14 year old boys are a pain in the ass.

Yeah mine too only responds to offers of food

It will pass. It really will.

I think 14 & 15 year olds are inherently self-absorbed - they have a lot going on in terms of changing bodies and brains and their social life is generally more important to them than family time!

I have 5 grown up sons and while they all had their moments, I didn't tolerate rudeness and reminded them that the nice things I did for them (having friends over for band practice, giving lifts, money, phones etc) I didn't have to do and wouldn't do if they were rude, lazy or ungrateful! We always had family mealtimes and often card games after dinner. I always tried to spend 1-1 time with each of them, usually a shopping trip or cinema and lunch out, food and new clothes are pretty good bribes! I think what I learned is that parenting teens is more of a negotiation than a dictatorship and chatting to them about what's going on with school, mates etc over mealtimes helps keep that connection. Mine were often more chatty late in the evening when I was knackered so I'd hang out in the kitchen chatting while they made their late night snacks!

My ds peaked at 12/13, and seemed to have come through it 14 his now much more chilled and pleasant. Don't get me wrong he still huffs and is extremely lazy about things like basic chores but he's not causing us as much worry and pain as he did the previous years.

@Womblingmerrilythe sock thing is easy here, if they're not Nike he's not wearing them.

I hate to say it, I have 15 and 16 year old boys and they are (and always have been) delightful. It's nothing I've done, it's just their nature. I was a horrible 14 year old.

Ì have a 13.5 year old & he's still quite sweet! I hope a flip doesn't switch on his fourteenth birthday....

14 year old boys are just hitting puberty. Their body is not their own - it keeps doing weird things, sprouting hair and one bit growing. Their voice is also doing weird stuff and it's all just embarassing and annoying.

They are wondering what it means to be a man in our society - there are so many mixed messages and so many negative messages. Relationships with others seem incredibly risky, open to mockery and rejection.

They're starting to look to their futures and having to make decisions about options at school, when most of them find it hard to choose their own socks. The future looks pretty scary for them and most have no idea what they are going to do with their lives.

Their parents keep telling them stuff that they think is totally irrelevant and often out of date. They try to be polite but sometimes they're just fed up of being nagged. They're not quite ready to be independent but they're not a child either.

Give them a break. Being 14 boy or girl is pretty tough and I was a particularly obnoxious one. Not sure I'm much better now though.

My 14 year old twin boys are both 50/50 on being grumpy won’t talk why are you still here mum, and lovely nice boys who want to watch tv with me and make me cakes. I can cope if this is as bad as it gets……..

Mine's 17 and it's just wearing off.

Grit your teeth and ignore it. It will pass.

The tone. Oh my God. His tone makes me want to slap him alone never mind what utter tosh comes out of his mouth

I'm no where near this yet with mine (although I'm sure it'll fly), but my nephew is nearly there.

Have you found any good resources yet?

14 yo DS is an absolute delight compared to 17 yo DD! 😳

🥇

Hang on in there! They come back, honestly.
Mine is 18 now and sent me a text out if the blue yesterday telling me how amazing I am, how grateful he is to have me and how much he loves me. And he was fucking vile up until about 2 years ago 😂

I was going to say the same, dds are 21 and 20 and were mostly pretty great tbh, no slamming of doors or shouting or rudeness.
Ds is 13 so fully accept he might change but for now he’s good fun and polite and upbeat. Very relaxed about his attitude to absolutely everything but honestly I’ll take that!

I've had four teenagers - youngest is currently 15.....and they are all very close in age.

They can be charming, very funny and lovely, but you do have to pick your battles! I would echo the advice to find things that you can do together - I am USELESS at computer games, but I used to try and play games with them - that gave them the opportunity to laugh at me with impunity. We insist on eating at a table together, so DH and I would instigate 'compulsory family fun' after supper where we would all play Uno or Dobble - they would moan hugely for the first round but would all enjoy it and ask for 'just one more game' once they all settled down to the sibling banter and it gave them time to let off some steam amongst the schoolwork.

But, parenting teens doesn't start when they are 13, it starts when they are tiny, so we didn't really have any massive issues with them because they knew where the boundaries were and we tried to give where we could and push back where we couldn't....

They’re ok by the time they’re 30 ! 🤣

They do humanize. I think mine was about 16)7 when he became human again

I'm sorry you are struggling, but not all 14 yr olds are like this. DS1 never was, and DS2 isn't (too he still has time).

She really did say that 😁 Also «Why do you keep thinking I need advice? I’m 15 now! » It’s quite funny with hindsight but really wasn’t at the time so good luck to anyone who is still in the middle of it all.

Mine turned into a feral little shit at about 14 and a half and it lasted on and off about 12 - 18 months.

My recommendation is don't rise to it, don't get into arguments, but stand your ground.

If he was huffing about dinner, then I would say fine, don't eat it. But I am not doing anything else later. You know where the cereal is.

If he was not wanting to join in with family stuff, he didn't have to. But if we came home with the remains of a take-away etc., then don't whine as you had the choice to come.

On the days he showed glimpses of normality then I engaged with that as much as possible.
On the days he was unbearable, I didn't provoke, but I took up a hot chocolate and popped it next to him

Ride it out. It comes back round.

😆🤣 human rights to play video games. Love it 😆

Ooof, 14 is hard 😂 been through it twice with one more to go. I once read it’s because their brains rewire every seven years, so 14 would be a rewiring plus hormone explosion.

15 year olds are still a pain in the arse too.