AIBU regarding sex

He is being VVV U. Sex HAS to be something that either side can veto with no repercussions. Sex being his "love language" doesn't change that. If you end up having to do sexual things you don't want to, it's going to cause you to stop wanting sex altogether.

I have a suspicion that the OP’s partner didn’t have the women of mumsnet in mind when he said to ask other women. I’m not sure who he did have in mind though - maybe a blow up doll.

Your partner wants to force you into sex you don’t want. There is a word for men like that.

Dead right here!
OP, your “D”H is an inconsiderate , manipulative and unpleasant human being.

There is a big problem OP - just not the one he thinks it is.

1. Sex IS NOT a love language.
2. It's not "for both of you" if you said you don't want it. It's for HIM.

Do you want to have sex this often or do you do it because he wants to? Does he usually try to push/coerce you into sex after you've said no?

YANBU

Such an ick when a man expects a woman to do anything sexual when she doesn't want to, especially when it's a one-sided activity. I'm not against those one-sided activities, but only if it's foreplay and both are satisfied at the end! Would a man ever satisfy a woman without getting his turn? I think not.

I did ask him and he told me that if I don't see how, then it's a problem!

Well that's a compelling argument if ever there was one.

Quite.

I’d say OP’s H was a wanker. But clearly not. Arsehole then.

This.

Also, this "love language" shit is bollocks.

Ghastly, can't believe women give in to this pressure and coercion. Much rather be single.

Tell him that your love language is being respected, being listened to when you say no, not being coerced into sex that you aren't in the mood for.

Would you want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to? Would you want to have sex with someone who was too tired, sore, in pain or just not in the mood? I wouldn't.

Sex isn't his 'love language' 🙄 love isn't trying to coerce an unwilling partner to have sex with you.

He sounds like a prince.

We’ve been married 16 years and due to a combination of health issues and disabled dc we are lucky if we manage once a month. Dh never says anything about it at all, even though I know in an ideal world he’d like it more. It’s just life. My ex dh was always going on about it and in the end it’s what made me completely go off him.

Ask him to explain exactly how a BJ for him, when you're tired and sore and hormonal, can be interpreted as being 'for you' too. I'd love to hear his thinking on that one.

You're not his sex toy and using this 'love language' bullshit is his way of trying to manipulate you.

My love language is being loved, not being treated like a sex robot / piece of meat.

My love language is being left the fuck alone when I want to be

Can’t stand the phrase “love language”

And people who think they can’t go a week without sex need to get over it. If your relationship falls apart because of that you have bigger problems.

This Love language stuff doesn’t half get weaponised for one’s own selfish desires it seems. If I had such a partner I’d say my love language is to be at home to keep a tidy home and available 24/7 to look after him so I can’t work!

“My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as sex is his love language”

Respect is my love language.

No one should have any form of sexual contact with anyone else unless they want it. No means no. No does not mean complain, whine, sulk until the other person does something they don’t want to.

DH would like sex 2-3 times per week but if i'm tired or don't feel like it, then it doesn't happen. and he 100% understands that because he is a good guy.

just because something is a 'love language' doesn't mean you get to claim a right to it. if your love language was 'DH giving me diamond jewellery', you couldn't expect a new necklace every week.

But it isn’t for the both of you? If you don’t want to do it then it’s just for him. Especially blowjobs - what does he think you’re getting out of them when you’re not in the mood? His viewpoint is at best unreasonable. If he sulks when you say no then tell him you’re not a sex robot and his behaviour turns you off! He’s doing better than most at 3 times a week

I'm like your husband, in that I have a high sex drive. I'd probably prefer 5 - 6 times a week if possible. DP on the other hand is probably happier with around once or twice a week (although that's an oversimplification, it's more like every night one week, rarely for the next two, and none while she's on her period.

So we have sex on DPs schedule, because doing anything else would be making DP have sex she didn't want, and I've got absolutely no interest in having sex with someone who doesn't want sex. Does it mean sometimes I feel a bit frustrated? Yes, but that's just a compromise I'm willing to make because I love DP.

Your husband has one choice in this @AnonAnon135 Either he accepts the amount of sex you're willing to offer. Or he leaves you. Tell him to make his choice.

And @Ponoka7 , I wouldn't say that's a definite. The above is my experience over the last 20 years. The last year on the other hand I've barely been able to keep up. DP's sex drive has gone through the roof since peri-menopause started.

Well he's telling you that your marriage will be over during the menopause.

If someone wasn’t in the mood for sex I don’t think I’d want them to perform an unenthusiastic sex act on me. Compensation oral form a partner that’s not in the mood would make me feel gross… does he not have hands? Can he not have a wank?