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Original poster

why is called the SCs home when it isn't?

415 replies

cardycard · 04/07/2025 12:55

I keep seeing this scenario.

Woman with her own house. She is paying for the bills. Her DP moves in. His kids come EOW. Why do so many people say it is the SC's home?

OP posts:
Kbroughton · 04/07/2025 15:05

Avantiagain · 04/07/2025 14:59

I don't get the point of this thread.

No one does. And we are not supposed to ask.

thepariscrimefiles · 04/07/2025 15:04

Is this a hypothetical or a personal situation?

There is a current thread on the Step-parenting board where a poster who is married to her DH let her step-daughter move in at her DH's request and she has trashed her home and made allegations about OP's son. The girl's social worker had told OP that she has to let her DH and his daughter stay with her, despite her dangerous behaviour, because it is the marital home, even though her DH contributed nothing to the house and they have only been married a year (short marriage).

Are you in a similar situation?

Alltheyellowbirds · 04/07/2025 15:04

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:51

How long should it be kept secret from them?

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What on earth are you on about? The kids don’t care who pays the bills. They just care that they have a safe and welcoming place to stay when it is their weekend to be with their Dad.

I may be wildly off-track but… is this about you OP? Your boyfriend has moved in with you and you are concerned his children now have a legal claim on your home? Because if that’s it you can calm down, they don’t. When we’re saying it’s “their home”, we don’t mean they now own it.

Just that it’s, well, it’s their home. As in the place they live, have their bedroom, keep their stuff, spend time with their Dad.

I hope you’re more welcoming to them than you’re coming across here, and not telling that it’s “only temporary”. Because that would be really shitty.

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 15:00

Alltheyellowbirds · 04/07/2025 14:57

Yes but while he IS living there it is his home, so it is theirs also.

I don’t get why this is hard?

Or why you are so obsessed with what happened when he moves out - most people don’t move in with someone already planning for the relationship to break down.

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most people don’t move in with someone already planning for the relationship to break down.

True but one has to be realistic. A significant number of relationships do come to an end so the children may have several 'homes'.

OP posts:
Avantiagain · 04/07/2025 14:59

I don't get the point of this thread.

Alltheyellowbirds · 04/07/2025 14:57

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:52

But she can ask him and his children to leave anytime, so then he will have to leave his home. Just a temporary home then.

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Yes but while he IS living there it is his home, so it is theirs also.

I don’t get why this is hard?

Or why you are so obsessed with what happened when he moves out - most people don’t move in with someone already planning for the relationship to break down.

WideawakeinSanDiego · 04/07/2025 14:57

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:50

Let's say it is a commitment. The woman can ask him and his kids to leave whenever she wants as she is the owner of the property and he is not. This kind of commitment does not give any rights or protection.

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Yes the owner of the property has the rights. Why would you think otherwise? Changing the deeds or getting married changes the situation.

A 'commitment' does not change the law.

Petitchat · 04/07/2025 14:56

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:51

How long should it be kept secret from them?

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It's not a secret. It's just part of a stable, worry free childhood that most of us want for our kids.
When or if they start asking, then it can be discussed.

CommissarySushi · 04/07/2025 14:55

You're clearly batshit, op

Waterbaby41 · 04/07/2025 14:55

Why are you asking?

Ellie1015 · 04/07/2025 14:53

Realistically if it is EOW the kids probably feel like resident patents is home. And they are going to "their dad's" for the weekend. As the dad or step parent i would want them to feel at home as much as possible.

Situations can always change being at home is a feeling rather than being a visitor. Ie help yourself to drink or snack (within reason), chill out in your room or on the couch. Not visitor coming to chit chat and wait to be offered anything. Equally tidy up after themselves too.

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:52

Iambouddicca · 04/07/2025 14:51

Yes

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But she can ask him and his children to leave anytime, so then he will have to leave his home. Just a temporary home then.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 14:52

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:50

Let's say it is a commitment. The woman can ask him and his kids to leave whenever she wants as she is the owner of the property and he is not. This kind of commitment does not give any rights or protection.

Show quote history

You have said this already

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:51

Petitchat · 04/07/2025 14:50

I agree.
The kids shouldn't even know who is paying for the home, bills, etc.
To them it should just be "home"

Hopefully...

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How long should it be kept secret from them?

OP posts:
Iambouddicca · 04/07/2025 14:51

cardycard · 04/07/2025 13:28

So because he moves in with someone into a house that he did not pay for, then suddenly it becomes his childrens home too?

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Yes

Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 14:51

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:49

Are both your names on the property? Do you have equal ownership?

It is not comparable when you are both married with I assume equal ownership of the property with shared biological children 🙄

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So you don't think separated/divorced people should have new partners OR married with children shouldn't get divorced,?

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:50

Livpool · 04/07/2025 14:48

Of course it’s a commitment!

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Let's say it is a commitment. The woman can ask him and his kids to leave whenever she wants as she is the owner of the property and he is not. This kind of commitment does not give any rights or protection.

OP posts:
Petitchat · 04/07/2025 14:50

Staffling · 04/07/2025 14:46

Yes of course. The key word is that they are "living" there. If the father contributes or not is between him and his partner. It's got nothing to do with his kids.

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I agree.
The kids shouldn't even know who is paying for the home, bills, etc.
To them it should just be "home"

Hopefully...

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 04/07/2025 14:50

There’s no point in this everyone, OP’s comprehension is too low. Either not genuine or just unable to take in new ideas

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:49

Greencustardmonster · 04/07/2025 14:45

DH and I are married and we are the biological parents of both of our children. If we split up we would have to sell the house though and the kids would have to move.

Should I tell my kids they are homeless because their home depends on an adult’s relationship and therefore is “temporary”?!

Show quote history

Are both your names on the property? Do you have equal ownership?

It is not comparable when you are both married with I assume equal ownership of the property with shared biological children 🙄

OP posts:
Greencustardmonster · 04/07/2025 14:49

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:44

With a mortgage or marriage, a commitment is made. Just moving in with someone is not really a commitment.

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Living with some else’s kids, or taking your kids to go and live with someone else, is a fairly massive commitment though. Or at least it should be.

Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 14:48

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:44

With a mortgage or marriage, a commitment is made. Just moving in with someone is not really a commitment.

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Isn't it ? It could lead to marraige or a committed long term relationship, is marraige your default for commitment,?

Livpool · 04/07/2025 14:48

cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:44

With a mortgage or marriage, a commitment is made. Just moving in with someone is not really a commitment.

Show quote history

Of course it’s a commitment!

Avantiagain · 04/07/2025 14:47

"With a mortgage or marriage, a commitment is made. Just moving in with someone is not really a commitment."

It is when there are kids involved.

Original poster
cardycard · 04/07/2025 14:47

WideawakeinSanDiego · 04/07/2025 14:43

It is his home whilst he lives there. But if he does not own the home he has no say over the property.

Anyone who lives somewhere for more than a few weeks would refer to it as 'home' but if they don't own it they know they have no say over it.

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So it is his home because he lives there but not legally and he has no say over the property he lives in? Just a temporary home then.

OP posts:
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