Page 3 | why is called the SCs home when it isn't?

cardycard · 2025-07-04T11:55:41+00:00

I keep seeing this scenario. Woman with her own house. She is paying for the bills. Her DP moves in. His kids come EOW. Why do so many people say it is the SC's home?

wordler · 05/07/2025 20:33

cardycard · 05/07/2025 20:27

Yes, it’s true that many people live in insecure housing situations, like adult children living with parents or tenants on short leases. But the key difference is that in those cases, there’s usually a clear understanding of rights and expectations, either through family agreements, rental contracts or legal protections. Even if their home is insecure, they know where they stand.

In a situation where a man moves into his partner’s home, there’s often no formal agreement at all. His right to stay depends entirely on the goodwill of the homeowner, with no legal or contractual standing. This creates a unique kind of insecurity, especially for his children who may be led to believe they have a stable home when they actually don’t.

Acknowledging this insecurity isn’t about semantics. It’s about protecting children from being blindsided if the relationship ends and they suddenly lose what they thought was their second home. Being honest about the difference between a secure and an insecure home helps everyone make informed decisions.

I agree that parents should think carefully before moving into someone else’s home with their children, but pretending the place is unquestionably the children’s home just because they sleep there ignores the real emotional and practical risks they face.

Show quote history

Does the Dad consider it his home?
Does the partner consider it the Dad's home?

Or have the couple come to a temporary living arrangement that the Dad knows is temporary.

Or have they decided to move in together and share a life together?

I've asked you this question several times now, why can't you answer it?

Original poster

cardycard · 05/07/2025 20:27

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/07/2025 20:25

A lot of people live in homes they can be told to leave at any time. Adult children living with parents for example. Plenty of people have insecure homes. Doesn’t make them not their homes, just makes them insecure homes. If you go through all your posts and change every single instance where you used the word “home” to “secure home” you will indeed have a point. Personally I think that man or women with existing children should be wary of putting themselves in a vulnerable position like this.

Show quote history

Yes, it’s true that many people live in insecure housing situations, like adult children living with parents or tenants on short leases. But the key difference is that in those cases, there’s usually a clear understanding of rights and expectations, either through family agreements, rental contracts or legal protections. Even if their home is insecure, they know where they stand.

In a situation where a man moves into his partner’s home, there’s often no formal agreement at all. His right to stay depends entirely on the goodwill of the homeowner, with no legal or contractual standing. This creates a unique kind of insecurity, especially for his children who may be led to believe they have a stable home when they actually don’t.

Acknowledging this insecurity isn’t about semantics. It’s about protecting children from being blindsided if the relationship ends and they suddenly lose what they thought was their second home. Being honest about the difference between a secure and an insecure home helps everyone make informed decisions.

I agree that parents should think carefully before moving into someone else’s home with their children, but pretending the place is unquestionably the children’s home just because they sleep there ignores the real emotional and practical risks they face.

OP posts:

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/07/2025 20:25

cardycard · 05/07/2025 20:16

While dictionary definitions describe “home” broadly as a place of residence, real-life context matters far more than abstract definitions. Legally and practically, there’s a difference between a place you have the right to call home through ownership, tenancy, or other security and a place where you’re staying only because someone else allows it.

If a man moves into a woman’s house that she alone owns or rents, his ability to stay hinges entirely on her continuing agreement. That lack of security makes it fundamentally different from a true home, which should offer stability and certainty. Calling it his home just because he resides there overlooks the power imbalance and the reality that he can be told to leave at any time.

For children, it’s even more important. Kids need consistency and a sense of safety. If they spend limited time there and their main residence, school address, and social life are elsewhere, the woman’s house is not truly their home. It’s a place they visit. Suggesting it’s cruel or unwelcoming to acknowledge this reality ignores the very real risks of giving children false security in a place they could lose overnight if the adults’ relationship breaks down.

Wanting clarity doesn’t mean wanting to make kids feel unwelcome. It means being honest and responsible so they aren’t misled.

Show quote history

A lot of people live in homes they can be told to leave at any time. Adult children living with parents for example. Plenty of people have insecure homes. Doesn’t make them not their homes, just makes them insecure homes. If you go through all your posts and change every single instance where you used the word “home” to “secure home” you will indeed have a point. Personally I think that man or women with existing children should be wary of putting themselves in a vulnerable position like this.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 05/07/2025 20:20

Op are you the mum or step mum in this scenario?

Original poster

cardycard · 05/07/2025 20:16

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/07/2025 20:13

Well after a bit of googling, the Oxford English Dictionary defines a home as a domicile / place of residence. Having looked at quite a few different definitions from different websites, it is all about the place where a person resides, some even describe it as a permanent or temporary place of residence. No reference whatsoever to ownership or legal right to live there.

