Page 4 | To think that a vow renewal means marriage on last threads

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 2025-07-04T10:15:52+00:00

...it's my 10 year wedding anniversary next year and I've always wanted to do a vow renewal/ second wedding because my first was rushed (planned in 4 weeks), I had morning sickness and couldn't drink, it was more about pleasing family than a day for me and my husband, my dress was awful and a last minute online order which I didn't have time to get fitted, and it was just not how I'd have wanted it to be. Since then, I have wanted a vow renewal at the 10 year mark to basically have the fun party wedding I'd have wanted, that I actually get to enjoy this time. It would likely just be a late afternoon/evening do, with great food and music, where I get to wear a beautiful dress, and my husband and I write personal vows for each other. But I keep thinking that everyone will think our marriage is in trouble or someone has cheated. Would you think the same if you were invited to a big vow renewal?

theDudesmummy · 04/07/2025 14:48

Reading all this I think I am glad we never had any vows to renew! I would hate such a thing. We had our 20th anniversary recently and we went for a fish supper at the pub with our teenage son. DH got a text saying happy anniversary from his ex-father-in-law. That was it really. Fine by me.

Original poster

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 04/07/2025 14:39

SparklyGlitterballs · 04/07/2025 12:50

Yeah, vows don't expire, so I would think if someone was renewing them then one party has cheated. Either that or one of them is 'me, me, look at me' (typically the woman as she's the one all done up with fancy hair/make up/dress) and wants to be centre of attention again.

If you want a big party then have a 10th anniversary do. You can still wear a nice dress, but perhaps just not a big white one with 10ft train.

But is it bad to just want that one day to be a queen. I am generally a service oriented person in the background - doing everything for everyone - both before kids/marriage and after. Because my wedding day was still about others, I think I missed having that one day it was just about me and my husband and I got to wear a beautiful and pointlessly expensive dress for once in my life.

I'm not sure that's me me me. I know I wouldn't be a bridezilla - for my wedding i paid for the bridesmaids accommodation and dresses, which were more expensive than my cheapo wedding dress, and shared a bed with one of the bridesmaids since one of them wasn't comfortable sharing a room with a stranger.

OP posts:

Bridport · 04/07/2025 14:35

If I was invited I wouldn't go. I don't like weddings and so I'm not going to like a vow renewal.

Original poster

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 04/07/2025 14:30

JifNtGif · 04/07/2025 11:47

Vibes

😂That's exactly the image I have as well haha! But I should try care less what people think

OP posts:

Original poster

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 04/07/2025 14:29

godmum56 · 04/07/2025 12:15

As my late husband said when someone suggested it "Why renew vows when the old ones still work" But I'd absolutely do the wedding reception you never had....and a honeymoon too!

Omg yes - that too - we still haven't had a honeymoon!!

Thanks for all the responses - really mixed opinions.

I'm thinking I will go for it but maybe do the vows or a blessing part beforehand, with a very small group of people (or on our own/ with the kids).

And then do the big party after. Also leaning towards just calling it an anniversary party rather than vow renewal. Only thing is I really want to wear white and if it's an anniversary a white full length gown will surely look silly? Also thinking that people might not go out of their way to attend a 10 year anniversary party seriously as it's not such a huge milestone. Whereas, people do make an effort to go to a wedding/vow renewal even if it's inconvenient.

Definitely not expecting or wanting gifts. Got enough clutter to manage as it is. 😅

OP posts:

Duh · 04/07/2025 14:24

I think wedding renewals are cheesy and attention seeking. Plus they are for marriages that have (purportedly but rarely actually) overcome one partner’s infidelity or drug addiction.

candycane222 · 04/07/2025 14:22

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 04/07/2025 13:04

My DH and I are of the view that our vows were made until death, neither of us have broken them so no point in renewal.

