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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU regarding sex

130 replies

AnonAnon135 · 04/07/2025 11:50

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have sex on a regular basis, probably at least 2-3 times a week on average (there are times when it's everyday, other times less than once a week). If I have had a long day, I'm tired, sore and on my period, AIBU to not have sex or give my husband a blowjob if he desires it? My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable as sex is his love language. He also thinks that despite the above, we should still be intimate because it is for both of us, not just him (even in this scenario). AIBU to think he is being unfair?

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 04/07/2025 12:35

My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable as sex is his love language.

How handy for him! Less so for you. He's getting plenty by the sounds of it and it's dehumanising to expect a blowjob from your wife when she's not so inclined, just because it's his effing love language. How about his love language being caring for his partner and how she feels?? Sorry but this kind of thing riles me. It's good that you've aired it here as hopefully you'll see you are utterly NBU and learn how to keep your boundaries and assert what you want so you're not secondary to his cock.

MrsSlocombesCat · 04/07/2025 12:30

I had a partner like this years ago. Now when I look back I cringe at what I did to keep him happy. I've been single ever since. I also decided that I would never give anyone a blow job again. It's so selfish. Men don't need as much foreplay as women, typically. So unless they want to satisfy you in other ways besides penetration then blow jobs are incredibly one sided. Especially when you are on your period. He thinks it's your duty - that's what is coming across. It absolutely isn't. He needs to fucking grow up.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 04/07/2025 12:00

You don't have to have sex or take part in sexual activity for any reason you like. Your husband isn't entitled to sex and you're not a sex robot. Tell him to stop bullying you.

JHound · 04/07/2025 11:59

AnonAnon135 · 04/07/2025 11:50

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have sex on a regular basis, probably at least 2-3 times a week on average (there are times when it's everyday, other times less than once a week). If I have had a long day, I'm tired, sore and on my period, AIBU to not have sex or give my husband a blowjob if he desires it? My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable as sex is his love language. He also thinks that despite the above, we should still be intimate because it is for both of us, not just him (even in this scenario). AIBU to think he is being unfair?

Your husband’s attitude is disturbing. I cannot ever imagine desiring to have sex with somebody I knew did not want it.

This whole battle over sex is what truly puts me off relationships - and the expectation of having sex even when you don’t want to.

TheSandgroper · 04/07/2025 11:57

You are not unreasonable. DH may be up for it but his hormones are fairly stable. Yours can fluctuate quite markedly for various reasons (does carrying the house load count as a hormone?) and this will only become stronger in future years. You may need to be firm and educate him on female tracts of life.

If he continues to be ungenerous in his thinking, you have a bigger problem.