Going with what was an uncontested definition of home from my quick search, if a man moves into a woman’s house that she owns/rents in her own name, the fact that he resides there makes it his home, by dictionary definition. As to any children he has, I’d say it depends if they spend enough time there to be regarded as living there. They should view it as their Dad’s home because it is, and I’d hope that they would feel able to be at home there even if it is not their main residence.

So yes, you can argue that if they mainly reside somewhere else, and their recorded address for things like doctors and schools is somewhere else, then no it’s not their home. However, it is their dads home, and they should be able to treat their dads home as their own. Frankly this whole thread is just an excuse to make kids feel unwelcome and unwanted.

If you are a woman who owns or rents a house on your own, do not have a man who has kids move in with you unless you are prepared to welcome them into your home as their home.

While dictionary definitions describe “home” broadly as a place of residence, real-life context matters far more than abstract definitions. Legally and practically, there’s a difference between a place you have the right to call home through ownership, tenancy, or other security and a place where you’re staying only because someone else allows it.

If a man moves into a woman’s house that she alone owns or rents, his ability to stay hinges entirely on her continuing agreement. That lack of security makes it fundamentally different from a true home, which should offer stability and certainty. Calling it his home just because he resides there overlooks the power imbalance and the reality that he can be told to leave at any time.

For children, it’s even more important. Kids need consistency and a sense of safety. If they spend limited time there and their main residence, school address, and social life are elsewhere, the woman’s house is not truly their home. It’s a place they visit. Suggesting it’s cruel or unwelcoming to acknowledge this reality ignores the very real risks of giving children false security in a place they could lose overnight if the adults’ relationship breaks down.

Wanting clarity doesn’t mean wanting to make kids feel unwelcome. It means being honest and responsible so they aren’t misled.

OP posts:

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/07/2025 20:13

Well after a bit of googling, the Oxford English Dictionary defines a home as a domicile / place of residence. Having looked at quite a few different definitions from different websites, it is all about the place where a person resides, some even describe it as a permanent or temporary place of residence. No reference whatsoever to ownership or legal right to live there.

Going with what was an uncontested definition of home from my quick search, if a man moves into a woman’s house that she owns/rents in her own name, the fact that he resides there makes it his home, by dictionary definition. As to any children he has, I’d say it depends if they spend enough time there to be regarded as living there. They should view it as their Dad’s home because it is, and I’d hope that they would feel able to be at home there even if it is not their main residence.

So yes, you can argue that if they mainly reside somewhere else, and their recorded address for things like doctors and schools is somewhere else, then no it’s not their home. However, it is their dads home, and they should be able to treat their dads home as their own. Frankly this whole thread is just an excuse to make kids feel unwelcome and unwanted.

If you are a woman who owns or rents a house on your own, do not have a man who has kids move in with you unless you are prepared to welcome them into your home as their home.

wordler · 05/07/2025 19:55

cardycard · 05/07/2025 19:44

I see what you mean, but I don’t think it’s the same situation. If you rent from a housing association, you have a legal right to live there, which gives you security and makes it your home in a real sense.

In this case, the father has no ownership or tenancy rights. He’s staying in his partner’s house by her choice, and the children are visiting when he’s there. That’s very different from having a rental agreement or ownership because if the relationship ends or she asks him to leave, neither he nor the children have any right to stay.

That uncertainty makes it more like a temporary arrangement than a true home for the children.

Show quote history

Is it considered the Dad's home while he is living there?

Or is it a temporary arrangement that he knows is a temporary arrangement?

Notafanofheat · 05/07/2025 19:52

Since my son was born we moved 3 times all but current renting. The last house to my son and us was home as we lived there for 5yrs. We bought this one but won’t live here this long as we’ll need to move…however this is still home and to my daughter the only home she knows…I do very much ascribe to the saying that home is where your heart is - it has nothing to do with property ownership and all to do with people and feeling.
In your case, I’d say that if the relationship was long lasting, the children felt welcome in the partner’s house and “at home” so to say - it was their home. If they felt like they’re always an intrusion then it was not their home. Is the issue centring on you breaking up with your partner and him telling you: “how can you take away the children’s home?” In such case it’s ridiculous emotional blackmail and them feeling it’s their home doesn’t put any responsibility on you to stay in the relationship or keep providing for the children. My son misses our last house, I acknowledge his feelings, but it does not mean we shouldn’t have moved…

Original poster

cardycard · 05/07/2025 19:44

itsgettingweird · 05/07/2025 19:39

It’s the father’s home. It’s the children’s home.

It may be the woman’s house.

But if you live somewhere it’s home.

I’ve lived in my home for 17 years.

it’s not my house though as I rent it from the HA.

