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Original poster

DP kicking off because I’ve cancelled our plans to see friend

64 replies

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 13:18

My best friend is going through an awful breakup and has messaged me this morning to say she feels really down and could do with some company tonight. She has been there for me in the past so I asked DP if he’d mind we move our planned dinner to tomorrow (we are both free and the restaurant has availability). He called on my lunch break and got funny with me, said that she can’t expect me to just drop plans and that she’d be better off without her ex. I wasn’t a big fan of him either, but pointed out that’s beyond the point. He said that she ‘wont go short of c**k’ so I should just tell her to go on a night out. I told DP he should be more understanding and that I am going to see her as that’s what friends do.

OP posts:
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bellamorgan · 04/07/2025 19:27

I mean just as dinner will be there tomorrow she will still be just as upset tomorrow. One night of ice cream crying and a movie isn’t going to get her over it.

If she’s a really good friend and again didn’t have prior commitments I’d of done dinner tonight as planned then done an all day and night Saturday.

But then I’m a not cancel plans unless it’s an emergency kind of person mostly.

Disturbia81 · 04/07/2025 19:22

His comment is gross.. he’s saying he finds her attractive.

JHound · 04/07/2025 19:19

The more I read this the more I don’t understand why you want your partner. You asked if he would mind rescheduling and he could have objected in an empathetic manner.

If my partner asked me to reschedule as a friend was struggling, unless it was a very special event I would be absolutely fine with it.

And if I was not I would have many many other humane responses than him. He is gross.

SwanRivers · 04/07/2025 19:14

noidea69 · 04/07/2025 14:03

If he had cancelled the dinner plans to meet his mate down the pub as the mate had just been dumped then no one would be praising him as a great friend and he'd be getting called out for not putting his wife first.

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I agree, so many posters would be belittling his upset friend too.

SwanRivers · 04/07/2025 19:13

Hmm I think the 'You won't go short of cock' comment (which was disgusting) has definitely swayed the vote.

If it wasn't for that I'd say YABU and you could've told your friend you'll see her tomorrow.

PeapodMcgee · 04/07/2025 19:12

I couldn't be attracted to your DP, just reducing your friend to a sex object with no feelings. It's not his choice of language, it's his misogyny. He's revolting.

He doesn't 'forget himself'. This is who he is. Essentially, stop crying and get some cock in you. Horrible.

JHound · 04/07/2025 19:07

noidea69 · 04/07/2025 14:03

If he had cancelled the dinner plans to meet his mate down the pub as the mate had just been dumped then no one would be praising him as a great friend and he'd be getting called out for not putting his wife first.

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Speak for yourself.

JHound · 04/07/2025 19:04

Dozycuntlaters · 04/07/2025 13:27

I'm with your DH to be honest. Yes of course we want to be there for our friends when they're going through a tough time but I wouldn't be cancelling dinner plans with my partner because she wants company. You should have just said sorry I can't come over tonight and then just arranged another time. Are you going to cancel further plans whenever she needs company? Don't be too available. I've known people like this, you jump through hoops for them, and then once life is fine and dandy again you don't see them for dust.

Yes of course, be there for her, but not at the detriment to other relationships, and set some boundaries.

She did not cancel - just asked to move it a day later.

JHound · 04/07/2025 19:02

Gallivanterer · 04/07/2025 13:20

I dont like his last comment, its disgusting.

However I know break ups can be really bad, but i still think you should have honoured your dinner plans with your DP.

She is just asking to move to a different day. It’s not that big a deal.

JHound · 04/07/2025 19:00

Your DP is a c*ck. Really gross and why does he think that “not being short of cock” is something to aspire to?

tuvamoodyson · 04/07/2025 19:00

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 18:18

He can be slightly ‘robust’ in his language on all subjects to be honest - he works around blokes all day in a sales role and forgets himself. He knows I don’t approve.

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…but does it anyway. I couldn’t be with someone who talks in this way.

