5 years, 1 child together, 1 child each with previous partners; blended family of 5, with 3 dogs. My 10yo DS is severe ADHD and on pathway for ASD referral too.
DH does not work currently as was made redundant. I WFH and am on maternity leave currently, however will be going back to work in August and he will be “househusband” as we both agree we don’t want our DS in nursery yet. It was agreed 50/50 childcare and housework between us, but it has never ended up that way and I am always the default parent. I’d say the split is more 75/25 childcare and 80/20 cleaning/cooking. This will have to change when I go back to work however at the moment I don’t mind as DS is BF. I also knew he was lazy when we got together so didn’t expect a miracle but…
Last/this week, I went away with my DS’s (his DD was not allowed to come as per her mums instructions). We weren’t allowed to bring dogs, and couldn’t find a sitter, so he stayed at home. DS was teething so was really hard work all week and I barely got any sleep, but it was a nice trip anyhow. DH spent all week gaming, playing golf etc. I came home yesterday and the house hadn’t been properly cleaned - no polish, hoover, cleaning out bath etc. I put the laundry out to dry last week when I left and he only brought it in yesterday morning as he knew I was home, and dumped it on the floor. Upon my return, I expressed my upset that he hasn’t cleaned and expected me to do it when I returned. I also asked him to do 3 things; a load of washing, put some food away and water the plants - of which he done none and blamed me for not reminding him. He is right, I could’ve but don’t feel I should need to when I’m trying to juggle 2 children. He said (and I quote verbatim) “I left it how you left it, I cleaned up the mess I made” … I will say, the house wasn’t absolutely filthy, but it was grubby; imagine how a house would look 7 days of no basic cleaning. I’m pretty certain he’s not even done a load in the dishwasher.
We had an argument about this and he says I am unreasonable for being upset as it was “his break” too and he didn’t want to spend it cleaning. He doesn’t believe he has done any wrong. He said I chose to go away with kids, if I would’ve chose a place he could’ve took dogs it wouldn’t have been an issue but it’s my problem for not doing so. I explained we agreed 50:50, so if I had kids 100% of time I would’ve expected him to do some cleaning and he said “we agreed that when you go back to work”.
My question is, AIBU to have expected him to clean up given it is his holiday/break too? I really don’t think I am but he seems adamant I am…
TIA