However my Aunt and Uncle had a celebration on their 25th Anniversary that included a thanksgiving service for their marriage. It was beautiful and moving. There was nothing about repeating their vows but it was a lovely celebration. For our 25th we had a big party with friends and family. We didn't do anything for our 40th as I was waiting to go into hospital for major surgery. We would like to celebrate our 50th with thanksgiving but we've got a few years to go yet.

Oh this sounds lovely 💕

Ilovemyshed · 04/07/2025 14:16

Mikart · 04/07/2025 11:27

Just have an anniversary party

This ^

you’ve said your vows, just celebrate the distance.

DramaAlpaca · 04/07/2025 14:15

ScratCat · 04/07/2025 11:27

I think vowel renewals are daft, the first ones don’t have an expiry date. And yes, I would assume it was because of infidelity that the original vows were broken.

I agree.

candycane222 · 04/07/2025 14:12

spilltheteapot · 04/07/2025 11:17

I would think it’s a bit OTT although would understand better once I knew your reasons (like your morning sickness etc).
What about a big anniversary party with a time slot for some heartfelt words to each other? It’s less formal.

Edited

This is the way to go I think. I would perhaps think a vow renewal was quite sweet for people entering a new phase of life after like 30 yrs marriage, eg empty nest or retirement, but at 10 I would invite people to celebrate our marriage, maybe invite a third party to say something about marriage and also as suggested here say something yourselves. Have a massive toast, both dress up,take pictures etc - make it clear to guests you are actively celebrating your marriage. But vow renewal does sound to me as though they are a bit in need of refurbishment! Sorry.

SuburbanSprawl · 04/07/2025 14:07

We renewed ours in a drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, simply because we thought it would be brilliantly naff.

Rather to our surprise the very lovely lady preacher took it seriously, though quite engagingly, and it was a lot more moving and meaningful than we expected or, actually, intended.

Ellie1015 · 04/07/2025 14:02

SunShow · 04/07/2025 13:09

The whole point of vows is they're they're forever. If they need to be redone, what was the point and what is the point?

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I think it is showing you still feel the same commitment to the vows rather than redoing them because they have been broken.

Appreciate others may feel once is plenty but I would never think someone renewing them was a bad thing or indication of infidelity and vows needing redone.

Orange202 · 04/07/2025 13:53

I think you should just have a big 10th anniversary party, you and your husband can make short speeches in place of vows.

I may be a particularly bad person, but I would think that one of you had an affair and the vow renewal was to draw a line under it. Actually, I'd think that your husband had an affair, and you'd insisted on a public vow renewal so the other woman would know he'd picked you.

And I'm not anti-wedding at all! I find them very moving, why I wouldn't want to be a 'pretend' one.

Mylovelygreendress · 04/07/2025 13:45

I have been to 2 vow renewals and both were after the husband cheated.
We have been invited to another one but not going as I know that the man is still cheating .

Endofyear · 04/07/2025 13:41

I also had awful morning sickness on my wedding day - I enjoyed bits of it but overall I was just glad when it was over! For me it was the marriage that was important, not the wedding, and I would have been happy to just go the registry office with DH and a couple of witnesses. But I went through with the whole wedding thing mainly for my mum who organised it all and wanted family there etc.

35 years later, it really doesn't matter - the marriage is still going strong! I wouldn't want to renew our vows - we made them once and they are meant to last a lifetime. I feel no need to do it again!

If it's what you want, go for it. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, you're doing it for you not them.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 04/07/2025 13:37

Sorry OP - A neighbour was having a vow renewal and my immediate thought was “I wonder which one cheated?” It’s a standard “let’s try again”.

could you not just throw a big 10th anniversary party without the vow renewal?

LadyLapsang · 04/07/2025 13:36

The other reason I think people used to wait until at least the Silver wedding anniversary for a celebration was the cost. A lavish lunch or dinner for lots of people where you foot the whole bill can be very expensive so most people who wait until their children were adults. It used to be this is what we have created together from our marriage - children, grandchildren, professional success, contribution to the Church and / or community.

