DP kicking off because I’ve cancelled our plans to see friend

To an extent I agree with you. However, we don’t know the full context. We don’t know how long OP’s friend was with her partner. We don’t know why they broke up. We don’t know her mental state. OP says her friend has been there for her too, so maybe she feels like it’s fair to return the favour.

If OP is cancelling dinner because her friend broke up with her boyfriend of 6 weeks then yeah I think ok, maybe you should have just seen your friend another day. But we don’t know the story

Of course they are. They dont need to get their friends to cancel dinner plans to come around (to hang out in pyjamas and eat ice cream out the tub and do hairbrush karaoke or something?). They can get an early night, do some in the shower crying, order a deliveroo and watch a film and then see their friends the next day, when they're free.

Until your last line I was thinking he's entitled to be disappointed if he was looking forward to dinner with you, and you can see friend tomorrow, but that makes.l him sound awful.

Adults are allowed to be hurt and sad if they break up with a partner

I do agree with this. It is okay for them to want a friend to spend the evening, feeling comforted ,but I find it a little needy too when it starts encroaching on other people. Why couldn’t she make Saturday or Sunday? It’s an adult break up, not open heart surgery.

I have been a people pleaser in the past too, and it doesn’t sit well with me to be make myself available 247 for any problem. I am not an emergency service, unless it’s a real health emergency which would be different.

I'm with you OP. Unless it was a special occasion I wouldn't have a problem if my DH asked to change our dinner plans because he'd like to support a friend. We all make compromises every day and this is pretty minor.

It's only moving dinner to the following night, I don't see why it's a big deal. Presumably if you'd made plans with someone else and he needed a bit of support with something he'd expect you to rearrange because it's normal to prioritise someone you care about in their time in need.

Even if you rarely go out for dinner, it's one night of a difference. If I was worrying about a friend I probably wouldn't fully enjoy myself anyway.

I understand his disappointment but his comment about c* is awful. As if she's only upset about not having someone to sleep with, not that she's devastated her future as she saw it has now completely changed. Yes she'll still be upset tomorrow, but she might not be quite as upset after spending time with a friend that she's supported previously.

"Feeling bad" over a break-up isn't an emergency requiring you to cancel plans.

When I was younger I was quite people pleasing and knew people who used their relationship ups and downs as a dominance or attention or control thing....ringing on Xmas day to ask me to intervene in a row they were having.

Regularly having "mental health" breakdowns over their "boyfriends" who were some bloke they'd met on Plenty of fish and known for a month.

We don't live in an episode of Sex and the City.

Especially as everyone gets older we all need to learn to emotionally self-soothe. Those who can't or won't should be avoided.

If someone is feeling bad they can stay in and have an early night.

Back in the real world couples support each other’s friendships… and usually in my case my dh would encourage me to go.

What the hell op, how can you be with a man that says that about your close friend, to your face

How is this okay??

I wouldn't be impressed with my DPs neediness in your situation, it would probably be the start of The Ick tbh. YANBU

The cock comment was disgusting, no excuse for that.

But cancelling plans that he might have been looking forward to wasn’t the nicest thing of you to do. Break ups can be tricky, but it’s not like somebody had died. In his eyes you are prioritising your friend over him. I would be annoyed if my DH did that too.

If he had cancelled the dinner plans to meet his mate down the pub as the mate had just been dumped then no one would be praising him as a great friend and he'd be getting called out for not putting his wife first.

Is your friend a teenage girl?

He sounds revolting but no I wouldnt have changed plans which is a separate thing, it is rude

People break up all the time it was not essential you were there

Do you have a habit of rearranging your dp for other people?

He sounds like a pig

Yes, I'd just have said I was busy tonight, but would see her whenever she wanted tomorrow. It's not as if she's going to feel magically better tomorrow.

So when you asked he if he minded moving dinner plans what did he say?

Surely he either says yes with good grace or no?

Although I wouldn't want to be with someone who spoke about a friend of mine (or anyone!) like that.

Does he know the difference between a relationship & casual sex?

They way he talks about your friend would have given me the ick, you can do better than a man like that come on.

Oh my god! Rearranged dinner plans! /faints/

FFS how low is your opinion of men that an adult male is presumed to be unable to handle a woman prioritizing a friend in need over a dinner?

Sure, but its a break up. Its not like shes been told shes got a week left to live.
She felt terrible yesterday and she'll feel terrible tomorrow. That's breakups flr you.

Cancelling dinner plans because of a friend's breakup just feels a bit reality tv drama.

I think cancelling dinner with your partner depends entirely on a lot of things. If you regularly go out for dinner and it's no big deal, rescheduling is fine. For DH and I, for example, who almost never go out for dinner and it requires military planning with babysitters etc.... I would not cancel dinner out unless I absolutely had to and would be more likely ot say to my friend, "I'll bring wine and pizza tomorrow as I can't tonight."

But your Dp clearly doesn't like your riend or feel very sympathetic and is a bit disgusting with his comments - DH would be very understanding if I had a friend who was struggling. He didn't blink an eye when I dropped everything to support a friend trhough cancer recently - because he also cares about her.

Are you sure that you and your partner are compatible because you sound very nice, decent ans considerate and him.... well, not so much?

If you live with your DP and it isn't a special arrangement then he's a total arse.

If it's a special date he may have a point about cancelling but his comments are still awful and it sounds like you could do better.