I see what you mean, but I don’t think it’s the same situation. If you rent from a housing association, you have a legal right to live there, which gives you security and makes it your home in a real sense.

In this case, the father has no ownership or tenancy rights. He’s staying in his partner’s house by her choice, and the children are visiting when he’s there. That’s very different from having a rental agreement or ownership because if the relationship ends or she asks him to leave, neither he nor the children have any right to stay.

That uncertainty makes it more like a temporary arrangement than a true home for the children.

OP posts:

itsgettingweird · 05/07/2025 19:39

It’s the father’s home. It’s the children’s home.

It may be the woman’s house.

But if you live somewhere it’s home.

I’ve lived in my home for 17 years.

it’s not my house though as I rent it from the HA.

Doitrightnow · 05/07/2025 19:32

My parents divorced. My Dad had a room for me but I literally never stayed there (he only moved just down the road) and certainly never viewed it as my home.

I doubt my EOW SC would say our house is home either, although again we have a room for them.

But I do think it's an obligation to fathers to ensure they have a safe and welcoming place for their kids.

DearDenimEagle · 05/07/2025 19:16

cardycard · 05/07/2025 18:14

I don’t think it’s about hating the kids at all. It’s just a fact that until there’s a committed agreement like marriage or a shared household, it isn’t really the children’s home. Yes, kids might casually call it home when they sleep there, but that doesn’t make it their home in the sense of having security, permanence or a place where they truly belong.

The difference matters because it affects their sense of stability. If things go wrong in the relationship, they could lose what they thought was a home overnight. That’s why it’s important for adults to be clear about what the arrangement is and what the children can expect so they aren’t misled into thinking they have a home where they don’t.

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“That’s why it’s important for adults to be clear about what the arrangement is and what the children can expect so they aren’t misled into thinking they have a home where they don’t” ...I’ve already said that up there ^.

So if the adults do that, then there’s no point to the thread.

wordler · 05/07/2025 18:17

cardycard · 05/07/2025 18:14

I don’t think it’s about hating the kids at all. It’s just a fact that until there’s a committed agreement like marriage or a shared household, it isn’t really the children’s home. Yes, kids might casually call it home when they sleep there, but that doesn’t make it their home in the sense of having security, permanence or a place where they truly belong.

The difference matters because it affects their sense of stability. If things go wrong in the relationship, they could lose what they thought was a home overnight. That’s why it’s important for adults to be clear about what the arrangement is and what the children can expect so they aren’t misled into thinking they have a home where they don’t.

Show quote history

Is it the Dad’s home?

Or is he a temporary guest?

Original poster

cardycard · 05/07/2025 18:14

DearDenimEagle · 05/07/2025 17:41

You called them SC ; I didn’t.

Kids will call it home if they sleep there. It’s a turn of phrase. It doesn’t give them legal rights, it is just a term rather than saying, longwindedly, I’m going back to my father’s girlfriend’s house. Semantics. Stop getting your knickers in a twist about a word people use to describe where they’re sleeping. If you’re so upset about the word, maybe you should not ever be in a relationship with a father…in fact, you should never have started this relationship at all. Does the father get to call it home, I wonder?

Everyone acknowledges, children of a partner have no legal rights to a house, but calling it home when they sleep there should not be offensive to the homeowner. Theyre children. If you hate them so much, and you resent them so much then dump the father and have your house and home to yourself.
I’ve read all your posts and I gather you are only interested in posts which validate your hatred of these children.

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s about hating the kids at all. It’s just a fact that until there’s a committed agreement like marriage or a shared household, it isn’t really the children’s home. Yes, kids might casually call it home when they sleep there, but that doesn’t make it their home in the sense of having security, permanence or a place where they truly belong.

The difference matters because it affects their sense of stability. If things go wrong in the relationship, they could lose what they thought was a home overnight. That’s why it’s important for adults to be clear about what the arrangement is and what the children can expect so they aren’t misled into thinking they have a home where they don’t.

OP posts:

NoisyGoldMember · 05/07/2025 17:45

Who is saying it’s the SC home? If the dad isn’t paying bills it isn’t his home.

wordler · 05/07/2025 17:43

cardycard · 05/07/2025 16:41

Even if the kids sleep there sometimes, it doesn’t automatically make it their home. Their dad’s partner owns the place and has no legal or parental responsibility for them. They aren’t stepchildren yet because there’s no marriage. Until that happens, they’re just their dad’s kids visiting where he lives.

Show quote history

Is it the Dad’s home while he lives there?

DearDenimEagle · 05/07/2025 17:41

cardycard · 05/07/2025 16:41

Even if the kids sleep there sometimes, it doesn’t automatically make it their home. Their dad’s partner owns the place and has no legal or parental responsibility for them. They aren’t stepchildren yet because there’s no marriage. Until that happens, they’re just their dad’s kids visiting where he lives.