Cabbageheads · 04/07/2025 13:34

ifherbumwereabungalow · 04/07/2025 13:32

We’ve renewed ours twice, once at a Las Vegas event in London when I was pregnant with our first, second time in the actual Las Vegas. No guests, no presents, no party and no affairs, just an opportunity to remember why we still love each other and refresh our commitment in a very quiet, personal and, inadvertently hilarious way, that we still giggle about today. Still together after 25 years.

I would do it that way, privately, for the two of us, for fun, but it's very different to wanting a white dress and an audience.

OVienna · 04/07/2025 13:33

I wanted to do it in Vegas as I thought it would be fun/a laugh. Would have just been DH and me and our two girls, dressed up as my bridesmaids. He wasnt keen though we've been married almost 30 years, this was just over 10 yes ago.

BarMonaco · 04/07/2025 13:33

ThatCyanCat · 04/07/2025 13:22

Because repeating the vows is a bit weird, isn't it.

Not at all. That's what renewal means. My husband told me he loved me for life on our wedding day, doesn't mean he can't say it again. So a celebration of the day is fine, but recreating the most important part of the day as a way of reinforcing or remembering it is somehow wrong?

Nah. This is just contrived thinking because a lot of people on here have something against weddings and renewals. It's not based in fact. There's something spiteful in the way some people are determined to reach for the worst possible interpretation. And it becomes self fulfilling because people like OP then don't do it for fear of ridiculous judgement like this.

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It's a bit of a reach to suggest people who don't see the need for a renewal are "against weddings."

ifherbumwereabungalow · 04/07/2025 13:32

We’ve renewed ours twice, once at a Las Vegas event in London when I was pregnant with our first, second time in the actual Las Vegas. No guests, no presents, no party and no affairs, just an opportunity to remember why we still love each other and refresh our commitment in a very quiet, personal and, inadvertently hilarious way, that we still giggle about today. Still together after 25 years.

Jamesblonde2 · 04/07/2025 13:28

ThatCyanCat · 04/07/2025 13:26

They don't "need" to be redone, any more than an anniversary "needs" to be celebrated; the wedding was presumably for life too, so why mark it? But for some people, they're a nice way of refreshing and reminding them of the day and their love. It's a pity so many people can't relate to that.

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An anniversary is an achievement. Renewing vows isn’t.

ThatCyanCat · 04/07/2025 13:26

SunShow · 04/07/2025 13:09

The whole point of vows is they're they're forever. If they need to be redone, what was the point and what is the point?

Show quote history

They don't "need" to be redone, any more than an anniversary "needs" to be celebrated; the wedding was presumably for life too, so why mark it? But for some people, they're a nice way of refreshing and reminding them of the day and their love. It's a pity so many people can't relate to that.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 04/07/2025 13:25

I completely get why you want the big do, because you missed out on being a 'bride' when you actually got married. Unless you're from a culture where having a blessing/renewal is what's done as well as a celebration, people are going to speculate. Let them!
I say, you do you. If you want a big do and a white frock, why not? Have a lovely celebration when it arrives.

ThatCyanCat · 04/07/2025 13:22

LavenderBlue19 · 04/07/2025 12:19

Because repeating the vows is a bit weird, isn't it. You already did that bit, signed the legal documents. It's a legal ceremony, not a show you want to see again and again.

An anniversary party is just that - a celebration that you've managed to get that far.

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Because repeating the vows is a bit weird, isn't it.

Not at all. That's what renewal means. My husband told me he loved me for life on our wedding day, doesn't mean he can't say it again. So a celebration of the day is fine, but recreating the most important part of the day as a way of reinforcing or remembering it is somehow wrong?

Nah. This is just contrived thinking because a lot of people on here have something against weddings and renewals. It's not based in fact. There's something spiteful in the way some people are determined to reach for the worst possible interpretation. And it becomes self fulfilling because people like OP then don't do it for fear of ridiculous judgement like this.