To think that a vow renewal means marriage on last threads

I've never actually known of anyone have a vow renewal thing but I would find it cringey to listen to. Just have a party if you want one. Most people aren't that interested in other people's weddings in the first place so they'll be less interested in a vow renewal ceremony.

Your marriage vows don't expire, so it's unnecessary to renew them unless one of you has broken them.

A tenth wedding anniversary on the other hand is a perfect reason to have a big celebration. If you want some kind of ceremony, have a close friend or family do a speech about your devotion to each other, your children and joint successes and/or speak yourselves.

I wouldn't do vows of any kind though. The ones you pledged ten years ago are the important ones. They are as good now as they were then and will remain so for the rest of your lives. Don't cheapen them for the sake of a party.

Haha I’m only joking but yeh I get what you mean. Everything is about making money these days.

At least I won’t be paying for the party!

I would think the marriage was ending soon. I’ve seen it from people who have had vow renewal, all broke up after All seems a bit attention seeking tbh. You can do it in private without making a big fuss but I do generally find this the case

I wouldn't want one myself, because I'd dislike all the attention, but I wouldn't assume anything bad about a marriage if a couple wanted one, though an anniversary party might be a nice alternative to a vow renewal, as pp have suggested.

My aunt and uncle had one several years ago. They're been married well over 40 years and are still going strong, as far as I know!

Round my way, people use it as a celebration of their marriage for a significant anniversary and an excuse for a party. I'd hoped to do it for our Pearl Wedding, but DH died before we'd quite made it to the 27 yr mark.

Go for it, OP! Have fun.

party pooper

I know a gay couple who had a register office wedding the day it became legal for gay couples to marry, they viewed their original wedding as being something in a council office block. Last year they had a beautiful proper wedding in a castle with an amazing reception & party afterwards. If you had married in a register office there would be nothing stopping you having another ceremony in a church.

That sounds beautiful ☺️.

The thought wouldn’t enter my head either why would you think this am I missing something . Surely it means the exact opposite

@godmum56 you say "of course" you had vows, but your wedding was in a church (as was my first one) so yes, that's "of course". But I was wondering about people with non-church weddings, like my second one. It seems to be a given on this thread that everyone had vows at their wedding. I was just wondering if anyone else didn't have any.

This is such an important point
A long and happy marriage is far more romantic than any wedding day

Why not just have a lovely party?

If I heard a couple were having a vows renewal I'd think that one of them had cheated anf broken the original vows.

If invited to a vows renewal I wouldn't go, they are as silly as gender reveals and baby showers!

Pointless.

Have a party and incorporate a blessing. You could ask a close friend to do the blessing for you.

And to add, sure, you didn't get the wedding you wanted....

But have you gotten the marriage you wanted?

Because one is not the same as the other. I know which is the real celebration 💕

Some people who I've known to do vow renewals are the type who've ran out of christenings, baby showers, hen dos, weddings, dogs birthdays etc to make a fuss and receive gifts for 😅 So they do this.
If you're certain you're not those people, go for it!

But an anniversary party is much more lovely.

I agree with just having an anniversary party.
I never really gave renewing wedding vows much thought but once I think about it, the majority I know of have committed adultery I’m afraid. Some got divorced pretty quickly after the renewal too.
Back in the day when people had long marriages, they just had anniversary parties. They only began at 25 years though. I remember relatives of mine having their 60th wedding anniversary celebration. I doubt many people would get that far now.

This! It's a great idea because you can make it a theme of the party without any of the negative connotations.

So yes, you could wear a wedding dress if you really wanted to. Get a wedding cake. Do all the things you didn't get to do the first time around. Speeches, dance, everyone dressed to the nines, etc etc.

Plan a 'honeymoon' straight after the party. If you can't jet off on holiday, have a few days' staycation at somewhere really special here at home.

But the vow renewal? There is something to be said for just keeping to the vows you already made. They are lived every single day of a marriage and do not need renewing unless they've been broken (which is one reason why it implies something has gone wrong).

@Dannydevitoiloveyourart I hope you figure out what you really want to do and that you have a fantastic time!

Unfortunately it’s the first thing I think.

Having been a wedding planner for 2 decades, 80% of the renewals I’ve planned have been cause they vows have been broken.

Who gives a shit what people think 🤷🏼‍♀️ you and your DH know the truth and if you're that bothered then put something on the invites, you are invited to the wedding we couldn't have first time around...

Vow renewal is only for a marriage that's broken down for some reason. I would roll my eyes at being expected to attend a ceremony like that regardless of why your marriage has struggled, you should keep it private really in my view. I don't know why anyone wants the whole world to spend a day thinking about all the problems you've had as a couple, I find that extremely strange.

If you want a big party, then hold a 10 year anniversary party. Anniversaries are positive and happy events, celebrating the achievement of being together. A white dress is fine if it isn't too OTT - you'd look daft in a meringue for example, but fine in a slim fitting nice dress.

If you want a honeymoon then organise childcare and take one, presuming you can afford it. Honeymooning doesn't have an expiry date.

I think it's wild you assume you are being told the whole truth