Husband has bought a lovely thoughtful gift for a colleague but is rubbish at gift giving for me.

fhe gift for colleague doesn’t sound amazingly thoughtful. A mug, gin, coffee and food. At you saying you would be grateful for a mug for your birthday? Nice but if he had to buy this person a gift regularly, they would probably struggle

That’s not the same as saying you don’t like it. He may just assume you like it but have lots of it.

My DH is a bit like this. On very rare occasions he really does well but most of the time he has no clue or even forgets completely. It’s our silver wedding anniversary later this year. I’ve already sourced his presents and personalised card and wrapping paper. I’ll be amazed if I even get a card.

OP, you have my sympathies.

Not read whole thread , just Ur bits. Anyway sounds like he likes the lady because she has been really nice to him in a place that everyone isn't nice. He appreciates that and has wanted to show his thanks with some nice gifts for her leaving present.

A partners gifts time (birthday/Christmas/valentine's day/anniversary/mother's day/ Easter) is just relentless... Me and my husband is only bother with birthday and Christmas. Anyway it's not really the same. This is a one off for a kind lady. So yeah I wouldn't ll sweat it. He sounds like he felt criticised by u and lashed out.

Anyway once the whole thing has died down, maybe have a chat about what you would like him to buy u.

Another thought, do you actually wear the perfume? If you don’t for good news sake start using it. He probably likes it too and enjoys the fragrance when you’re together! I have a favourite, my husband has a favourite and we buy them for each other. I really think you’re looking for trouble where there is none here.

If he buys a new copy of the record, it will never replace the original. What was the record?

Sod THAT OP. This isnt right.

I’ve just seen that the present is for a woman and yes I would agree that I’d be hurt that. Probably insecure about it as well.

This, no criticism but perhaps he's a bit disappointed by your reaction to his presents.

If he is a good husband in every other way I’d just accept it but then I’m also a horrible gift giver and recipient. Choosing gifts for people gives me so much anxiety cuz I assume they’ll have the same reaction I do, which is generally underwhelm. I no longer put myself through the anxiousness of choosing something that will probably be discarded with out a second thought. I give and ask for vouchers so I can treat myself to a wee spree when I’m in the mood.

Why don’t you just ask him for the receipts?

I can see all the MN man-haters out in force. He can’t buy somebody a leaving gift without having an affair, apparently.

Partners are rubbish at buying presents, just buy what you want.
A cup, badge and a record from their collection wouldn’t be a great present for most and would end up at the charity shop.

Is a present just from him. Or has the team / other colleagues suggested what to buy and he’s the one who’s brought it?

Sounds like you’re wrong and he is great with gifts. Clearly just doesn’t care enough when it comes to you - I think you have your answer…

Well…maybe these gifts will also spend 6months on a shelf…you don’t know do you?
maybe the person isn’t a big fan of that band but did not have at heart to say so…maybe the person for the gin is trying to cut down on alcohol and so on and so on…

the fact is that you are upset about how he is bad at gifting for you and you shouldn’t. Send him a few links of what you want and let him pick so you still have the surprise. Done.
except is to receive gifts is high on your end in terms of choosing a life partner, let it go.

That’s a relief.

Sorry if this has already been asked but is she senior to him? Are the gifts an arse licking career strategy?

I have dropped hints, asked outright for what I would like, all I really want is his time and effort. If he booked dinner out and the cinema or theatre then I would be happy. I would feel seen.

@Cecemonkeylou, I empathize with your feelings of being marginalized and unseen.

While your H is invested in what this woman enjoys in intimate detail, he doesn’t do the same for you. He doesn’t listen to your gift requests/date ideas or engage thoughtfully about what would be really special to you. His detachment and lack of investment speak volumes.

In light of his deep care in selecting her gifts and his venomous response to your honest openness about your hurt, I too would be wondering if he feels more than platonic friendship and has been duping you about her. I recall a thread where the fooled OP was stunned to discover that her partner was besotted and unfaithful with his much older female colleague who took a nurturing approach with him that he found irresistible.

In your case, @Cecemonkeylou, I would be investigating his phone.

OP the merits of the various gifts are not really the point. Rather, watching your DH pack this gift left you longing for him to be more thoughtful and caring and, as you put it, for him to see you. Can you focus on those needs with your DH? It might help to take the focus away from the colleague's gift.

Are there any other ways/instances in which you feel seen by him? Does he do other thoughtful, generous things for you ?

His gift to her and to you sound on par

"He often buys me a perfume that he thinks I like"

I'm guessing you have not been outright with your likes and dislikes. I prefer more practical gifts - I once asked for a 2nd dish washer! He seems to be buying things he thinks you will like - you drink gin so he's bought you gin? Just tell him what you want no more hints.

By the way you have no idea she might not like his choices either - I have a million mugs we all do so I never think mugs are a great gift.

I’d be hurt as well. It’s not what he’s bought that’s the problem, but the effort and thought that’s gone into it.