Original poster
IzzyN · 04/07/2025 18:53

LittlleMy · 04/07/2025 18:41

I don’t think that excuses him tbh - it’s more the complete lack of empathy and the sentiment behind the cock comment 😬

Good for you for being there for your friend though

Edited
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Yes, it certainly isn’t how I would have said ‘she’s a pretty lady and when she’s ready to date again I’m sure somebody will be lucky to have her’!

OP posts:
LittlleMy · 04/07/2025 18:41

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 18:18

He can be slightly ‘robust’ in his language on all subjects to be honest - he works around blokes all day in a sales role and forgets himself. He knows I don’t approve.

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I don’t think that excuses him tbh - it’s more the complete lack of empathy and the sentiment behind the cock comment 😬

Good for you for being there for your friend though

FloofyBird · 04/07/2025 18:23

I'd take his advice and go out with her

Original poster
IzzyN · 04/07/2025 18:18

Howareyoufeelingtoday · 04/07/2025 15:43

Well I don't think you should have cancelled your plans but your partner is disgusting.
Does he always talk about all women in such a crude way or is it just your friend?
What a repulsive man.

He can be slightly ‘robust’ in his language on all subjects to be honest - he works around blokes all day in a sales role and forgets himself. He knows I don’t approve.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 16:48

I guess it depends if you ditching him last minute in favour of friends is a regular thing or not. As a rare circumstance it’s acceptable to ask to rearrange something that can be easily rearranged to support a friend in distress. Your DP sounds very selfish, and what he said about your friend is really vile, that would put me right off him.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 04/07/2025 15:53

For a good friend, I would absolutely be there for her in a heartbeat.
It's not like it was an anniversary or a birthday.

Me and DH have cancelled plans before when something else has come up... It's never a big deal.

In fact he would encourage me to be there for my friend. A 4 year relationship is a long time, a lot of people are married with a kid that far into one.

dogcatkitten · 04/07/2025 15:50

He was looking forward to the night out and you've dumped him for a friend which is pretty insulting. OK you can re-arrange, but why not re-arrange friend instead? How would you feel if he dumped you for a friend?

HistoricalOrchard · 04/07/2025 15:48

I get he might be disappointed but the decent thing for him was to say “I’ve been really looking forward to this dinner with you. Could you go and spend tomorrow with your friend instead?” Instead of that vulgar disgusting comment about your friend. That would really put me off dinner with him.

Howareyoufeelingtoday · 04/07/2025 15:43

Well I don't think you should have cancelled your plans but your partner is disgusting.
Does he always talk about all women in such a crude way or is it just your friend?
What a repulsive man.

ForGreatFox · 04/07/2025 14:46

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 14:41

They were together for over 4 years - totally get the point if it was a really short relationship

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Well I think you did the right thing. I would definitely go and see my friend personally, AND my DH would definitely encourage me to go too. As I would if his friend had been dumped after 4 years.

You say you were both free tomorrow so your DP is just being a cry baby. The comment he made about your friend though was really disgusting

LizzieSiddal · 04/07/2025 14:44

Yuck, your partner sounds like a knob.

Original poster
IzzyN · 04/07/2025 14:41

ForGreatFox · 04/07/2025 14:36

To an extent I agree with you. However, we don’t know the full context. We don’t know how long OP’s friend was with her partner. We don’t know why they broke up. We don’t know her mental state. OP says her friend has been there for her too, so maybe she feels like it’s fair to return the favour.

If OP is cancelling dinner because her friend broke up with her boyfriend of 6 weeks then yeah I think ok, maybe you should have just seen your friend another day. But we don’t know the story

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They were together for over 4 years - totally get the point if it was a really short relationship

OP posts:
MakeItToTheMoon · 04/07/2025 14:40

Why is he so hostile towards her? I wonder if it was any other friend would he behave this way?

noidea69 · 04/07/2025 14:37

Soulfulunfurling · 04/07/2025 14:19

Back in the real world couples support each other’s friendships… and usually in my case my dh would encourage me to go.

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would you encourage him to go though?

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