14 year old boys are a pain in the ass.

Mine was like that constantly from about 13-17. He was completely insufferable! He’s in his 20s now and absolutely wonderful. He came round this morning to pick me up and take me out for breakfast, then we went for a walk. He walked by my side and happily conversed with me! We had a laugh remembering the days when he’d walk ten paces behind me and grunt. 😂

It’s not sad it’s mostly normal, my older son was a lovely teen, younger one not so much, if you read up on teenagers what people are describing if very typical

How is it sad?

This is sad. My 14 (nearly 15)yo ds is lovely.

Because it’s literally the hunger games lol 😂 why are they always so hungry 🤣

Omg the socks!! Mine is the same had a huge tantrum in the shop the other day when buying school shoes (£17) when I wouldn’t buy him TWO packs of Nike socks which were like £21 each. I said I’m not spending nearly £50 on socks when the shoes were £17! I got him 1 pack and he threw the shoes on the floor and stormed out of the shop 🙃

They come out of it about age 17. Nothing you can do but ride it out. Take care of yourself. Don’t try and change him or make him spend time with you. Complete waste of time and energy and you will just end up upset. Just keep re assuring him the changes are normal and your here if he wants to spend time. My eldest is 18 now, middle one (son) is 13 and he’s starting to be the same. Age 14 was the worst for me. Buckle up sis and get stocked up with wine and get a few spa days booked in lol x

I’m looking down the barrel of 14 so am here for solidarity and the positive exit stories.

They are still mostly nice to be around and I tell myself to be patient and ignore the ungrateful behaviour (the thing that winds me up the most!) but, man, it is difficult when you’re in the midst of it.

Does he also smell? Mine is now 16 and lovely, funny and very good humored. He was gross until last year though. Sixth form (equivalent as in France) changed everything for the better.

I used to work in a school. Now, whenever anyone starts moaning about their child I just say 'Year 9?'...and it nearly always is.

And it's very child dependent. I have five, now adults. Two were vile, absolutely obnoxious and feral. We had NO money (I was a single mum, their dad moved to the other end of the country and never paid a penny, so it was tough), so couldn't bribe or use food to help grease the wheels. Two were okayish, mostly, and one was a delight and continues to be. But now they are all absolute fabulous, so being dreadful at 14 doesn't seem to be a marker of anything. But gritted teeth - and can I recommend occasional just 'losing of your utter shit'? Sometimes they really do know that they've gone too far....

My ds is 11 but I work with 14 year olds so I feel like im getting a sneak preview of what's to come! Yanbu

According to the book Divas and Doorslammers by Charlie Taylor, the teenage brain is actually retiring during adolescence and it is this that causes them to lose certain abilities during this time - things like impulse and temper control, empathy, not seeing themselves as the sole centre of the universe - he describes it as being akin to temporary brain damage.

But the key word is temporary - once the rewiring settles down, most if not all of these abilities come back.

I went through this particularly with ds3 - his teenage years were very hard work - but it did settle down, in time, and he became the lovely lad he’d always been.

While you are going through the teenage years just remember, it's just natures way of ensuring we kick them out of the 'nest' ! 😂

Snap!! DS turned 13 last week and is still mostly delightful so we showed him these as a defence (!) mechanism hoping that if he sees that adults mock the grumpy teen he will be less likely to confirm the stereotype?! I’ll come back in 18 months laughing ruefully at my niaevity I’m sure!!

Ds1 is 14 now and absolutely lovely 90% of the time but DS2 is 7 and like this already 🥲 I'm dreading his teen years.

Yeah 17/18 I find is when you start to see light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve blocked a lot of my 20 year olds teenage years from memory because he was just awful but he’s mostly returned to the boy he was before he hit his teenage years. My 14 year old is in the thick of it and a total pita although nowhere near as bad as my eldest was.

From around 12 to 15 my daughter was like that. Around 15 and a half she grew out of it and is so much better now. Can still be a bit combative from time to time, but on the whole she’s a pleasure to be around. Better to get it over at that age. I read about 18/19+ year olds on MN behaving like that and that would be so much worse. It’s pretty normal at 14, when you’re a young adult definitely not so normal.

I hate the way people stereotype teens as awful. I know loads of lovely teenagers and sure they all have their moments but so do adults don't they? I don't hold my 15yr old to a higher standard of temper or mood than myself.
Sometimes I snap at him. Sometimes he snaps at me. He always says sorry straight away without being asked to. My husband on the other hand has really shitty moods and never apologises for anything.

My 14 DS has his moments. He won't be glued to his phone as he only gets 2 hours a day and that's it.

If he wants screen time in the evening he has to have done something productive to earn it e.g sports, music practice, cooking etc...

Bad attitude has consequences!

He will sulk about having to do something but ends up enjoying it!

Dear God I wish we had a separate department for ours (with their own student welfare officer that isn't me!)

I've worked in secondary education since 2016 and have a 20yo DD and can honestly say that Year 9 is just a hellscape across the board.

If you've got one that's reasonably pleasant 75% of the time, has ok school attendance/reports and doesn't do anything that is criminal or endangers life and limb...you are winning at parenting!

I have no suggestions for you because my DD is not quite there yet but my goodness these replies are all very scary sounding 🫣😅. My DD has Autism and can already, at 11 have a very rigid attitude... I can't lie, I'm dreading the teenage years and only hope I make it through somehow. My mum does remind me how difficult I was as a teenager with the attitude and back chat 🤣 so I guess it's a rite of passage

Have you listened to the Teen Commandments with Sara Cox and her pal? It’s hilarious and makes you realise you are most definitely not alone in the teenage parenting rollercoaster!