Attracted to a married man

Thank you. Genuinely a bloke is like a dog sniffing around a bum in view of a quick legover with no long term view.
Look after yourself and use your brain not your heart.

You’re not a pathetic cow OP , you’re in a very unhappy marriage & it’s screwing with your head …
Attention then from an attractive male colleague ,who you get on well with , is turning your head & you’re thinking this is my escape, my happiness !
Jesus , it’s not though .. He’s Married !
Only more misery , you’ll never find your happily ever after with a married man …
EVER …..

Don’t go near a married man. it’s wrong . He has made a commitment to his wife.

if he is prepared to cheat on his wife for you - how on earth can you ever trust him to not cheat on you with someone else?

if you are unhappy in your marriage go to marriage counselling, leave or get divorced.

Don’t mess about with a married man - it will end in tears for everyone involved.

Agreed.

Well, you're pretty flippant about that man's marriage with his wife. Because you're unhappy and your husband treats you badly, you want to have an affair with this married man amd destroy their family?! Sorry, but that's a really cuntish attitude. You sound so selfish and self-pitying.

I feel sorry for the married women on this thread. It must be unsettling to feel that your husband is only faithful because other women don't help themselves to him.

To help with lowering the tone / reducing risk with the colleague, you need to do three things.

1. Follow the fantasy through to the next steps - not just the falling into bed bit, but the invariable guilt, the sinking feeling, the fallout, etc. The pay off suddenly seems less good.

1. Find at least one ik about the guy. Concentrate on that when you find yourself flirting.

1. Gradually ease him from being your closest person at work and start looking for another job.

Also, reconsider your marriage.

Yay the Old Testament woman haters have reported for duty

DM did that and it was always her fault (I do know that it wasn't blameless on the side of DF).

That whole period is an absolute blur, and she can't explain it because it wasn't rational.

Having an affair is like detonating a bomb for children. And where there is drinking involved that's an even more dangerous situation I.e. risk of it escalating into abuse towards or in front of children who become innocent bystanders in a toxic situation. I witnessed things that gave me trauma and anxiety and had PTSD for over 20 years (now treated) from the aftermath, all of which stemmed from the affair, and it affected my self esteem into adulthood. My sibling has a severe mental illness which began around that time which ruined his life in many ways. I wish I could say it all wasn't because of the affair. The unintended devastation can be unimaginable. For something entirely avoidable.

Leave with dignity.

Just one more thing, do you find it hard to end relationships?

I know nobody finds that easy but if you are like me and unable to end things without jumping onto the next thing, deep down picking the grenade option might seem like an easier option than having the hard conversation.

Unfortunately when you are married (and especially have kids) you have to end things properly before doing anything else. It will just take time but you can do it.

Do you have employee assistance program at work, they offer free counselling and it’s confidential. They also offer legal advice.

Get some help and support and you can get through this by yourself, you don’t need a man to help you through this.

A married man is unavailable.

I was very attracted to a man at work a few years ago. No wedding ring. Very flirtatious. I am single (divorced/ widowed). Got in texting out of hours. Then I said “I’d always thought you were married” and it turned out he was. And I left that man alone. Despite all his scripts he came out with. Relentless pursuit. Because he has a wife.

Back off this man OP.

And I’ve been the wife - don’t be that person.
You can’t call someone else mean when you’re fantasising about another woman’s husband

You weren’t called a scummy cunt, you were being told that you had a choice to not be that person

If you're not happy in your marriage, get out.

Your colleagues marriage is not yours to ruin.

This ⬆️
no good will come of an affair
you will tear apart your children and the wife and children of the OM.
Affairs cause a nuclear fallout for everyone involved.
Also have some self respect.
If you’re unhappy then leave your husband and find someone available.

Of course you’re not, you are only human.

You haven’t even done anything wrong, you’re just playing out the falsely seductive scenario of cheating on your husband in a hypothetical forum to see where it would end up. And now you know. You don’t sound selfish, OP, just unhappy. If only more people were brave enough to fully think through the implications of how their decisions affect others ahead of time.

You deserve more, you sound lovely. Focus on yourself, not trying to get external validation from a man (any man).

But this is how a lot of people will react to you and your behaviour if you do have an affair with this man and break up his marriage, it’ll bring you a lot of vitriol and you’ll be judged negatively by many, so perhaps view your emotional reaction to this post as a wake up call on what you’re contemplating

I have found myself in exactly the same position, from the wife’s pov, so I know it’s proper Cuntish behaviour and destroys lives.

This, plus how will your work colleagues and bosses view you both.

No your not, your just in a shitty place right now and are daydreaming about something better. If you were the sort of person that poster claims you wouldn't be on here taking the advice that deep down you know to be correct, instead you'd already be having an affair.
Divorce your crappie husband, spend some time on you then find a single bloke who will treat you right

It sounds like you’re coming to your senses about this man at work. I don’t think you deserve people being mean to you. You might want to consider asking for this thread to be deleted. Then start a new thread in relationships to get some advice on leaving your husband. Maybe with a name change.

Reading your posts it’s clear how lonely you are. I don’t think it’s this particular man you want, it just seems you want someone to notice you and show some interest and that’s okay to want that. You know going after someone else’s husband isn’t okay, breaking up someone else’s family isn’t right so back off from that man. Create some distance from him and focus on you and your children.

Think about what you want in life, you can’t stay in this marriage forever if you’re this unhappy. Maybe start making moves to end your marriage and once you and your children are in a more stable position then start looking at dating. It might take a while, it will be hard but the fall out from cheating and destroying two families would be worse.

They didn’t say you are one, they are saying you would be one if you had this affair. You don’t plan to have an affair, so you won’t be one