To think that a vow renewal means marriage on last threads

A relative of mine had one, but they wrote "VOWEL renewal" on all the invitations and all their facebook posts. Everyone was too polite to correct them.

I would have liked a 25 wedding anniversary party but three of my friends are divorcing so just didn’t feel it was appropriate.

I have been to one vow renewal and they did indeed divorce. It was my much older sisters so went to her wedding and vow renewal.

People tell me all sorts of juicy details! Then say, “Oh, but we don’t want that bit mentioning!” 😂 Couples are very open with me about what their relationship is like. I don’t know if that’s a celebrant thing or if I just have one of those faces that makes people open up?!

They tell me why they have chosen to re-commit themselves, and it’s often having overcome difficult health issues combined with a significant anniversary. Sometimes not having had the best original wedding is a factor, eg a family member having died close to/at the wedding.

There’s all sorts of reasons why people choose to re-commit themselves. If you want to celebrate 10 years, go for it!

Throw an anniversary party

How many of us really go the wedding we wanted? Mine wasn't the perfect day, but I got married to the love of my life, and that was the important part.

Your wedding day is something that happens once, whether it's at a registry office, church, chapel in Vegas or a huge multi-day event at a castle. Doing it again is a bit like playing dress ups.

Would they even tell you if they were an 'affair couple'? It's unlikely anyone knows why another couple is doing a vow renewal.

Exactly that. Do it.

I think that’s^ why people think about cheating.
If you haven’t had the wedding you wanted I would expect you to do a big anniversary party. Do a lot of lovely speeches with lots of promises to each other, do poems, songs, dances, presents but focus on anniversary bit, don’t pretend you have not been married all these years. 😀

No, I would assume it was for exactly the reasons you said: that they didn't get the big do they wanted first time around, that the wedding was rushed or stressful or something.

I’ve only been married 2 years but had a small wedding as not much money and I’ve always said I’d move a vow renewal at 10 years hoping to have more money but I’ve also been told that people will think one of us has cheated 😩

No, it's just not the kind of thing you say to anyone's face

Why not have an anniversary party instead?
the few people I know who have had vow renewals they all had cheating husbands and all the marriages ended within a couple of years of the ceremony

Found one! 🤣

I simply don’t understand why any healthy marriage would need to renew vows.

By all means have a marriage blessing service or a fabulous anniversary party but a vow renewal…..by definition it suggests the original vows are in some way degraded or need strengthening.

I understand why people whose wedding wasn't what they hoped might want to do a sort of re-do but that’s possible without renewing vows but that said I wouldn’t expect people to put in the same effort/expense as being a guest at a first wedding.

In that sense no different to a friend of DH on his 3rd marriage and being a baffled as to why no one is joyous about shelling out for another destination stag and wedding and why the gift list is untapped.

It genuinely wouldn’t cross my mind that a vow renewal was because of a troubled marriage. I’ve never known anyone have one though so maybe I’m just naive. You’ve got a valid reason so go for it. I’d come up with a jokey invite about not doing it in full style the first time because of the imminent arrival of -insert child’s name here-. If you’re throwing a big party for everyone I’m sure they’ll be happy to get involved.

I’m a wedding celebrant and have never done a vow renewal for an affair couple! If you’re having a celebrant lead your vow renewal, I’d recommend getting them to talk about why you’re doing this, just in case you have any cynical mumsnetters in the audience! 😂

Mumsnet is about 9 million unique users per month. It's not a tiny, niche group. Just because people don't say something in real life, doesn't mean they aren't thinking it.

I feel like it’s only in MN-land where the curtain twitchers sipping their yearly thimble of watered down sherry gossip about the how it’s a shame that Mr and Mrs Smith’s marriage is on the rocks because they are having a clutches pearls vow renewal dontcha know.

Don't know which way to vote, but I would see it as a sign of a marriage more likely to be in trouble.

I might, but would certainly never wish to, attend.

I’ve never thought that. I always just assume people want to renew their vows or weren’t happy with their original wedding.

Go for the full on vow renewal.

But you may want to add a disclaimer to the invitation that nobody got caught cheating, your marriage is not circling the drain, and you’re not grotesquely self-indulged just in case any of your friends are MN contributors to vow renewal threads 😁

Seriously though, do it and have fun!

I would think that if someone said that then their own marriage is shaky.

yes of course we had vows. We didn't write our own they are in the church service.

I think that's great!

Unless the original vows were broken, or the original vows specified a time limit, vow renewals are a complete nonsense.

Just have a party, make speeches and enjoy yourselves.