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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think colleague does fancy me

41 replies

Teachingmum1 · 04/07/2025 20:30

Work at a large university in the town my colleague is from and I am from the neighbouring city
have a colleague who is in the same department
he’s divorced and has a few issues with his eldest son and his mental health and has had a few issues at work
I’ve supported him with these things
spent time outside work

earlier this year I hinted at something more and he said he just wanted to be friend s
fair enough

however
I just don’t believe him
he texts me ,smiles at me constantly ,stares at me ,others have commented on this .
I had an issue with a male colleague and he actually approached him and had a word and told others how annoyed he was by this.
would I be mad to suggest something more again?
I don’t want to get rebuffed but I do really fancy his
neither of us are young either
I’m 45 and he’s 51

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Arlanymor · 10/02/2026 20:13

ConfussledbyAccounts · 10/02/2026 20:05

It's my fault for resurrecting a zombie thread in the hope of a fairytale ending!!

Well it is nearly Valentine's Day! 💕

ConfussledbyAccounts · 10/02/2026 20:05

It's my fault for resurrecting a zombie thread in the hope of a fairytale ending!!

BillieWiper · 10/02/2026 20:03

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/02/2026 19:55

Perhaps read the thread.

Show quote history

I'm half asleep and am idiotic. I reported my own post as it's clearly not relevant.

Arlanymor · 10/02/2026 19:59

Terip · 10/02/2026 19:56

I think that because he’s a colleague, I wouldn’t.

You asked, he said no. End of.

Think about how this would look the other way round - a male colleague refusing to take no for an answer from a female colleague.

I agree with you, but just to point out that this is a resurrected zombie thread and by now she has either (a) had a shotgun wedding and is living in bliss somewhere in the Cotswolds or (b) gone on a solitary date with him and realised that outside of work he is a complete weirdo with a full collection of Ewok action figures who he takes to bed with him at night... "Night night Wicket W. Warrick, sleep tight" big kiss and insert the same for Logray, Teebo, Chief Chirpa, Paploo, Lumat, and Kneesaa.

Terip · 10/02/2026 19:56

I think that because he’s a colleague, I wouldn’t.

You asked, he said no. End of.

Think about how this would look the other way round - a male colleague refusing to take no for an answer from a female colleague.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/02/2026 19:55

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Perhaps read the thread.

BillieWiper · 10/02/2026 19:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ConfussledbyAccounts · 10/02/2026 19:46

Sorry to revive your old thread but just interested how the date went and if you got together?
I have been going through something similar and would like a positive story to help get me through!!

upandleftthenright · 19/07/2025 23:20

Oh lovely. Hope it all goes well

Original poster
Teachingmum1 · 19/07/2025 07:31

MascaraGirl · 18/07/2025 21:47

How did you respond?

Show quote history

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Teachingmum1 · 19/07/2025 07:30

simsbustinoutmimi · 18/07/2025 20:54

Talk about mixed messages. I would avoid. Is he definitely single?

Show quote history

Yes he is

OP posts:
MascaraGirl · 18/07/2025 21:47

Teachingmum1 · 18/07/2025 20:53

He had his last day today.

and messaged me at 7pm to ask me out on a date.

so

IWBU
🤪

How did you respond?

simsbustinoutmimi · 18/07/2025 20:54

Teachingmum1 · 18/07/2025 20:53

He had his last day today.

and messaged me at 7pm to ask me out on a date.

so

IWBU
🤪

Talk about mixed messages. I would avoid. Is he definitely single?

Original poster
Teachingmum1 · 18/07/2025 20:53

He had his last day today.

and messaged me at 7pm to ask me out on a date.

so

IWBU
🤪

OP posts:
Evaka · 05/07/2025 08:21

Endofyear · 04/07/2025 21:45

It sounds like he's enjoying knowing that you fancy him and stringing you along. I'd cool the friendship and keep things at work professional. He doesn't sound like much of a catch anyway, he's a middle aged man with personal problems and he's had issues at work? If I were you I'd raise your standards and look elsewhere for company.

This is bang on. He sounds like a Derek Trotter.

jamanbutter · 05/07/2025 08:19

He has verbally told you he just wants to be friends. Respect that.
If the gender roles were swapped and you as a guy said you didn’t believe the woman when she said she wants to just be friends, it would be totally unacceptable for you to dismiss that. Don’t push it.

tilypu · 05/07/2025 08:16

There's someone at work I quite fancy. But I have no desire at all to be in relationship, so even if he was interested in me (he's not 😆), I wouldn't want to act on it.

The two things can coexist.

He has been clear. Respect that, in the same way that you would want someone to respect it if you did you didn't want to pursue a relationship with them.

Coconutter24 · 05/07/2025 08:12

He said he wants to be friends and he’s acting like a friend. If you have feelings for him is this the healthiest friendship for you? Do you want to be friends or are you just hoping he’ll change his mind?

Othersideofworld · 05/07/2025 07:41

You have your answer OP and hopefully a good friend xx

Original poster
Teachingmum1 · 05/07/2025 07:36

DoYouReally · 05/07/2025 01:07

Don't have someone the opportunity to reject you twice!

If he ever does have feelings, he knows he is pushing against an open door. You don't need to remind him again.

thankyou x

OP posts:
Original poster
Teachingmum1 · 05/07/2025 07:35

DontTouchRoach · 04/07/2025 22:22

He’s told you he just wants to be friends. He wouldn’t do that if he wanted a relationship.

All the behaviours you’ve described - texting, smiling, being annoyed on your behalf when someone upset you - are things that friends do.

If I told a man I just wanted to be good friends and he interpreted that as ‘she definitely fancies me, I’ll keep pursuing her’, I’d be really pissed off and the friendship would end right there.

Yes exactly that I wouldn’t want to appear to be a creep

OP posts:
Original poster
Teachingmum1 · 05/07/2025 07:34

Othersideofworld · 05/07/2025 03:56

I’d start talking about how you are interesting in dating, might try an app etc, or hoping your friend might set you up — see if it sparks any action on his part.

Yes I did mention I was thinking about dating etc this week and he went red and said that’s up to me and who was it.
its all a bit childish tbh
and I think the majority of posters are saying the same and true thing.
shame but never mind x

OP posts:
Othersideofworld · 05/07/2025 03:56

I’d start talking about how you are interesting in dating, might try an app etc, or hoping your friend might set you up — see if it sparks any action on his part.

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/07/2025 03:24

He’s leading you on. He’s already said no, but enjoys the attention.

avoid.

DoYouReally · 05/07/2025 01:07

Don't have someone the opportunity to reject you twice!

If he ever does have feelings, he knows he is pushing against an open door. You don't need to remind him again.