Attracted to a married man

It's at work so just don't.

Don't compound your marital mess with messing up at work. People will be po faced about it and even more so if the whole thing goes pear shaped. Work affairs rarely end well in my experience (not personal experience).

End your marriage, OP, but put this guy at work out of your head. He’s a distraction from what you should really be thinking about.

Why do you need a new man to leave the old one?

Show your kids independence - end your marriage and see what happens over time. If you cheat or jump straight into a new relationship, your kids will resent you - and they’ll find out through their dad.

Theres also a good chance that your colleague is happily married and just a cheater. You’ll be left high and dry.

Id recommend ending your marriage, taking 12 months to sort yourself out, with this colleague as a friend only, then see what happens.

I would agree with people saying you need to get out of your marriage first. Then have a time for yourself only. If you want just to have sex with someone, find somebody outside the work. Don’t risk your reputation at work and don’t fall for it. If it won’t work out, you’ll need to work with that man.
Also, you won’t be able to have any future relationship with the man from work if you ruin his marriage. Everybody from his family will hate you starting his kids, parents, friends etc. I don’t think you would want to be in a situation where your man leaves you for a fling at work. Have a respect for yourself. You can find someone who is nice and will love you without being committed to somebody else. Good luck

Even if he did fancy you it's unlikely he would jeopardise his marriage to be with you. Even if he did, you'd just be a shag to him. Him leaving his wife and kids for you is a stretch of your imagination.

Nonsense. If you knowingly chase someone in a committed relationship, you have some element of blame too. It's called having morals.

if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

Why haven't you left your husband girl? Hes the problem!

Completely understand the forbidden attraction, but what would really come of it? Would just be a whole mess, not worth the aggro at all

Best of luck leaving the bastard 💕

You’re unhappy in your marriage, is the guy your attracted to unhappy or does he just like a flirt… very different things. It would be very unfair of you to try make anything happen between you both because you are unhappy. You need to leave your marriage get happy then find a single man if that’s what you want. It’s easy to become attracted to people were around when we’re unhappy but there’s also plenty of attractive and available people out there

Flirting with your married colleague may be a distraction and an ego boost but it's not addressing your actual problem, which is your miserable marriage. You need to address that, separate and get yourself and your children settled again as a single parent. This is the only way you will reach any kind of contentment. Don't imagine having an affair will make you happier - it's horrible, constantly anxious and excited and terrified and guilty. The fallout is horrendous and does untold damage to all parties, including the children. It really is not worth it.

Put all your energies into leaving this awful marriage and when the time comes that you're ready for another relationship, look for someone who's free to give you their all.

They would both destroy the family! She doesn’t owe the wife anything but most people with morals would stay clear of someone that is married.

It might be worth giving yourself space at work. Do not mistake a workplace crush and your own unhappiness as sparks/ a future relationship.

I would look at your exit strategy for your current marriage if you are so unhappy. And also look at places outside work to meet people and make friends. Give yourself space as you, before looking for a new romance to rescue you..

If you’re not happy then leave and then you are free to find someone who is SINGLE and also free to be with you.

Even if this man did cheat for you and then leave his wife and family to be with you, you’d be sat on here in 5 years time after he’d then cheated on and left you. If he’ll cheat on his wife and the mother of his kids then he would treat you even worse, and think about what it says about you that you would do the same. Get a vibrator and a solicitor and start looking after yourself.

Your marriage sounds awful, and I'd encourage you to end that. For your own sake though, I'd caution against starting an affair with your colleague.

This has the potential to ruin your career and the little esteem you have left; especially if you fall in love with him and he cannot reciprocate those feelings.

You're quite vulnerable, given how attention starved you are, so please, don't fill the void with another pointless man.

Do you honestly believe that?

Surely at a bare minimum she owes the wife basic human courtesy?

100% it is the husband fault if he cheats but if you KNOW someone is married and are still prepared to have an affair and break up a family what does that make you???

Nope they blame lies with them both equally as she knows he's married and has kids.
I spoke to the op as she's the one asking for advice if it was the other man asking I'd tell him exactly the same thing

The fact you feel this way is telling you it’s time to end your marriage. He’s just a symptom of how unhappy you are. Don’t go there, he has a wife. Cure the problem, leave your husband and find yourself again. Then you might be ready to find someone who can make you happy.

Your heads been turned. It's time to end your marriage and free yourself of someone you no longer love.

But you will not find happiness with someone else's husband. He'd be a scumbag if he chases you. It won't make you happy, it'll just give you a dopamine hit. Nothing but misery will come from it.

Stop it and focus on your own garden m when you're free and single and settled. This person probably won't be as appealing.

You are not pathetic. This happens all the time in workplaces, people get too close and start thinking about it.

As my dad says: you can think about it but don’t do it.

Can you leave your marriage or is there no sorting it out first?

Ask yourself this, if you screw around with a married man & fuck up his marriage, will you still want him? How could you ever trust him knowing that he stepped out of his marriage to be with someone else, wouldn't that nagging doubt always be there ?
As a previous poster has said, get a divorce by all means but leave other people's husbands alone.

If she has an affair with him.

It's not her who has destroyed that family.

The blame lies with him.

She doesn't owe his wife anything.

It's that man who should be considering his marriage and family. And the blames lies entirely with him.

Your marriage sounds miserable and you should leave your husband. You’ll then be free to find someone nice who you are attracted to and treats you right. But please don’t go after a married man. No good will come from that. And don’t cheat on your husband (no matter how much of an arsehole he is), leave him first so you’re free to see whoever you’d like.