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Original poster

why is called the SCs home when it isn't?

415 replies

cardycard · 04/07/2025 12:55

I keep seeing this scenario.

Woman with her own house. She is paying for the bills. Her DP moves in. His kids come EOW. Why do so many people say it is the SC's home?

OP posts:
WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 04/07/2025 14:47

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:44

With a mortgage or marriage, a commitment is made. Just moving in with someone is not really a commitment.

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If the ‘someone’ has responsibility for children, that inherently means it is in fact a big commitment.

Staffling · 04/07/2025 14:46

cardycard · 04/07/2025 13:30

Just living somewhere makes it the children's home even though the child's father contributed nothing?

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Yes of course. The key word is that they are "living" there. If the father contributes or not is between him and his partner. It's got nothing to do with his kids.

Miyagi99 · 04/07/2025 14:46

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:44

With a mortgage or marriage, a commitment is made. Just moving in with someone is not really a commitment.

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It is when one or both of you have children.

Greencustardmonster · 04/07/2025 14:45

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:35

It becomes their home but the woman can ask the father/children to leave at any time. Not really much of a home then?

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DH and I are married and we are the biological parents of both of our children. If we split up we would have to sell the house though and the kids would have to move.

Should I tell my kids they are homeless because their home depends on an adult’s relationship and therefore is “temporary”?!

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:44

Miyagi99 · 04/07/2025 14:38

But lots of people can be asked to leave their homes, including people with a mortgage, they are still their homes. And children especially will feel that as they only ever have a home where their parent’s reside. It’s normal to feel upset if you have to leave your home but that’s life. And children won’t be made homeless I should hope.

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With a mortgage or marriage, a commitment is made. Just moving in with someone is not really a commitment.

OP posts:
WideawakeinSanDiego · 04/07/2025 14:43

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:37

So it is not his home then?

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It is his home whilst he lives there. But if he does not own the home he has no say over the property.

Anyone who lives somewhere for more than a few weeks would refer to it as 'home' but if they don't own it they know they have no say over it.

Petitchat · 04/07/2025 14:43

slowraindrop · 04/07/2025 13:48

It’s this sort of view that makes me hope to God that my husband and I don’t break up / die whilst our DCs are young. The thought of a new partner thinking about them like this makes me really sad.

Same here, even though our DC are now grown.
It's all quite depressing isn't it?

VisitationRights · 04/07/2025 14:42

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:36

The woman owns the property. Her name is on the deeds. The man moved in and brings his children there. His name is not on anything.

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Is he allowed to call it his home in your scenario or is only the woman allowed to call it home? If he can’t call it home and he doesn’t have a place to live is he homeless even when he goes and sleeps at her house every night?

Miyagi99 · 04/07/2025 14:41

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:37

So it is not his home then?

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People have told you over and over again that there is a difference between ownership and living somewhere that is your home but you are not listening.

Alltheyellowbirds · 04/07/2025 14:41

What a strange question. Was it prompted by something specific OP?

Of course a child’s home is wherever their parents are. If their parents are separated and splitting custody they will have a home with dad and a home with mum.

Whether mum or dad live alone or move in with new partners makes no difference - their home is still the child’s home. Unless some unusual circumstances the child would have a bedroom in each parent’s house.

If this isn’t what you thought happened, what DID you think?

ClaudiaWankleman · 04/07/2025 14:39

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:35

It becomes their home but the woman can ask the father/children to leave at any time. Not really much of a home then?

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Are you intentionally just going around in circles or are you really unable to understand?

What answer are you hoping to hear?

Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 14:39

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:37

So it is not his home then?

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It is his home because he is living as a (hopefully) ,equal partnership. Why would you move a boyfriend in if you didn't want to share a life and home with him?

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 04/07/2025 14:39

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:37

So it is not his home then?

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Are you genuinely cognitively unable to understand that you’re mixing up two separate things? You can’t just wave a wand and redefine the meanings of words to suit yourself.

Miyagi99 · 04/07/2025 14:38

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:35

It becomes their home but the woman can ask the father/children to leave at any time. Not really much of a home then?

Show quote history

But lots of people can be asked to leave their homes, including people with a mortgage, they are still their homes. And children especially will feel that as they only ever have a home where their parent’s reside. It’s normal to feel upset if you have to leave your home but that’s life. And children won’t be made homeless I should hope.

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:38

HelloGreen · 04/07/2025 14:30

You’re just goading now OP.

Leave the thread then. It is not compulsory to stay 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:37

WideawakeinSanDiego · 04/07/2025 14:31

It is his home but he doesn't own it unless the owner puts his name on the deeds.

So it is not his home then?

OP posts:
Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:36

WideawakeinSanDiego · 04/07/2025 14:33

Who owns the property?

The woman owns the property. Her name is on the deeds. The man moved in and brings his children there. His name is not on anything.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 14:36

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:33

Losing what they thought was their home is devastating as they have been led to believe it is their home and then they lost it.

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They didn't lose it their dad moved out as I said people move "beloved" houses all the time.

DumdumSpiroSpero · 04/07/2025 14:35

"Home is where, if you have to go there, they have to take you in"

What you are describing is your property, your house, your home. It's not your partner's house or property, but for now it is his home because he lives there with you. And EOW it is his children's home because they live part time with their father. Their primary home is probably with their mother, but your place is their home too- so long as their father lives there. Once they are adult I guess you could decide you don't have to take them in but for now, they are part of the package, and you do.

I hope you can find it in your heart to help them feel safe, settled and welcome. It's a hard situation for them and no fault of theirs.

CommissarySushi · 04/07/2025 14:35

What are you actually on about? You just keep repeating yourself and ignoring everyone.

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:35

Muffinmam · 04/07/2025 14:27

Yes.

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It becomes their home but the woman can ask the father/children to leave at any time. Not really much of a home then?

OP posts:
Melonmango70 · 04/07/2025 14:35

This is the most hair-splitting post I've ever read.

HelloGreen · 04/07/2025 14:35

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:33

Losing what they thought was their home is devastating as they have been led to believe it is their home and then they lost it.

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Have you ever actually met a child? You don’t seem to understand them at all.

NamelessNancy · 04/07/2025 14:34

So renters are not providing their children with a home? How odd/rude! How about a mortgaged property. If it's not owned outright is that also a temporary home as the bank has a charge on the property?

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:33

Greencustardmonster · 04/07/2025 14:25

No, I think the kids are going to be pretty well messed up by this situation however pedantic you want to be with words. I don’t think it matters whether it’s called their home, Dad’s home, Dad’s temporary home, Dad’s Girlfriend’s home or Alcatraz, the kids are going to be far more messed up by the bizarre attitude of what I presume is their Dad’s girlfriend.

Edited
Show quote history

Losing what they thought was their home is devastating as they have been led to believe it is their home and then they lost it.

OP posts:
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