parent is up in arms that their bio kids aren’t in the will like their SDC. This 24yo step-grandchild was left £15,000 and the step-grandmother’s funeral “slipped her mind”. Something she communicated via a group WhatsApp chat. What is a stepmother to make of that? Her own children getting £7500 less from their own grandmother each in favour of someone who thought so little of her and their personal loss that she couldn’t even be bothered to remember the date of the funeral. Unbelievable.

what an astonishingly nasty and insensitive post to a woman whose mother has just died. And you're wrong, to most people funerals are a way of marking a loss, of gathering a family together to acknowledge and celebrate the person who has died, and an opportunity to show support to the bereaved.

It 'slipped her mind'?? The funeral slipped her mind? What an absolute horrible bitch. That 'apology' is almost even more offensive than her original behaviour.

And I just can't believe what I'm reading 'oh, she's perfectly right attending a fun gig than a boring pointless funeral'. Wtf. I appreciate it must be cultural, but it's such disrespect that she'd be dead to me from now on.

Don't worry, there will be a time(s) when she'll need something. A deposit for a house, help with money, help with health issues, maybe help with pregnancy/childcare/wedding, there will be something, always is. Remember to book a gig for that day. Oops, it completely slipped my mind you're having surgery today, too bad so sad, thoughts and prayers.

Like hell would I treat any step-anyone like my own family. You apparently did, your mum did. And this is your thanks. A disgrace.

I’m sorry she’s added to your sadness by being a thoughtless ratbag. I hope you can put it behind you.

The relevance of the inheritance is that she was clearly considered part of the family by step grandmother. The lack of attendance at the funeral, the posting of fun day events on social media media and the “slipping of the mind” apology shows that the step daughter does not consider herself as part of the family. But more importantly, has no consideration of her step family’s feelings nor does she want to nor feel the need to support them during difficult times. Indeed, to the extent she can post photographs of her having fun on the day of the funeral. This is quite shocking. I would struggle to get past this as it is clear she is not a member of the family you can rely on to be supportive or behave in a socially acceptable way. I think this is rather unusual and callous behaviour. I have attended funerals of people I am not close to because I have chosen to support friends and indeed, in a work capacity to represent the organisation I work for. Dual elements of supporting those you care for and showing respect. Life is for the living, hence there are occasions we attend funerals to show our faces and pull together to support those in times of emotional distress. It’s what makes the world go round. Unfortunately, the step daughter is not the kind of person who can consider other people’s needs and her behaviour reflects on her and her alone. Of course, her step sister shared those social media images. A natural response to quite shocking behaviour.

@Roomwithaview2019Of course the will must be honoured! It’s a legal document and not the OP’s will or her business to try and alter anything. How vindictive towards someone who ran a marathon to raise money for a relevant charity. She needs to accept what was said in terms of the explanation and reflect on the day with the 9 grandchildren who were there.

Why is it people have to perform in return for getting money in a will? She performed in the London marathon. Did that earn her the inheritance from your mum? Seems like they supported each other in life, but in death her goodness has been forgotten. And the other grandchildren an angels? What did they do? Visit every week? Or just go to the funeral?

You may be right about a culture thing. I don't live in the UK, and here people attend a funeral either because they knew the deceased, or because they know someone in the family and want to show their support. People travel hundreds of miles to attend funerals.

There are a lot of self-centred people on MN, unwilling to put themselves out for anyone it seems.

I’m absolutely flabbergasted by the number of people who seem to think being 24 doesn’t equate to being a responsible adult or any necessity for behaving like one🫣…. Perhaps we should raise the age of legal adulthood to 25? FFS🤣

You are quite right, funerals are mostly for the living, although many people attend as a mark of respect for the dead. However, "the living" in this case is OP, who had hoped her SD had the grace to support her by attending her DM's funeral.

As for not attending a funeral because you don't like doing it - grow up!

All these posters excusing SD because she is "young", what a load of nonsense. Plenty of my friends were married and had children by the age of 24.

”Funerals are for the living…”

And this young woman lied her ass off to the living in order to ditch the bereaved’s step-mother’s mum’s funeral.

There are times in life when we make sacrifices for the people we love.

That you find this behaviour acceptable says a lot about you.

Her step mum had her husband and children there.

Wonder if the innocent wide eyed dd is angling for her dss share of inheritance....

She's a selfish arsehole who really didn't give a shit about your mum or you really. 24 really isn't that young. At all. She just doesn't care. I couldn't help seeing her differently from now on.

OP I can understand why you are upset. Regardless of whether she was getting any inheritance or not, I would have expected her to go to the funeral.

I have been to funerals where I have not known the person who passed but I’ve went because it was a friend/work colleague and was there to support them. When my parents died, people I worked with attended to support me.
Maybe it’s a culture thing.

This is very bad behaviour given the background - rude, disrespectful, spoilt, selfish.

Her father should tell her as much. So she has chance to be a better person in future. Agree with other posters that she sounds like a bad apple