Show quote history

You called them SC ; I didn’t.

Kids will call it home if they sleep there. It’s a turn of phrase. It doesn’t give them legal rights, it is just a term rather than saying, longwindedly, I’m going back to my father’s girlfriend’s house. Semantics. Stop getting your knickers in a twist about a word people use to describe where they’re sleeping. If you’re so upset about the word, maybe you should not ever be in a relationship with a father…in fact, you should never have started this relationship at all. Does the father get to call it home, I wonder?

Everyone acknowledges, children of a partner have no legal rights to a house, but calling it home when they sleep there should not be offensive to the homeowner. Theyre children. If you hate them so much, and you resent them so much then dump the father and have your house and home to yourself.
I’ve read all your posts and I gather you are only interested in posts which validate your hatred of these children.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/07/2025 17:39

Pretty much every home is temporary. I moved out of my parents place when I became an adult, does that mean their house was not my home? My grandma spent the last couple of years of her life in a nursing home, does that mean the house she lived in for over fifty years was just a temporary home? What about the bungalow she moved to for a couple of years before the nursing home? What about when she went into the nursing home and my DH rented the bungalow off her for a year before it sold, was it our home, was it her home because she owned it, was it anyone’s home, in which case were we all homeless at this point? My DH and I, and our kids, moved into a rental property for six months while we were doing an extension. That was definitely a temporary home, but it was still very much our home for those six months. You seem very hung up on this one specific case, whereas there are many situations where a home could be described as temporary. A temporary home is still a home. The important thing is that children feel comfortable in their home. It may not last, few things do, but a home is where you retreat to rest, which can be Dad’s girlfriends house just as easily as anywhere else.

DaisyChain505 · 05/07/2025 17:38

Maybe stop talking in riddles and being so vague about the situation and people might be able to give you a more objective opinion.

Tekknonan · 05/07/2025 17:36

Wow! You really don't like stepkids, do you?

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 17:21

Well if they’re not married, they’re not Stepchildren and that’s a whole different story. Their Dad’s girlfriend’s house isn’t necessarily their home even if they stay over. But in the event of a committed relationship/marriage the woman should accept the children as part of the deal, and if she isn’t prepared to (and that’s perfectly fine) then she shouldn’t marry or commit to him. She should find a childless partner, or the children will end up very damaged from feeling unwanted.

If the woman is feeling that way now, it’s best that he finds his own place to live until she’s ready to blend their lives.

Original poster

cardycard · 05/07/2025 16:41

DearDenimEagle · 05/07/2025 13:43

She’s called them SC . Isn’t that stepchildren? And they’re only step children if she’s the stepmother , which she becomes on marriage. Surely you wouldn’t get to that stage, or even living together, where they aren’t yet SC but the partner’s children, without having the conversation about the children and visitation? And children will call wherever they sleep at the time, home.
OP sounds distinctly unpleasant to me..not because she doesn’t want children, but because it seems there are children who have been allowed to think they are welcomed when they aren’t. Like the children have overstepped some unseen boundary. That’s the fault of adults. Children have little power over their lives and responsible parents put them first in providing security to have somewhere to call home

Even if the kids sleep there sometimes, it doesn’t automatically make it their home. Their dad’s partner owns the place and has no legal or parental responsibility for them. They aren’t stepchildren yet because there’s no marriage. Until that happens, they’re just their dad’s kids visiting where he lives.

OP posts:

zaxxon · 05/07/2025 16:27

My theory is that OP is either:

A. a woman who has recently dumped her partner, and asked him to leave, and consequently received an earful of bitter accusations from him about "depriving my children of their home!"

B. a man who has been recently dumped by his female partner, and wants to accuse her of same so as to guilt her out

Based on OP's responses I'd guess A. But it's a bit of a pointless thread. Even if she waves her phone in her ex's face, saying "but 76% of MN think it's only a TEMPORARY home!", it won't make a shred of difference to how he feels or acts.

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 14:33

cardycard · 05/07/2025 13:33

So it is a temporary home then?

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Aren’t all our childrens’ homes temporary? They’ll all leave one day.

You sound like you’re taking out your (legitimate) anger against your DP against his children. Why do you consider your home to be his home when he isn’t contributing?

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 05/07/2025 14:10

Surely if a woman who owns a house moves her partner in - who has his children stay EOW - then the fact that the children will be coming to this house EOW would be clearly discussed and arrangements ( bed,rooms etc) made…
May not be Dad’s house - but if it’s Dad’s home, then it is also the children’s home when they are seeing Dad…
If the relationship ends, Dad needs a new home….
Not complicated surely…..?